Creating is a unique art where tools and methods are used seemingly at random but all have their place in the inner workings of an artists tool kit.
For me, I find it is the unique journey of each project that tells me which tools I need, which tools I can let go of and which tools I have that I will reach for again and again.

Here are this years current items:

Writing

Grammarly

Although expensive as all get out, I find Grammarly, the hard-working editor, behind my shoulder that I can’t afford to pay. She runs alongside me, catching tone, word choices and structure issues without much effort and as far as AI tools go, she’s one I can live with.

Pages

Being an Apple product user, I pages the app I write documents on.

Final Draft 12

Although screenwriting and playwriting are not mediums of writing that I have spent much time in the past few years, Final Draft has allowed me to dip in and out of the medium with ease and practicality. It easily formats scripts and keeps all notations and edits at your fingertips.

POCKET-SIZED Moleskin Notebooks

Being a highly analoge focused, I keep these pocket-sized notebooks close to organize project notes on the go, various themes of life and work, etc.

Leuchtturm1917 Notebooks

I design these notebooks every year using the Bullet Journal Method. It took many years to get the layouts the way I wanted. Using this method takes the yearly changes and adjustments of a new day planner out of the equation and keeps me flowing in productivity from one year to the next.

Sharpie Pens

I was raised by someone who sold pens for a living (among other things), and the number of pens that multiplied in our home was unreal. It made me want to live a less cluttered ‘pen life.’ Once I found the Sharpie pen, I never looked back. It’s the only pen I will use. It's simple and understated.

Producing

Final Cut Pro

Essential for editing film footage of any kind. Final Cut is UI-friendly, with many features and tools to discover.

Garage Band

For basic sound needs, Garage Band keeps serving. A quick tutorial can give you the basic vocabulary of how to use it, and it does the trick for about eighty percent of my audio needs.

Audacity

Audacity does what Garage Band can’t. It’s not as UI-friendly, but a few tutorials gave me the tools to help fine-tune my files.

Cannon Camera EOS RP

Having a camera, which I can use for any project, both personal and professional, is essential. I am not a professional photographer or cinematographer, but it gives me the ability to point, shoot and capture what needs to be done.

Recording

Zoom H4N Pro

Compact and an excellent quality recorder for in-the-field documentary/reporting work.
If you live in windy locations like I do, you should invest in a wind sock.

iPhone 13

In the multi-media creative industries, a smartphone is a must.
No explanation at this point in time should be needed for why.

8.

Pulled into a bear hug.

Things strange men did.

14.

A family conversation on my shirt.

Because I had breasts now.

19.

Sitting inside a bank watching the men talk.

About money that is mine.

22.

“Let’s keep this between us.”

Secrets he convinced me to keep.

23.

“She’s loose.”

Because I responded to being seen.

25.

Heart beating with keys in hand.

Stalked in my favourite bookstore.

26.

“So you’ll be at home now.”

Assumptions made on my motherhood.

27.

“I don’t listen to pretty skinny women.”

He thought he’d make me a teaching tool.

32.

Scolded for sharing my strengths.

They taught me pride is a sin.

*and to be clear.

That is not even the half of it.

How the Patriarchy Found Its Way Inside of Me flew out of me in the Spring of 2022. I was feeling the weight of the feminine experience. Moments I heard about. Moments I lived. We often are not aware of the importance of our experiences until we lay them out on the table to be examined more closely.

In this piece, I lay out the age I was during these moments and what occurred. I was jarred to see how the ages often had multiple experiences. Here I chose to limit them to the ones that caused the strongest ripple effect through my life and how they altered my thinking.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.

It’s taken almost a full year to give birth to a specific first draft of a project.

I have taken my time processing the reasons behind wanting to craft this story, and it’s taken me a lot of time to process each turn and twist.

I’ve worked to lay the cards on the table and see what I have to work with.

Sharing this project with a select few has allowed me to see where I need to fill in plot holes and various clarifications. I liked to cover this project up, saying it was the roughest of rough ideas.
But the honest truth is it’s taken full shape, and it’s time to take it into its next draft.

A little group of words to push me into a new season with a new draft.

Onwards,

and may the cards fall where they may.

In late 2020 I ended up riffing a pilot episode idea with my husband as we were getting ready for bed.

The more we talked, the more we got excited about the idea. Within minutes of showering, nightly skin-care routine, and plugging in our iPhones, it felt like an opening scene was taking shape.

