Posts tagged reflections
I Never Promised... How "His" Words Carry Weight


“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
His parting words after he was done playing around with me.

“No one interfered with your relationships.”
Telling me what he needed to hear to make himself feel better about how damaged us children were from his/their own adult choices.

”No one wants to hear you talk about how much you love your body.”
His feedback on my written monologue about body love journey because I am size small.

“You don’t need that.”
His lack of understanding of how much I may actually need something in order to be paid more as a woman.

“They need us.”
What he said with an understanding of what makes a deep long lasting relationship when I was the most broken and confused.


“You have a thing with words”
His recognition of a craft I was leaning into.

“You are the dream”
What he says as he pulls me close as we fall asleep at night.

“It’s Amy Grace!”
His greeting in a professional setting.

How His Words Carry Weight was written from a selection of statements from various men which have both harmed and healed me. Through these statements I have learned the nature of power dynamics, manipulation, true respect, growth and even deep love.
Calling out these statements is a choice for healing and baring witness to that which hinders and that which heals.
I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts often considered taboo.

Summer | 2023

Already in full bloom, the muggy, overcast and sometimes sunny days of a Nova Scotia summer are here.

This summer, I am approaching like summer rain.

Sporadic, unannounced and magical.

If you have danced in a summer rain, you know how it smells and tastes.
It’s something different and unique.

My approach this season is to push myself in my thinking and doing.
Rather than keeping the typical schedule, I am asking myself what makes sense today? What needs to be done? What project needs attention? What am I missing?
What am I needing?

It can be vulnerable to be without work, but it is also an invitation.

An invitation to discover and delight in the creativity that has brought me here today.

Onwards I go into these full magical summer moments discussing work, life and learning with family, friends and colleagues while dancing in the summer rain when it graces us with its presence.

I Never Promised.... Things I am Learning to Unlearn

Motherhood

It was never supposed to be a one-size-fits-all but a unique role…like an individual fingerprint.

Only ‘you’ can hold that imprint.

It’s yours to design.

Report Cards

They were never a true reflection of my full intelligence,

merely a report on how well I assimilated into one mould of learning.

Gender Roles

The script about our roles and identity was a constructed play developed by culture.

What we do with our roles is entirely up to ourselves.

Scarcity

The high vigilance to protect ‘what is’

keeps us restrained from the abundance of ‘what can be’.

Fear

Its job was not to keep you frozen in place. 
Its job was to nudge you to move in the direction you need to move best for you.

Expectations

They were never going to be satisfied with how you fulfilled their hopes and ideals.
Inhale, exhale.
You are enough.

Limitations

They can be torn down; it just takes work.

Things I Am Learning to Unlearn was written after realizing how much I was processing through old belief systems. Everything from one’s childhood to one’s adulthood, we collect ‘so-called’ truths from our environments and ultimately, if we are privileged and aware enough, spend the entirety of our lives unlearning what we took on that was never ours to believe in the first place.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts often considered taboo.

Thirty-Four

34 notations, lessons, observations and gold found.

*In no particular order.

  1. Pursue the deep, the wonder and the voiceless…there is always gold in what has not yet been given light.

  2. Anyone that leaves you behind has lost the plot. Their time in your story has passed and if they resurface, only you can say if they belong in the new pages of your story or not.

  3. Resist the temptation to repeat old patterns / ways of connecting. You do it different.

  4. No one wants to leave you. They simply haven’t healed themselves enough to stay.

  5. You have the strongest ties to the ones that will be there for the worst of it all. Give those ties a tug when needed. They’ll be there.

  6. Your bit of earth is rich and vibrant. Watch it grow and cultivate it during the quiet seasons. Quiet doesn’t mean fallow.

  7. Everything that is inside you that tells you are unintelligent is a lie. Your intelligence moves mountains not only outwardly but on the insides of others. Don’t hide your processing and thoughts. It’s your calling to share.

  8. Celebrate every win. Don’t shy away from being proud.

  9. Listen to your gut. It has never steered you wrong.

  10. If you thought ‘family’ was a word to pitch your tent to, think again. Learn. Connect and learn again.

  11. Lean not on others, but stand upright on the two feet you were given.

  12. Take up space and hold space in every room you walk into.

  13. Reject every 'othering’ narrative that seeks to control a room.

  14. Embrace the woman and mothering ways that only you uniquely inhabit.

  15. Work on what you are aware of, stay learning and work some more.

  16. Be the friend you need and want… but draw the line at being used and sucked dry.

  17. Process every wound and give it air. Work to find it’s best healing and do not deny its presence and process.

  18. Expect more from yourself. You are already capable of more than you realize.

  19. If you were told to let someone else do it in your childhood / young adult years, give it a go alone. See if you are capable. (you probably are.)

  20. Drive. Stay independant. Never let fear drive the car.

  21. Dress to please you and how you want to present yourself. Not for anyone else.

  22. When faced with misogyny / sexual misconduct, do not accept the blame. Call out the toxic patriarchy and let your words speak for themselves.

