2014 Breaks & 2015 Plans

There has been a sense in the air that I need to stop and wait.  Wait and discern.  Discern and decide.  Decide and act.  

There is a 'mama restlessness' inside of me that doesn't want to move until I have put my finger on what it is I need to focus on next.

For now, I am taking a break.  A break from 'Chewables' and a break from pressuring myself to get work out there.   I will still 'work' but I may be working in a different sense this December.  I will be bringning myself into a healthier place of this awareness so that 2015 can be a year of new life, of focus, of spiritual awareness and of maintaining myself along the way. 

I don't plan on being a mom who carves her life out for only her children.  No.  I want to be aligned with my faith, and in turn I believe that will bring me to understand the needs and desires of myself.  If I can understand the direction "I am called to be going" then I can connect with my husband at an honest level and if our marriage is settled in the moment we are in, then being parents in a way we want to be should become clear.  And doesn't everything else just trickle from there?

So I need a month.  A month to gather myself into a warm blanket and listen to whatever this new year, new life will mean.  Because there is more where all this came from and I don't want to spout out nothing.  I want to leak love out like an ocean through all the cracks.  I want the truth of life to slip through my fingers and into my work like an impossible deluge of rain.  I want to collide with those who need to hear in ways I can't understand, and I want to stop this voiceless fear that had me silent so long.  It's been a journey to become this woman and I don't want to stop.  I don't want it to end here and plug up the drains and say "thats all I can do."  

I am committed to becoming every day, and every year more of what I was called to do.  This was a training year....so now I am getting real.