Another year in lockdown during my birthday.

In many ways, it was discouraging to be changing plans, yet again.

In other ways, it was a delicious opportunity to go inward and truly reflect on what another year of my life has meant and what another year of life to live could mean.

If I was to put my finger on something,

it would be those moments of quiet questions that have led and continue to lead towards the deeper and more important questions.

What are you called to do, now, with others?

This can be difficult to look at within the confines of a pandemic.

I would like to think that my world is vast, my connections and work is large, and that in fact I am called to create space for many, many people.

This is not untrue.

I also think that a habit of mine, and any of us in a world of so much access, is get caught up in the dizzying ‘much-ness’ of the world.

What came with the pandemic restrictions has been a grappling, and a true reality check to make us rethink what access and connection means.

We still scroll and listen and have our ties in places that far outreach us.

Yet,

How do we show up to those in front of us?

How do we show up for those far away?

There is a movement I have noticed.

What are you going to do when the pandemic is over?
When life is back to normal, what are your goals?

I am sensing in my deep spirit not to go back to that type of thinking.

I am called to go back to that guttural core of me and create that space in the here and now with the way things are today.

So a declaration that is happening in my thirty-second year is to continue the work with those who are in my space today. To honour the project ideas and work to adapt to the confines of any given moment.

Going back to what was, is to say that all that once was, was good and healthy.

I think we all know that 24/7 life was not a healthy route we all were taking.
I think we all have seen what baking bread, time to reassess our values, raise our kids, muddle in the quiet, struggle with the heartbreak of a world still so broken, and the senseless inhuman treatment of so many …

We need to humanize ourselves and our callings again.
To humanize ourselves means we are one step closer to humanizing ‘the others’.

Strip it back and see what we all have left to work on, cultivate and create.

So much potential in the human life if we but give ourselves the chance and space to sort, muse, ponder, wonder, and be moved into action.

Big.

Small.

or simply.

the one thing we can do today for ourselves and those who inhabit our space.

In the end,

it’s all a ripple affect.

Onwards to 32.

Three videos I made for a sweet and lovely spirit who lives across the country.
They aren’t perfectly produced due to a time crunch, but they did what I wanted them to do.
I wanted her to know how much I cared about her on her thirtieth birthday despite the distance.
Each video encapsulates an area of our friendship in one way or another.

this is thirty-one.

The lead up to this birthday was difficult.

Losing a grandfather who helped bolster my dreams, a global pandemic causing us to stay home, a provincial mass shooting that reached a national level, and an atmosphere change in our little home…. the layers of these events, although a warrior I believe myself to be…created a weakening in my heart. Tears have come easily and without much effort and, a new realization of what is to come has surfaced.

I am wrapping my head around this one.

Thirty-One didn’t arrive with streamers and confetti for me.

Thirty-One didn't come with a big celebration.

Thirty-One arrived with an invitation and a whisper.

Thirty-One left a challenge at my doorstep.

Will you dream new and different? Will you open yourself up to something more than what is currently before you?

On the one hand, this invitation is coming clearly. I see collaborations and work developing at a new and exciting rate.

On the other hand, this invitation is a road full of fog and unknowns before me. I can hear the invitation, but I can’t see around the bend. How can I let go of what I have known for something I don’t yet know of?

And this is where the practice of releasing what I hold dear and opening myself up to what is new and the next right thing to comes into my life.

A practice that is harder than one would ever want to admit.

A practice I may have done a million times, only to struggle to do it a million and one times more.

This is thirty - one.