WORK | Holding Space
As I have been working this year on various projects, I have been reminded of this vital concept again and again.
Holding Space is an incredible act.
It takes more grace and humbling than one can genuinely wrap one's head around.
Even when I find myself saying, "ahh, there we are, we are doing it. I am sitting in this moment holding Space for this." I am highly aware of how it is attempting to slip and change through my fingers at any time. Our egos and sense of self-importance are at constant war with the act of holding Space.
I am not sure that I am excellent at it.
But I know that I can walk away from moments with an incredible sense of wonder when I attempt it.
"Wow…what was that?"
"What went on there?"
"Something just happened, and somehow we all survived."
If I could communicate anything through this incredibly abstract concept, is this:
Holding Space is simply that. You exist at the moment you are in, and you have that moment. You look around you, feel inward, and feel outward, but your output stops or is slowed.
Instead of worrying about what to say next, how to act, or how to be, or how to react at all, you get comfortable with what is happening in front of you.
Often times this is very apparent to me when it's obvious someone is spinning out emotionally.
And let me be clear,
I recognize this because I can be this.
It's easier to recognize something in someone else that we have already been or done.
Holding Space for someone who is not acting appropriately, not comprehending their own possibly toxic behaviour (my own included) is a way to honour the hurt that is occurring in front of you, but it is also honouring the 'you' inside. To hold Space means that you can see the depth and layers of it all and recognize that although you may have triggered something and have something to learn here, the behaviour isn't about or a reflection of you.
Holding Space is the practice of taking your own self-importance and placing it on the shelf to bear witness to what is happening.
Does it mean you let abuse occur?
No.
Does it mean you relinquish your own humanity and allow someone to treat you inappropriately?
No.
Does it mean you table your own healing to stay in the pit with someone else?
No.
It means holding Space for yourself first.
If you can learn to hold Space for yourself in a holistic way, you will hold Space for others.
Hold Space for what is still broken in you.
Hold Space for the learning you still have yet to learn.
Hold Space for the dreams you are dreaming.
Hold Space for the body that you are caring for.
Hold Space for the history that made you.
Hold Space for the healing that you are working on.
Hold Space for the you that is you.
When we do this, turning it outward and holding Space for others becomes not just something we can begin to understand but a practice that we can fully take on holistically and healthily.
We bear witness to the pain and life of others because we have first bared witness to our own.