Permission to make.
This was the main theme I left with after soaking in those five workshops that "Women in Film and Television Atlantic" provided myself and other women.
There is something about women that without even knowing it, we tend to insight doubt, fear and lack of knowledge into our minds as we ponder what it would be like to try our hand at something.
"I didn't go to school for that."
"I won't be as good as her/him."
"They won't understand why."
"I am a fraud."
"I am a mother. I can't do that too."
Whatever it is we tell ourselves, they can be summed up in a few themes.
Not our place. Not our intelligence. Not practical. Not believable.
I sat there in this class with women who act, write, perform, produce, aspire and was told again and again from the women (and one man) who stood and gave us a few tools for our toolkit that we were capable.
Make something. Anything. Seek out the women and others around you who know something. Maybe they won't help you, and maybe they will. Maybe all they can do is point you in the right direction.
By that doing, that showing up for yourself and forging the path, that is the permission.
I Learned About Myself
I found out that I am an abstract creator. I think with colour, texture, emotions rather than with words, logic or technical thinking. I may use the craft of words, but my mind is all contrast, gut and emotions. I learned I need to work on finding ways to bridge that gap. The gap between abstract and logic. I learned that writing will always be my first love, and I learned that editing is everything that would make me want to pull my hair out. I learned that I knew a lot more about creating online content then I give myself credit for and I learned that playing with other mediums that interest me to produce my work will not only teach me more about myself but open up creative spaces in my brain I hadn't thought about before.
Ultimately, I learned not to limit myself in capabilities. That it's really about being able to humble yourself in what you don't know, in order to gain that awareness of what you can learn from and alongside others.
I am still figuring out how to apply these things into my work and my next projects. I truly believe this opportunity has been the stepping stone for me for ideas and mediums which before I would have told myself wasn't my place.
It's time to let go of limitations and be a bit incredulous in my scheming.
PERMISSION TO MAKE!!!
There is something about this birthday, this year, this moment in time where I am stepping into a new clarity. A clarity I haven't been able to grasp onto before. This is different.
If anything 27 taught me, it was to make. Make with abandon and without reason. Good things come from making and clarity comes while one is in absolute abandon to their own inhibitions. Deciding to write and produce 'The Mom Show' has delivered me into a new comprehension of my own skills, worth and passions.
28. It's a year I feel called to be incredulous with my work and my reach. I can clearly see the time in which I need to set aside to pour into projects and I can clearly see how my focus will not only bleed into my own joy and peace but also into the atmosphere around me.
It is daunting to know that when I toasted 28 I was also welcoming in a new sense of 'limitlessness'. The word of my 27th year has journeyed with me and now I have come to a new word.
Claim. Alongside Incredulous. To believe that what I have been given, no matter how incredulous it may seem, has a life in this world. Call it daring, call it wild, call it whatever you will.
Whatever 'this' is, this is what I was made for.