I heard the rumble beneath my feet.
A storm warning.
I think we all heard it.
I think we all knew that 2020 would change us.
I’m not sure that any of us knew how much.

How much wreckage, ache and wounds it would leave in its wake.

The people who died.
The people who suffered.
The people who wailed for a nation and a world to wake up.
The people who lost incomes and opportunities.
The people who were trapped.

2020 was a year I proclaimed boldness over my life. I knew that if I was to continue in the direction I was heading, I would need to harness my fears and daily make choices that went against my own tendencies to anxiety. So with an understanding of what it would mean to be bold, I went into the year asking for the grace to keep space for myself and others as I navigated the unknowns, and the confidence to trust the calling.

And then it began.

My steadfast and strong grandfather being taken by cancer in mere weeks, gripping onto my cousin as we grappled with the loss we just couldn’t comprehend and the realization that we couldn’t hold a funeral. The world announcing a pandemic, and staying home to stay safe. Thirty-three people murdered near our city by a man dressed as a police officer. Watching the outcry of the Black Lives Matter movement and discussing the systemic racism found in every corner of our world, including our own mixed-race family. Finding that our current home might not be the best place for our little family to continue growing, trying to sell our little home and find a new one. Kidney stones. Sending our daughter to her first year of a public school during a pandemic with masks in her pockets. A grandmother diagnosed with cancer….

But I see it there.

Boldness.

It’s a golden thread.

It’s in those quiet moments of attempting to hold each other close in the grief despite past traumas and pain. In that persistence in writing applications despite a lack of work opportunities. In the discussions with those in Women in Film about how to better support our BIPOC community. Trusting that our next home was waiting for us as we did the work of preparing and searching. Accepting sponsorship to take online classes from a producer and writer in England and learning how to collaborate with colleagues in new ways. Advocating for my own physical health in an emergency room. Supporting our daughter through so much change into her first year of school. Pitching ideas to broadcasters and honouring contracts. Finding a new sense of ourselves after so much heartache and pain.

& so,

We’ve suffered, and we’ve come out battered and a bit wounded.

I would also argue, that a lot of that wounding and reshaping…

It was for a way to be made new in this new decade.

We are called to new things.

If we stay the same,

Live the way we always have lived

See-through the same lens we’ve always been viewing it all through,

We’ll never be truly becoming.

Making the bold next right move has transformed the way I look at things. The world is a place full of beauty, and full of pain. How we hold space for both of those truths is something that will define us and those around us.

I want to continue into the next year continuing the work that boldness showed me.

It’s possible to call out what is dangerous, what is systemic and harmful and not lose the grace and perspective that allows us to recognize the pain and wounds that have shaped the situations before us.

Ever complex, ever-evolving, ever-changing and always needing someone to hold space for the next bold right thing.

A little summary on September.

Top centre - Clockwise : Black tank romper | The Gap, Blue tank | Modcloth, Tank dress | H&M, White silk tank | RW&Co, White/Grey striped cropped pants | RW&Co, Jean Shorts | The Gap, White T Shirt Dress | La Vie en Rose, Brown Purse | Modcloth, Butterfly Sweater | Winners, Dock Candle | Gift from Jasmine Alexander, Biker Yoga Shorts | Aerie, Sun Glasses | Prada, Blue / White Striped Romper | Aerie, Daisy Jones & The Six | Chapters

Summer this year was not what we expected. Kidney Stones, selling our first home, buying a new home, preparing our little for Grade Primary during a pandemic… compared to others these are minor problems. We are well overall, we have a roof over our heads, our daughter has what she needs. That being said,

I would be remiss if I didn’t say we are experiencing whiplash from a certain amount of the heightened stress we’ve had to journey the past year (much which is unmentioned and I talk about minimally).

The above picture indicates the clothes I wore on routine this season. Even though I had other options, exhaustion, lack of ‘outings’ etc meant that much of my beloved summer clothes went unworn and I chose to re-wear these select items for ease.

I trust that next summer will be different than this one.

New to Me

Under Armour Sneakers | I wore out my sketchers of 10 years. Thus it made sense to invest in a new pair of runners.

Butterfly Sweater | My first solo shopping trip out after the pandemic restrictions lifted, I saw this sweater. It has become a symbolic piece during the wild months we have been living.

Still Going Strong

Blue silk tank | My first thought out purchase postpartum, August 2015, goes strong. I ADORE this shirt and hope it stays with me for the next five years.

