What carrying the word Divine so far along with me has taught me is that to encounter a divine presence within oneself and in life, one must make the incredibly uncomfortable act of shedding all the layers that have kept the true core self from being seen by oneself and others.
Winter
To receive what is sacred and delightful, one must purge what isn’t serving. This is not a pretty process. It is often a violent and physically draining journey. As the weeks of winter ticked by, I felt myself be emptied of everything that had been keeping me going before. It was a reckoning of the mind, body and spirit.
Practically, this meant letting go of routines, focusing on just one thing at a time, and pouring energy into learning how to academically support not just myself, but my daughter, in a way I never thought I would have or want to do. It dawned on me that if I want to be the role model she needs, and I wish I had had, I need to reframe my understanding of my perceived limitations. I approached mathematics in a new way and began to engage with her learning anew. It was an incredibly challenging and purging season, and yet, the cleansing brought a new awareness.
Spring
What is fascinating is that after one purges the toxic and no longer serving elements from one’s life, one cannot simply reintroduce them, and one certainly cannot expect to return to the way things were. So much of spring was the Divine showing me what I needed to protect against and what I needed to provide new space for. It was a trial-and-error season that felt incredibly personal and incredibly draining.
Summer
After so much deep cleaning and cleansing, a new thing is growing and thriving under a new awareness. My understanding of what is sacred and delightful is shifting into a peaceful presence of what I know to be true in the deepest parts of myself. My wounds and hard edges are still navigating themselves, but as I have reached mid-year, I can see how the word and energy of Divine is a way to be close to both the light and the dark without fear. All that is alive needs both the darkest night and the brightest light. The balance is how we push for more, always reaching outwards and upwards.
This year has been and I know will continue to be deeply transformative. Not every year of life is - but as this one is teaching me - when the ground is shifting beneath your feet - it’s best to be open to the change and surrender to what wants to be revealed.