I ended up writing that scene to humour him and myself.

I let him read it over Christmas break.

Cut to the new year, and I knew I wanted to work on this concept more, but how?

I had other projects to attend to.

So we decided to set a goal of a specific page number a week.

It has been a rewarding and fun experience.

He gets to read and enjoy the development process of making something from nothing once a week, and I get to have a specific type of accountability that keeps me current with my goals.

In this, it’s not about perfection, but about the progress and attempt to continue the narrative.

Who knows where this one will lead us, but it’s connecting us in something I am working on. It’s an enjoyable and challenging diversion that grows me and, it gives us something to discuss that is more than just “what’s the next chore that needs to be tackled?”

We like to think that something that was made has been crafted out of genius, ease and good ol’ fashioned hard work. Often times, we view our favourite works of art, be them paintings, films, plays, broadway musicals, songs etc as something mystic, gifted and heaven sent. We view their existence in our space as something we have acquired because we are owed to have it and it should come easily into our presence. We view those who created these things as someone who works hard at their craft and sacrificed all their time and energy to make it. We also in the same token, view them as someone who chose creativity over hard work.

All of these things are true.

None of these things are true.

The truth is,

the flow of creativity comes both easy and hard. It can feel as if it’s all come out of you at once and it can also feel as if it is like trying to squeeze water out of a rock. Utterly possible and impossible at the same time.

In every creative project that I find myself in, I also find myself at war with everything else.
It’s almost laughable at how time and time again this happens.

Right now, it’s as simple as needing nine separate writing sessions to re-write a draft.
All I am wanting is nine days to do it. I could even make it work in five days if I had to.
Yet those five to nine days, of days without a child in my care, allude me and a few scant hours here and there are not the way to put forth your best work. (any true writer / creative knows, you simply can’t perform your best work the moment a countdown begins. You need, as all athletes need to do before they do anything, a warm up.)

So here I am, showing up at my desk early on a Monday morning and doing my best to fit at least one of the nine sessions in while my husband takes vacation hours to get the ‘little’ to and from pre school and hope upon hope that when he returns I will have succeeded, at least, with one of the nine sessions and that I don’t waste the precious time that we are sacrificing to honour the creative call.

Truth be told,

if I didn’t care, if I didn’t have any real desire to create good work, I wouldn’t be here. I would just say “to hell with it” and leave the ideas as ideas on the cutting room floor of my mind.

The real work is in battling the real life that tries to come against starting anything. Doing anything from noting.
The timing is never right.

So it’s do or don’t do.

And I guess I am too stubborn and intrigued to not do.

So I do.

Picture of Joan Francis Goodday Lugar in Canadian Women’s Army Corps uniform.

Finishing up the roughest of the rough draft

on this one woman show on my grandmother has me a bit shaky.

Rough drafts are exactly that. Just a ‘draft’ of what something could be and nothing smooth or connected about it. I sense the holes in the story and the places that need more refining. Yet I can also sense that it’s time to put this in the hands of those I trust most with my unedited words, concepts and a re telling on my grandmother.

Thankfully, I know that there can be joy in the sharing of the roughest of rough drafts. It’s a bit like a conversation. You pass the precious story on to hands and eyes that will tenderly yet firmly sift through the ideas, concept, movements and point out the golden threads and the rough edges that either need to be cut out, sanded or just explained better.

Humility.

This is where I let my ego take a back sit and listen.

The more I have written on my paternal grandmother, the deeper my respect goes for her and the more saddened I am not to have her in this stage of my life. What would I have learned about her now if I had known her as this version of myself? I want to kneel down by her as I used to and lean my head in close in a way that always baffled her and made her chuckle. Pat her hand and feel the well worn skin as she talked about some adventure she had as a younger woman and how ‘devilish’ she was.

She had a way of telling a story that was physical, composed and in real time. As if the memory was so close she could touch it.

It is still early days for this project but as I let go of my first draft and welcome feedback, I recognize that it’s time to loosen up the reigns and do my best to be that younger version of myself who listened to her voice, took in all her facial expressions and asked the leading questions to get the story to unfold deeper.

I wrote down this quote to sit at my desk with me to remind me as I squeeze in writing moments over the Winter & throughout 2019.

