2014 Breaks & 2015 Plans
There has been a sense in the air that I need to stop and wait. Wait and discern. Discern and decide. Decide and act.
There is a 'mama restlessness' inside of me that doesn't want to move until I have put my finger on what it is I need to focus on next.
For now, I am taking a break. A break from 'Chewables' and a break from pressuring myself to get work out there. I will still 'work' but I may be working in a different sense this December. I will be bringning myself into a healthier place of this awareness so that 2015 can be a year of new life, of focus, of spiritual awareness and of maintaining myself along the way.
I don't plan on being a mom who carves her life out for only her children. No. I want to be aligned with my faith, and in turn I believe that will bring me to understand the needs and desires of myself. If I can understand the direction "I am called to be going" then I can connect with my husband at an honest level and if our marriage is settled in the moment we are in, then being parents in a way we want to be should become clear. And doesn't everything else just trickle from there?
So I need a month. A month to gather myself into a warm blanket and listen to whatever this new year, new life will mean. Because there is more where all this came from and I don't want to spout out nothing. I want to leak love out like an ocean through all the cracks. I want the truth of life to slip through my fingers and into my work like an impossible deluge of rain. I want to collide with those who need to hear in ways I can't understand, and I want to stop this voiceless fear that had me silent so long. It's been a journey to become this woman and I don't want to stop. I don't want it to end here and plug up the drains and say "thats all I can do."
I am committed to becoming every day, and every year more of what I was called to do. This was a training year....so now I am getting real.