Another year in lockdown during my birthday.

In many ways, it was discouraging to be changing plans, yet again.

In other ways, it was a delicious opportunity to go inward and truly reflect on what another year of my life has meant and what another year of life to live could mean.

If I was to put my finger on something,

it would be those moments of quiet questions that have led and continue to lead towards the deeper and more important questions.

What are you called to do, now, with others?

This can be difficult to look at within the confines of a pandemic.

I would like to think that my world is vast, my connections and work is large, and that in fact I am called to create space for many, many people.

This is not untrue.

I also think that a habit of mine, and any of us in a world of so much access, is get caught up in the dizzying ‘much-ness’ of the world.

What came with the pandemic restrictions has been a grappling, and a true reality check to make us rethink what access and connection means.

We still scroll and listen and have our ties in places that far outreach us.

Yet,

How do we show up to those in front of us?

How do we show up for those far away?

There is a movement I have noticed.

What are you going to do when the pandemic is over?
When life is back to normal, what are your goals?

I am sensing in my deep spirit not to go back to that type of thinking.

I am called to go back to that guttural core of me and create that space in the here and now with the way things are today.

So a declaration that is happening in my thirty-second year is to continue the work with those who are in my space today. To honour the project ideas and work to adapt to the confines of any given moment.

Going back to what was, is to say that all that once was, was good and healthy.

I think we all know that 24/7 life was not a healthy route we all were taking.
I think we all have seen what baking bread, time to reassess our values, raise our kids, muddle in the quiet, struggle with the heartbreak of a world still so broken, and the senseless inhuman treatment of so many …

We need to humanize ourselves and our callings again.
To humanize ourselves means we are one step closer to humanizing ‘the others’.

Strip it back and see what we all have left to work on, cultivate and create.

So much potential in the human life if we but give ourselves the chance and space to sort, muse, ponder, wonder, and be moved into action.

Big.

Small.

or simply.

the one thing we can do today for ourselves and those who inhabit our space.

In the end,

it’s all a ripple affect.

Onwards to 32.

taken by Jasmine Alexander at ‘The Watch that Ends the Night’ , Dartmouth, NS.

Thirty.

The turning over into a new decade. Something worth celebrating.

10 new years to sink deeper into who I am, where I am called and discovering gold in the corners of life.

Many things are being left in my twenties, things that made me new and things that forced me to grow despite my own fear.

What I am taking into my thirties.

That seat at the table

I am not questioning the seats that open up for me anymore, and neither am I going to continue doubting wether the fold up chair under my arm will match enough with others at the table. It’s apparent that I have work to do in this world that is uniquely and specifically mine to show up for.

A unique voice.

I am permitting and embracing my own unique voice to exist outside of my own perceived safety zones. Pushing back and letting my voice represent me has been an incredible journey thus far and continues to bring me closer to the One who made me.

A well rounded intelligence

I am celebrating the intelligence that resides within me. I have had incredible experiences so far, both personally and professionally that have led me to where I am. What I add to a team, a vision or just in conversation is so worthy. Each experience grows us when we stay open to it.

Relationships that go both ways

I am lavish and loyal in relationships. In embracing my unique love languages and how I best connect both personally and professionally, I am enlightened to realize that my worn out spirit has choices. Investing in personal and professional relationships that can thrive with a healthy amount of expressive interaction, space and trust is everything for this next decade.

Delicious food both healthy and indulgent

I am healed by the act of taking in delicious food. I have learned that at the dining table I have found an awareness of myself and others that has left me inspired, encouraged and made new again. To share that experiences with those I love and continue to grow my pallet is an exciting adventure.

That comedic take on life

I am anchored by humour through every season. I didn’t realize how much laughter I had been raised on until I started raising my own child. Finding the laughter in even the toughest season is where I am the best of me.

Embracing every inch of my strong capable body

I am incredibly capable as I am. I am daily practicing to love every inch of what I have. Long legs, short torso, aging hands, crinkly eyes, stretch marks, high cheek bones, sharp eyes that disappear when I smile... All of it. It’s mine to celebrate until I die.

All that strong visioning skills

I can see projects, ideas, concepts, styles, etc before they are created. I have an incredible eye for design & creation. I won’t be letting that sit idle. Time to use it with joy.

Gut instinct

I am insightful and it’s easy to disregard when faced to explain it to someone who doesn’t sense the same thing, but enough life has passed for me to realize that it’s a skill to trust and not doubt.

The raw vulnerability

I have journeyed some incredibly tough situations the past ten years and through it all, what does remain is a raw vulernability that I have learned is a strength. Hard to feel strong about that when in the middle of a ‘storm’ but it continues to be what has kept me going, thriving and learning. That raw vulnerability may feel terrible in the moment, but it has moved mountains I am only just now learning about.

& with those tucked close, onward I go, into the next decade of learning, loving and luscious living.

No one tells you that the older you get the more you love yourself and the better life can be. Sure, there are always battles, trials and heavy situations to journey... but just having the opportunity to wake up and inhale a new day and get at life is an incredible honour. To live and breathe in fresh air is the biggest gift. 

If anything, I am journeying this last year in my twenties with a deeper sense of awareness of how much I have changed and become since turning 20. Amy then in many ways is foreign to me, and yet, the Amy now still has that core within her. I am still addicted to stories, musicals, raw emotional music and driving solo with the windows down and the volume turned on the loudest notch. I still dance and organize every inch of my life. 

Yet. 

I have shifted and learned more about what it means to be Amy. All of her. As she is. Without approval, affection, adoration. 

I have learned what it’s like to walk alone and yet not feel alone. I have learned to breathe and I have learned what my middle name really and truly means.  

Here’s to this last year of my twenties and whatever else they have left for me. 

Malasana Pose / As I like to call it : the natural birthing pose. 

I often get asked 'Why yoga?' when I describe my thirty minute one woman comedy/drama show is me on a yoga mat, doing yoga and using yoga as a platform to share my work.

I wrote The Mom Show or The Most Boring Show Ever at first, as a cathartic exercise.  The only thing coming out after having a baby was 'about having a baby'.  It was natural for me to let the words flow from a true and honest place.  I hope all women believe that what they have to share in their evolution into motherhood is valued and has a place in this world.  We need to hear more from them.

Woman. Mother.
Mother. Woman.

For me, they are one.  Intertwined and equally as valuable.  From my womanhood I am mother, and from my mother I am woman.  
 
Learning how to move my body again post birth by using my daily yoga practice was a healing journey.  My identity had been drastically altered and I was adrift with my own spirit and calling.  We'd all like to be those tough women who say "Motherhood didn't change me!"  But it does!  Anyone who says that it doesn't either has never had a child, been parents for years and blocked that stage of life out, or are trying to sell you something. 

Yoga is the ultimate mind, body, spirit workout.  By practicing it everyday that first month after my daughter was born I was giving myself permission to connect with my breath, my heartbeat, my true core questions and thoughts.  

So when I sat down with all of my thoughts on Mother. Woman.  Woman. Mother.  And began to edit each draft, I was seeing how clearly it all ebbed and flowed.  I could feel the inhale and the exhale in my words and the most natural thing in that moment was to pair them with yoga.

I chose yoga because it doesn't hide the truth about you.  If you are anxious or unsettled it shows, if you are strong and confident, it also shows.  There is a raw and deeply spiritual physical representation of oneself when you move your body and this is why I chose Yoga to be the platform for a one woman show about womanhood and motherhood intertwined.