An active professional development goal of mine for 2019, is to read at least one book a season (4 within the year) that broadens my mind and skills on my own craft.

Bird by Bird was high on my list and is the first book for 2019 in this category.

Anne Lamott has always captivated me with her words on life, faith and writing & this book is no different.

“This is all we are going to do for now. We are just going to take it bird by bird. But we are going to finish this one short assignment.” - Anne Lamott.

This simple concept has completely unfolded me. Anne explains in this book that when attempting to write anything, looking at your goal or project in its entirety is an overwhelm. (…believe it or not, many writers are not as confident as they appear on paper…)
One way to tackle this overwhelm is one step at a time.

Experiencing Writing Cramps

Taking on more freelance assignments & active roles in projects where I am producing material means that my creative writing time is more limited and with that has caused some of my own writing cramps of sorts. Tackling my writing goals and concepts with this ‘bird by bird’ analogy has already allowed me to sit down at my desk for short periods of time and see those sparks of real work come alive again.

In Writing & In Life

Her analogy is better explained within the book as to why she calls it ‘bird by bird’, but it has shaken me free of expectations for myself and allowed me more creative play.

What I love so far about this book, is it applies to life as much as it applies to writing.
& that may just reveal why I love writing so much.
The craft itself is as much a craft of realizing life as it is stringing words together.

Entering into 2019…

with more to balance and maintain has enforced the need for scheduling and I am working on embracing it in a more effective and succinct way.

What I am Using:

Moleskin Plain Pocket Size

I use these Moleskins to keep track of various aspects of my personal & professional life.
- Movement & Diet
- Inspirations (quotes, ideas etc)
- Seasons (Winter activities, recipes, etc)
- Work Log
- Home Maintenance & visions

Kate Spade Journal

There is a shortage of these journals as Kate Spade is releasing less of them yearly, but I make a point of buying them when I find them & I use a journal for each year for my personal notations / writing about life and thoughts.

Leuchtturmn1917 (A5)

I use Leuchtturmn journals for my yearly bullet journaling. I do not follow the ‘bujo’ method to a ‘t’ but I apply what works for my own methodology and it seems thats what Ryder Carroll was aiming for.

Fossil Watch

New to me this year, for less attachment to my iPhone when checking the time. Doesn’t hurt that I am addicted to metallic tone fashion statements.

Sharpie & Midliner Pens

Knowing that these are the pens I use simplifies the tools I reach for. Decision fatigue regarding finding a new pen: ‘be gone’.

WHAT I AM AIMING FOR & WHY:

Reducing my scheduling hours and methods is one of my main goals this year. As great as it can be to have time to sit down and schedule the week ahead it can severely stir up anxiety when given too much space to be dwelled on. It also can swallow up much needed rest and quality time with others.

I am giving myself a year to work on the craft of scheduling because I realize it’s a task that I am going to have to unlearn bad habits, try new methods & simplify again & again.

As I hone the craft of scheduling I am keeping these words close to me as a reminder:

Create. Cultivate. Curate. Centred.

Here we go…

Photo by Steve Rau

If you have been following my work over the past two years you will have seen that I have enjoyed producing the "Spotlight Series" where I highlight creative / intuitive women and ask them five main questions.  Initially I started with ten, but as the project evolved I narrowed those questions to five and the project is about to get another revamp in 2019.

More on that to come!!!! 

Along with taking the Spotlight to the next level for 2019, I have also found an incredible outlet in Women in Film and Teletivion Atlantic.  These women amaze me at every turn.  To be given the opportunity to interview women for their newsletter is an honour. 

As I adapt to each project / assignment I aim to hone my craft of interviewing into where it needs to be and identify what I need to grow in.

2 main things I focus on when interviewing:

Individuality

Each person is unique and that is what makes it all the more interesting to read / hear what they have to say.  You will never get exactly the same answer or exactly the same story to tell.  

Details

Those details in conversation is what colours a person and adds depth to their whole self.  Seeking out those details gives me joy and a big part of my process.  There are always delicious gems to uncover.

It's no secret I spend many a week night at my desk. I have forever been an 'early morning' or 'evening' creative.  My thoughts are clearest after a workout or when the sun begins to set.  It's the way I have always been.  Naturally, as a writer, I capitalize on knowing this about myself.  

