and it seemed that all at once, she was five.

Zoë has flourished over the last year.
Becoming more of herself separate from us.

I see myself in her eyes, the demonstrative affection and the willingness to drop everything and be silly for silly sake.

I see him in her thought out nature, fully engrossed ways and ability to tell people ‘how it is’ and ‘how it all works’.

More importantly, I see her.

Moved and affected by everything and everyone around her. She has taken on learning how to skate, read, write, have friendships and ultimately become more and more of herself every day.

To say we are proud of her is an understatement.
We are engrossed, overcome, blessed, challenged and inspired by her.

We delight in her.

In five more years she will be ten.
Hard to imagine the changes, the becoming, the metamorphosis that will happen between now and then and from then to beyond.

What we know for sure,

Zoë will always be a bright light as she is. All of the parts of who she is is what makes her unique. We couldn’t ask for anything else.

Our only prayer

is that she always be free in her spirit to be fully ‘Zoë’, however that is, however that grows and changes. May her spirit remain free from the expectations and standards of this world and may she step into whatever her calling may be despite what may try to come against her in her life.

This year marks the first year that we are introducing our almost five-year-old to watching movies.

Growing up, my sister and I didn’t have Cable with the endless channels and tv shows to watch. What we did have were parents who curated and created an experience around watching films. VHS tapes were aplenty in our house and if there was a TV movie or Hallmark special on, my mother would take a VHS over to my grandparent’s house and get it taped so we could watch it later.

As a rule, growing up, we watched films together first. Usually, it was over a pizza, a special dinner or dessert. Some sort of treat (even if just a bowl of ice cream) and we would all share in the experience. Once we had all watched the film together we were free to re-watch on our own time, but always, as a rule, we watched movies together first. Bonding over stories, the comedy, and quotes of films became a love language for my family. (I can, if needed, quote the entirety of ‘The Emporer’s New Groove’ on demand.)

I adored that tradition and this year we start a version of it ourselves with Zoë. We haven’t watched many films with her until now, partly due to her personality not being ready and another, in part, knowing that she has her whole life to catch up on all things ‘screen related’.

This year we will be watching a new film with her a movie a month. 12 Movies in 2020.

So far we have watched:

JAN: Frozen
FEB: Lady and the Tramp

Projected:

MAR: Mary Poppins

This Autumn I decided to start re-watching Parenthood.

We’ve loved this show for many reasons. Its characters show realistic family dynamics with deep, raw and real connections while also allowing each character room to grow, fail and struggle through life. Its value system is varied with each family and yet follows the wholistic vision of what it means to try to have a well intentioned, honouring family dynamic. It shows diversity in thought and individuality while also showing how we share our families traits, inconsistencies and that our hurts don’t just stop at one person, they follow through into each generation.

The ‘Little Bedford Family’ is certainly not ‘The Bravermans’, but the authenticity we want to create in our home and with the family and friends we have around us is a very real and present value in our hearts and minds.

The values this show has & reminded us of, again and again:

Stay Relational

Human beings are relational at our core. We crave to be seen as we are and often that means a lot of misfiring and mishaps as we go about it with our already self-perceived aches and pains in life. Being individuals, we all experience life a bit differently but we are all intertwined in various ways. Staying current in each others lives, expressing in our most outward form in effort to connect and finding each other amidst the busyness is an important quality. (for us, as a married couple, this means daily connecting after 10pm in conversation about the day, our latest thoughts, concerns and sharing in one of the television series that we are following.)

Stay Self-Aware

Knowing our limitations and boundaries with ourselves and with each other are effective tools in life and in family. Knowing what those are is not a way to stay divided, but to find ways in which to stay healthily connected.

Stay Lighthearted

Life is already heavy enough. Enjoying each others company and finding the joy and humour in the little things has a way of making memories and having something to laugh at when things are rough. (My cousin Kylie is a great example of this. We live provinces apart and still she is CONSTANTLY bringing up (via text or phone call) our childhood ridiculousness or even old or recent laughs at random. & there is nothing better than a good laugh during a rough day.)

