Remember verb \ri-ˈmem-bər\
: to have or keep an image or idea in your mind of (something or someone from the past) : to think of (something or someone from the past) again
: to cause (something) to come back into your mind
: to keep (information) in your mind : to not forget (something)
Creating is a process of movement, and there is nothing stationary about a writers year in tandem with seasons. A fluid moving ocean with swells, waves and stills.
It is on this twenty fifth day of life that I turn and look behind me.
A far distance from a story that almost wrecked health, relationships, and sanity. Caught in a current, there were hopeless helpless cries to the birds that flied above from my spirit to theirs. And tattooed birds grace this ones left shoulder. A reminder of the birds that are freed and given flight.
It may seem like a lifetime ago, but I need to look behind me.
A phone call on a twenty-fifth birthday dropping possibilities, and I have to keep present.
We all have shadows of our past selves walking behind us, reminding us.
They can be the shadows of truth whispering encouragement, or one can allow them to be whispers of darkness trying to pull you back.
Which are yours?
My shadow is a girl of confusion. A girl who would rather rely on someone else' definition of herself than step out on her own. Independence is a scary thing and is it not funny how birds will be shoved out of nests to be taught how to fly? Yet a girl can't even get her toe out. And that shadow speaks to me.
"You learned how to fly...see." She points to my shoulder and I remember.
I remember the moment I dedicated all of my words to truth. The moment I remembered that I was a writer who gave my life, my words, my art to everything that was beyond myself.
On this twenty five, I remember and I say it again.
"My work, my life, my art, everything, it is not mine. It is for the One who called me and brought me out of the fear-nest and into the night sky. The One who strengthened my wings so I could see the dawn. To the One who provides the shelter from the rain and the worms for the eating. The One who receives glory to see me fly, Who provides so I can flourish, Who lavishes love, grace, healing and words. To that One, I live, breathe, and give my life to."
On this twenty five I find myself coming up to a wide open sky, and I will Remember my shadow life, so I can live my full life.