Five years ago I began what I call "Write Nights".  It started when I wrote my first play.  "The Chronicles of the Dramatics Society".  I knew I wanted to pursue the project and so I chose a few nights a week (At that specific time, I would go to 'Obladee' downtown) and write all evening.  That process was magical to me and really helped me understand the process of writing which worked best for me.  

My next project didn't get past the editing stage, but I began to enforce these "Write Nights" with any project onward that I would work on.  

Write Nights can start as early as 5pm but no later than 7:30pm and always end no earlier than 10pm.  If I am truly on a roll it edges close to 11pm.  But so often I find that even if I am on a roll I want to end on a high note and feel that creative surge in my veins when I leave the desk.  

They also always must consist of a beverage even if only water, but I adore it when wine or coffee is a possibility.  I light my 'writing candle' during the times I write and use a string of battery operated string lights from time to time.  

The sound track is essential.  Generally, the music I play must be in theme of my projects.  Currently that would mean a '1920s-1940s' Jazz playlist or a 'femme fatale' playlist.

Write Nights are my version of creative bliss and I however one finds their creative bliss / time, always elaborate on it and make it as alluring for your spirit as possible.  
 

Motivation isn't always an easy element to find.  In life, as emotional and dynamic human beings we are often affected by our atmospheres and circumstances.  We can wake up feeling energized only to hours later feel the empowerment drain from our bodies and spirits.  

Discipline hasn't always come easy for me, but I remember when I started to really understand it.  

I was in highschool and something in me wanted to learn how to figure skate.  I barely knew how to skate forwards let alone attempt a simple waltz jump.  But there was something in that sport I loved.  A combination of artistry, athleticism and determination.  

Discipline.  

To be an athlete you have to be disciplined.  I put in the time of joining a class of 4-6 year olds, being the single sixteen-year-old amidst them, our helmets on and learning the simple basic elements of skating.  I showed up at the rink during my free periods, after school and on weekends I started realizing that not only was I loosing weight, feeling fit, learning a skill I was aching to learn, I was also learning what it took to be disciplined. 

Elements of Discipline
 

Show Up

When you have a dream, goal, vision, desire, the first step is showing up.  That is LITERALLY 50% of the battle.  Then you do the work.  It could be sucky ass work.  It could be work that isn't showing any progress but it ALL counts.  

Set the Atmosphere

Whatever it is you are trying to do, it can't be done well if the atmosphere goes against it.  As a writer, for me, this looks like dressing the way I think my type of writer would dress, keeping a tidy and clean desk space so I can get to work at a moments inspiration, having a scented candle to light while I write, a fuzzy mat for my toes and fun mugs for my coffee.  It means having a Living Room that is centred around stories, sharing and music, it means having healthy meals pre-made so I can think less and yet still be wooed by my palate.  Think about what you are trying to do and all the elements that can come along side to support it.  

Quality Over Quantity

We live in a world of excess so it's easy to get distracted with the events, requests, desires and life going on around you.  The truth is, the work is always better when it is given quality attention.  You can put time in that is empty of value because it had less than half your true attention.  Reach for the quality.  For me, that means three solid writing sessions a week.  I get more done in those single three sessions than if I had five.

Tailor Life

So many expectations from others, yourself and circumstances.  What is important is that any distractions and unnecessary elements to the work is stripped away.  This means saying no.  Saying no to things you might be relieved to say no to and saying no to things that might be hard to say no to.  

Give Grace & Move On

& there are times when we are just completely overwhelmed, shocked or hindered because of how life treats us.  We just can't do it today.  That is okay.  That is when we give ourselves Grace and keep going.  Let yourself feel it, experience the grace and then move on and get back to it. 

WOMAN WHO HAVE INSPIRED ME IN DISCIPLINE

Tessa Virtue

Ellie Knaus

Hannah Brencher

Over the past two months I have been working on two scripts.  

One is a pilot episode and the other is forming into a possible stage piece.  Much of the beginning stages of writing, for me, is sitting with it.  It sounds a bit lazy but in truth,

I need a lot of sitting time.  

I close my door, listen to mood music, create vision boards for the projects and exist with it.  I surround myself with as much inspiration as I can.

This is what I have been doing.

___

This week I attended a screen writing class to prep for an application for a short film.  In truth, I am not sure if I have anything for that particular project, but placing myself in the atmosphere of other creaters is what I need to be doing more.

So I am.

Heres the thing.

I write.