Prescription Sunglasses | I picked these up at All About Eyeware in Bedford, NS. Having Perscription sunglasses change everything. I had a few very embarrassing moments occur while I was out for a walk where people were trying to get my attention and I didn’t realize who they were or that they were gesturing to me. An upfront cost, but very worth it.

Time to Go

Sketcher Sneakers | The state of my Sketchers was embarrassing. Of course, making shoe purchases amidst a pandemic poses its challenges. In the end, I dragged myself out and purchases this pair. A middle ground pair of sneakers that I can do my cardio workouts in, and get out for walks in,

Jean Shorts | Another one of my first purchases postpartum in 2015. These jean shorts have been my only jeans shorts and are one of 2 ‘non workout shorts’ that I own. This pair was begging to be replaced this year, and although I didn’t get around to it, I know it will be first on my list next summer. They are falling apart in embarrassing ways.

Inside our new closet I was able to see the clothes I didn’t wear this season and want to appreciate my love for them and hopes that next summer will look different than this one.

I think it’s safe to say I have a colour pallet for the warmer months of the year.

While coping and recovering from Kidney stones I ended up having the laydown time to read. I inhaled these books and am so glad that with the return of the Halifax Public Libraries I am back to my normal reading routine.

You, Me, and the Sea | Meg Donohue

A beautiful take on what it means to come from a damaged home and find one’s own identity outside of it to return to make space better. I enjoyed the relational realism that was depicted in this story.

Where the Sidewalk Ends | Shel Silverstein

A fun read with our daughters. A few of Shel’s poems before bed often gave us a good laugh or a thoughtful pause.

Landline | Rainbow Rowell

Inhaled this read in 24 hours. Rainbow Rowell writes her stories in a way that allows the reader to relax, get curious and enjoy the ride. A story about what qualities are in a long-lasting relationship and what makes them survive.

Becoming | Michelle Obama

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Michelle’s account of her life thus far. Written beautifully and easy to follow her everyday woman’s journey from girlhood to becoming FLOTUS.

Little Fires Everywhere | Celeste Ng

A stunning read on motherhood written by Celeste Ng set in the 1990s in a traditional planned community of “Shake Heights” in Ohio. Character development is a steller, you can picture the community and the people who live there. A beautiful story.

May didn’t allow for much creativity and exploration in using the camera or documenting.

That being said, for the sake of the 1 year monthly project, May is here.
Albeit a bit late.

Conrads Beach, Nova Scotia. 2020

How is it that we are already at the midway point of 2020?

It's safe to say this year was not a year any of us would have expected.

Globally, a pandemic and call to action to address racism, specifically in regards to Black communities.

Nationally, the effects of a pandemic and wake up call to how we work and play.

Provincially, a mass shooting concluded to be our countries largest to date and the very strict lockdown and social distancing measures our government took. Their leadership leading us to have zero cases the past two and a half weeks and to open up to the Atlantic provinces after Canada Day to connect with our maritime families.

Personally, the loss of a grandfather, a delay and unknown time for a memorial service, work being shifted to pre-production and development instead of production and being on sets. Working from home, teaching preschool from home…

I could go on…

I started 2020, embracing the word "Bold'. I wanted to embrace the next right bold moves.

Shockingly despite the blows, this remains true. I may not be hopping on a plane like I thought I would be, or seeing Jeremy off to Israel for a work trip, but we have found that the bold moves can also be the quiet and unseen ones.

Applying for a learning opportunity, saying yes to new initiatives, developing new concepts and working on new collaborations with ongoing projects.

Recognizing a need for our family and stepping out in faith to ask for it. Unknowns all around but feeling strongly that it's the Bold right next step we need to take and patiently see where it takes us.

So far, 2020 has taught me that Boldness and making Bold moves are often not as loud as you think it would be.

It's not the roar the lioness makes, but the way she looks before she does it. Her roar is simply a signal of what is to come. A minor thing in comparison to the action she is about to take.

So, although I thought 2020 would be about me making a big noise in work and life, what I realize is that it's the intent behind the next bold right move that is what get's you places and sometimes the next bold right thing is not what you expected until you are right on top of it.

And then you pull back, look around and prepare to roar before leaping forward and digging into what comes next.

Women in Film & Television Atlantics ‘Women Making Waves’ Conference sets the bar

for what it means to connect, find solidarity and hone in on one’s own personal and professional directive.