Stay Gracious

When we cannot for the life of us understand the other, to do our best to pass grace in a way that honours ourself and the other person. We are not supposed to understand each other fully because how would we be able to practice ‘grace’ if it was that easy? And passing Grace doesn’t mean ignoring hurt or allowing toxicity, but it does mean allowing a gap for those things to exist as you recognize that there is much that you need to be given Grace for and much we need to give grace in return.

Three Years.

For three years Zoë has been changing the atmosphere around her and it was this past year that she took her expression and communication to the next level.  One day she was saying only a handful of words and still in diapers and the next she was retelling stories with description and using the bathroom like it was no big deal.  

As a parent each of these stages can feel like a lifetime.  Patiently being there for a little spirit with the right balance of encouragement, comfort, presence and peace.

We have always sensed that she held a lot inside and processed internally.  It wasn't until this year that we were able to truly see how beautiful it all was.  Zoë's ability to connect deeply with the world around her goes into a place that humbles me.

She is the spirit that deeply sees.

She is the spirit that deeply hears.

She is the spirit that deeply feels.

I am not sure what this all means as she grows, but what I do know it means in part, is that as parents Jeremy and I are called to be more vigilant with our actions and communication with each other and the world around us.  

To model what it means to feel all emotions with acceptance, presence and the knowledge that to live a deep and whole life, one must accept every layer of emotion.

Sometimes, I want to be selfish, have my own pity party and temper tantrum.  Believe you and me...there are days that I have a bubbling up of emotions that need to be dealt with and yet that is where she teaches me.  Her presence is teaching me that I cannot just let my own emotions and issues bubble over onto her, for that would do more harm than good, but that I seek a healthy and true processing release that allows her to witness these emotions in ways that models to her it is okay.

It is okay to be sad.

It is okay to be confused.

It is okay to be angry.

It is okay to be hurt.

It's how we process them, feel them, act on them and experience them within our lives and project them out to others that matters.

In our home I have put words on a wall, tucked quietly beside a light switch a reminder for us and anyone else who feels deeply.

"We have room for all of your emotions here."

I want that to be true for my daughter as she grows.  That her home is her safe place.  That her parents are people who feel lot's of things and who are not scared to process and journey through those feelings.

Three years seems like such a short time, but in three years, she has taught me more about how I express myself than any of the twenty-six years before.

Zoë Wing Zhe Lai - Two Years Old.

Coming alongside this little spirit to raise her into her place in this world has created an evolution in us.  Finding more purpose, meaning and intention in the 'dailys'.  Letting go of the unnecessary, making time for what creates a whole, healthy and functioning family, and growing deeper in a sense of individuality within all of that.

Two years of life has uncovered her independent nature.  There is nothing more stunning than seeing a little woman assert herself and her discernment of her own readiness astounds us.  When she has decided she is ready to learn a new skill, word or game, nothing will stop her.  She has also the patience to wait for her own spirit and body to catch up.  She will not be rushed or pushed into anything.

Peanut Butter Cupcake Cones - Family Tradition

Two years of solidifying our little family and learning about each other.  Quiet moments before the days end, all of us in the bed, even the cat, snuggled in and we inhale that scent of togetherness.

Two years of uncovering her incredible personhood.  

Thankful for this little spirit full of life, for her health, her nature, her ups and her downs.  Every year with her is a blessing.

It's been over a year since we made this video for Newbirth Doula, Adrienne Kehler.  It feels timely to re-share our love for doulas on our daughters Zoës second birthday and only a few days before we collaborate with the Nova Scotia Doula Association.

Check out their event page for this Saturday May 6th! 
The Mom Show can be attended outside of this workshop.
4:30pm.
Bedford Basin Farmers Market
397, Bedford Highway
$15.00 at the door!