I tell myself this everyday because I forget.

Other people help me forget by not treating me like a writer.  Other times, I help myself forget by not treating myself as a writer.

But I am.  

So that is that.  

I write.

I write here.

I write plays.

I write screenplays.

I write short quotations on Instagram.

I write and I write.

I am coming into the realization that in order for me to focus on writing strong narratives and empowering scripts, means I have to humble the voice inside my own head, dream big and enjoy the journey. 

CONFESSIONAL
I am never not talking to myself.  I have an unending voice that rarely, if ever, quiets.  I chalk it up to being trained in simultaneous and consecutive interpreting.  Interpreters are taught to process all aspects of information, visual and audible in the moment it is being made, and also, retain that information for it's relevancy later within the same communication time frame.  

THIS MEANS
I am highly aware of my own and others emotions, perspective, and insights.  I am constantly struggling to let go of what I understood of others, myself and the world around me.  I am quick to be weighed down by myself and others and I find being in settings where I am unable to take a break from people extremely exhausting on my body, mind and soul.  

AS A WRITER
Embracing these sides of myself is what is going to push me forward into this next stage of my work.  I need to protect my work hours.  To follow my instinct on what will bring me focus.  To let go of trying to be all things to all people.  To have space enough to let my own personality fall to the floor as I write.  To let the fears of what others think of my work / life choices be just background noise to my main thinking process.

AT THE END OF THE DAY
This is my life.  My legacy.  My Joy.  Writing is my calling and if all I ever do is write scripts and have only a small audience for my work, than I believe I will have not only filled the calling, but will have lived a life that overflowed with joy for me and those who live with me. 

Part of my project this summer is to interview relevant people.  Mostly I am interviewing family, but I also am seeking out the relative persons who have a different perspective on this specific topic.  

It's a bit daunting to approach people, even family members.  Asking them questions.  Questions I know that for them may be personal or even hard to discuss.  For me, it's not about the dirt or the messy complexities that are inevitable.  For me, it's about that gold you get when you look at all sides of something.  Someone. 

To do my work properly I need to be brave enough to probe, respectful enough to relinquish control and perceptive enough to see the angles and depth.  It's a multi dimensional thing.  This thing we call writing.  Creating.  

Making something.  Out of nothing. 

Looking at the surface and not just admiring it's beauty but wanting to get to the depth of where it came from.  I think we were all created to ask questions, doubt, praise and get thrills from the unknown.  We were never made to know everything.  But we were made to reach. 

So I will be reaching for that little bit of Gold we couldn't see beneath the surface. 

This Summer I am minimizing distractions and focusing in on two specific projects.  This means a lot of time at my desk and a lot of time learning formatting programs and editing skills.  

Both of these projects are women centred and focus on highlighting women through story, history and project creation.

I will be updating on my progress here and starting in July, monthly newsletters.

I am aiming to develop two specific pieces that bring multi-dimensional women to the spotlight and in one project specifically, to give a voice to how personality stereotypes limit our understanding of ourselves and others.  

Women supporting women isn't just a hashtag, it's a force to be reckoned with and I hope that as I bring life to these two pieces I will be able to align this work and myself with women who will breathe life into it and me.  

Heres to the ones who dream.  

"WRITERS ARE DANGEROUS PEOPLE
Never take a writer for granted.
They are snipers armed with words.
They know how to aim with sentences.
How to fire with paragraphs, and
how to immortalize their kills in verse."
- Nakita Gill

I am heading into a summer of writing and spending a lot of time in here.  

Currently, I am getting it ready so that my focus can be maintained in this space.  Minimizing clutter, reviewing notes and making sure that even the candle I light is exactly the type of scent that will inspire me.  

These may seem like simple silly things, but I am an atmospheric writer.  I write best when I set the stage.  Past posters of two of my plays above me to remind me that I have done a thing or two, pictures of two women who have seen me through the worst and the best, an ampersand ornamental to remind me that there is always more to come and a fluffy mat for my bare feet in the early morning or evening.

For my deep and fun loving toddler, I have an Ikea table and chairs, with various creative elements and toys at her disposal.  The IKEA cart with various supplies 'crayons, play dough, paints, colouring books, etc).  Daily we come in here and practice what it means to give your creative self a ponder.  

Next time, I will show you my desk at a closer look when I have the appropriate camera to capture it.  For now, this will do.