Every single woman (and man) who attends this conference brings their own unique skills and experience to the table. To witness this communing and celebrating what each of us brings is something I continue to be amazed by. This year was no different.

Highlights of the Conference

Friday Workshops

This is the first year I have been able to attend the add on workshops that kick start the conference. I had so many personal and professional takeaways from my time in the sessions I attended.

Really I’d Never Considered That! A Career Strategy Session with Sharon McGowan

Sharon approaches the industry in a unique and relaxed way. She is passionate about the work and also practical in her thinking about it. She does have an immense amount of experience behind her, which I believe is also why she can approach the journey with insight as well as a healthy dose of practicality. My take away’s from Sharon is the tenacity and how she doesn’t approach the industry with a clad iron fist of ‘now or never’ but with consistency, love for the work and showing up to continue pushing boundaries that have come against women for decades.

How to Create a Binge-Worthy Show in the Era Of Global Streaming with Amy Cameron

Having the opportunity to interview Amy Cameron for the Tidings a month before her coming allowed me the knowledge of what this woman brings to the table. Insight, discernment and a passion for the creative drive. You can see that with all the work she has done in the past and all the work she is pushing forward now lines up with her values and determination to create projects and storytelling that gives a hearty edgy wink while also making us think deeper than the mere surface.

Spotlight Conversation with Meredith MacNeill: Playing the Game While Changing the Game

Meredith made us laugh and she also made us think. I was most surprised and elated by her because admittedly I am behind in watching her sketch comedy and previous work. Her story is a story that although we might not all have, we can all relate to it. To hear her carve out space for the many elements of her life both personal and professional is refreshing and something we all need to hear again and again. It makes me less ashamed to have put my young daughter a focus the past few years and celebrate that by honouring my desire and need to be her primary caregiver I will also be able to grow into the professional and woman I need to be.

Musical Chairs Networking Lunch

This is the second year of the musical chairs networking lunch, (where everyone is given two numbers on two different coloured papers, sits at one table that corresponds to one number for the first twenty minutes of lunch and then a second table the last twenty mins.) Although I was hosting a table this year, I still gained the benefits of it. I would never have met the women and man who sat at my table if not for this unique way of getting us talking, connecting and celebrating the work we do.

The IOM Media Ventures Wave Awards Celebration Dinner

Ending the night with friends and, new connections with food drink and celebrating the work of others is all apart of creating a healthy and dynamic growing industry. A lot of exhaling was happening around the table I sat at & I was so thankful for that time.

THANK-YOU

To have something in the Maritimes with this amount of accessibility is phenomenal. From the New Waves program which introduced me to the industry, to writing for the Tidings here and there, joining the board, finding my way and connecting with women who want to see me grow and be challenged has been life-changing. We have so much to thank the founding members for spearheading this WIFT chapter form the very beginning. If anything, I hope to lift up and celebrate as many women as they continue to do.

The days ticked by in December.

I still hadn’t identified my one word for 2020.

A year that looks and feels like something special. 100 years ago, women in North America and beyond were beginning to modernize and break out of the molds that had been set for them. It seems fitting that we are entering a new decade where #metoo, cultural sensitivity and gender parity are topics on the table. Ten years ago I graduated as an American Sign Language English Interpreter, got engaged to my now partner in crime and started my first career-focused job interpreting at a high school. I was attempting to fit the mold I believed was what I was made for. Part of it was learned, part of it was my own interpretation of what was expected of me, and part of it was fear of not having a place in this world. So I made it myself.

I didn’t ask permission then, and thankfully I don’t ask permission now.

It was seeing a simple posting from a professional entity on social media mid-December that moved me into 2020. A simple post about an opportunity. So I clicked. I clicked through many links and read through all the information and then it dawned on me.

This is my next BOLD right move.

Bold

bold | bəʊld | adjective 1 (of a person, action, or idea) showing a willingness to take risks; confident and courageous

It’s wasn’t the certainty that I could get something that made me sense the rightness of it. It was the realization that I had come to a place, somehow in the past 365-day journey where I could click through all of these links and recognize that who I am matched what was being asked for. That I could step up, raise my hand and ask “How about me?” and do that with a nervous heartbeat, but one that was assured, confident and ready to step out and welcome the risks.

I am ready.

2019 was, in many respects, a difficult year. It was also a year of growth and seeing that growth made me realize that it is time to be making moves.

Not rushed and unsure moves.

Just simple, patient and the next bold right move.