  23. Stay courageous, vulnerable and open….and share when you feel safe.

  24. Rather than letting them define you, define yourself.

  25. Travel when it suits you. If it doesn’t, don’t. If it does, do.

  26. You always know when it’s time for a change. Your restless heart beat will let you know.

  27. Others won’t be ready for your changes, but you will be. Let that be enough.

  28. Protect your independence and ability to stand on your own two feet. Question anyone who wants to make you dependant.

  29. Question anyone who puts you on a pedestal.

  30. “Just between us” is a death sentence.

  31. Move your body. You will always feel better after.

  32. Anyone you have loved has gotten a glimpse of heaven through your love…don’t discredit your heart and what you have given.

  33. Stay witty. You are a firecracker and they love that about you. (& it keeps you alive for yourself)

  34. Stay you. Stay Amy freaking Grace.

Releasing Expectations & Rejecting Scarcity

Releasing Expectations & Rejecting Scarcity - byamygrace

expectation | ˌekˌspekˈtāSH(ə)n | noun a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future: reality had not lived up to expectations | there is the expectation that some individuals will do better in the program than others | he drilled his men in expectation of a Prussian advance. a belief that someone will or should achieve something: students had high expectations for their future. (expectations) archaic one's prospects of inheritance.

scarcity | ˈskersədē | noun (plural scarcities) the state of being scarce or in short supply; shortage: a time of scarcity | the growing scarcity of resources.Last Year I made an active decision to step back from my own perception of ‘expectations’.

A year ago

I began letting go of the expectations and uncovering the root of scarcity as a belief system. Be it perceived expectations by myself or real expectations from outside myself; I had been carrying a weight I identified would not allow me to grow further.

I have been actively letting go of:

  • Being the sole organizer and leader for family and friendships.

  • The belief system in the traditional path into media and creative writing is the only true path.

  • Our small family and personal life choices will match those we interact with.

  • The belief in exactly who would/will be in my corner when the chips were down, and real life was crashing in.

  • Our ability to enjoy ourselves is limited.

  • Certainty.

Since actively working daily on letting go of expectations from myself and society/others, I have realized that so much of my pain is self-induced and has also been permitted by me.

I am actively embracing:

  • Engaging in in-depth and connective family and friendships that go deep.

  • Sinking into a documentary journalism career that I love, am excellent at and continue to thrive and grow in.

  • Celebrating our unique choices and options as a small family to engage with each other and the world around us.

  • Enjoying deepening the small collective of friends, family and colleagues who continue to show up for me/us.

  • Identifying the trauma and roots of scarcity within my family and society.

  • Looking ahead to the future with curiosity and wonder rather than with fear and scarcity.

Releasing expectations and rejecting scarcity is not a practice I will be automatically able to step away from. This is a practice I will have to remain mindful of and continue the self-reflective work to find the roots of fear and continue pulling them out one at a time.

Onwards,

2023 | Spring

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Tulips sprouting from garden earth. Text: Spring 2023 - byamygrace

When Spring arrived on March 20th, I was ill-prepared.

I felt the heaviness of the project I was working on (a project that highlighted the severe plight of paramedics in my Province) and the lack of connection to my faith, which usually feels closer during the Lent season. I felt the pressing in of my life and business partners' trip in early April coming all too fast.

I decorated for Easter with lacklustre. I found agony in how other families gathered and celebrated bunnies, eggs and cute family photos in a way I have been unable to make happen again since childhood.

Yet as the sun begins its descent each evening, I have felt a promise of a world opening up. A new birth to a new version of the life we have been living.

And isn't that the promise of Easter in the first place?

New life, a rebirth.

The broken, the perceived dead could be risen out of the ground and made into something we couldn't have imagined.

This Spring, I am actively sourcing a new way, a new life, and the renewed soil ready for me; for us.

Enough of this life I thought would be.
Enough of this old narrative and the old way of doing things.
It is time to embrace the miracles. The right now moments are rich with potential and joy.

This Spring, I will leave behind

  • Surface small talk to get me by

  • Hesitating in scarcity mentality in my work

  • Staying street bound in family movement

  • Sinking into the weight of death.

This Spring, I will be

  • Welcoming deep, intelligent connections and conversations

  • Investing back into the work, I am driven to create

  • Embracing collective family movement

  • Celebrating life.

Creative Field Notes | X

Episode X - a study on the beauty and journey of imperfection.

Creative Field Notes is a series that studies the way creativity weaves itself throughout and communicates with all aspects of the natural rhythms of life.

MUSIC: Think of Me - Phantom of the Opera.

Sheet music played by Amy Grace was sight read and played for the first time in three years.

Creative Field Notes | I

For the year 2022, I’ll be working on a personal project and series “Creative Field Notes”.

Using my personal reflections, creative inspirations and topics I find that is relevant I will be putting together content in a monthly format that aims to reflect that process.

I am not fully clear on how this will shape itself, but I believe that is the whole point.

I want to become closer to myself and those around me through my creative journey.
I want to document more.
I want to find out how this lives outside of myself

and

I want to stay attentive and mindful of the creative process as a whole.

Whatever else occurs while working on this, will surely be an on-the-ground and active discovery.

Onwards,