I spent the better of two decades telling myself University was not for someone like me.
I thought finances, intellect, individuality, and worthiness were beyond my means.
Was this because of my conservative upbringing, where women were often pigeonholed as the caregivers of their families while the men worked? Was this because of the teachers who saw my marks and considered me a lost cause? Or was this a lie of my own making?

The unwinding of these self-restrictive thoughts continues, but their hold on me does not.

Sitting in the lecture hall of the Unversity of Kings College on the first day of my master’s education earlier this year, I was struck by how, rather than standing out as an odd duck, I was simply normal.

A storyteller and producer who knew and had honed her craft and was ready to refine it to it’s next level.

“Storytelling is your power and home here.” Gillian Turnbull - Director of Writing and Publishing, University of Kings College

Back to school is not just an ‘era’; it is coming home to the side of myself that I had believed I needed to hide. The side that intuitively knows the heartbeat and cadence of the scene, can break down story and character development without blinking and is more knowledgeable about the craft of the story than she lets on. The side that spins words to find healing and wholeness, the side that digs deeper into the personal to dig deeper in the relational. The side that knows that the craft of writing is a craft that can build bridges as quickly as it can burn them.

To the side of myself I had let collect dust and believed was put to bed for good, I say welcome home.

You belong here.

Sitting in Alumni Hall, taking notes from brilliant local and national minds, swapping thoughts and texts with fellow writers and students, clicking laptop keys and hastily scratching pens…Residency was everything I could have wanted and then some.

We don’t often consider the true value of an academic journey when we are inside it as a young person. We are too busy striving to succeed and get to whatever we believe that-next-something needs to be.
I am reminding myself to stay in the moment I am in.
Soaking it all in.
One word and one sentence at a time.

Highlights / Notations to remember

1. The chocolate tin was a great idea. (stay stocked up for motivation through the late afternoon lectures.)

2. Keep documenting the little funny things in your path. (The poetic epitaphs carved into desks, the random condom in the back of a lecture hall, and the way your fitness watch alerted you to breathe deeply when you got nervous before pitching to a director)

3. On the ‘day off,’ block off a full morning, afternoon, or evening to rest. (a two-hour nap is not enough recharge time.)

4. Plan to skip something small on day seven. Don’t feel guilty; your nervous system needs a reset by this time.

5. Pre-schedule / book a hot yoga session for your first day back to normal living. (You’ll feel good just knowing it’s coming)

6. Keep up those morning walks, no matter how early you have to wake up for them. (Truly, they kept you sane!)

7. Stay aware and open to the students around you. (reach out to the person overwhelmed in the corner, listen to the project concept of the other writers, ask how others are doing, share insight and ideas where helpful and stay open to what you may not understand.)

8. And document the normal things. (Capture that rainbow on the first evening, the way the rain splattered at your feet, the debrief voice memos with your friends, the lectures, the way your desk looked, and the way the sun lit up the campus.)

9. Do as much as you can. Enjoy the whole process. You’ll only be doing this MFA once.

10. Enjoy every single damn second.

The Old Moon in Her Arms by Lorri Neilsen Glenn | Kings Co-op Bookstore

During Residency, Lorri Neilsen Glenn read from this book a moment that felt like a personal connection. Her unique way of weaving words, a trait only the best writers possess, left me enraptured and filled with anticipation for the two years ahead. After attending one of her classes, it became even more apparent that she continues to masterfully weave in her words and her craft of creation and life.

These are the women who catch my breath every time. I find their appearance and approach magical, mystical, and otherworldly.
I am honoured that she signed it, and I am so excited to read it officially over the summer.

Stoic Reminders Cards | Intelligent Change

I love quotes and reminders in life, and these packs of historically evergreen quotes alight my desk from week to week, helping me to stay mindful, present and awake in all of life's ups and downs.

Black Backpack | Lo & Sons

A friend asked me if I would get a backpack for my new journey as a master's student, and I laughed at first. Yet, realistically, it was the smartest choice. Over the last decade, I have made do in all my work adventures with three or more bags. I need a bag for my laptop, a bag for my notebooks and books, a bag for my gear, and a purse. Also, a lunch bag if needed. All of these bags have led to a very heavily laden me. Considering this year's life changes and adventures, I felt that purchasing a backpack that could be both work and air-travel-efficient is a great ‘all in one.’ Having it during residency proved to be exactly what I needed. I am so happy with it. It is worth all the shipping and currency costs.

Lindtt Chocolate Bars | Lindtt

During my first residency, I found motivation and energy by having a square of chocolate per session on any given day, which could be four to six sessions of taking in material, feedback, etc. I toted my tin around with broken pieces of this chocolate and shared it with my new residency friends when they, too, needed a ‘pick me up’.
Carrying these squares with me as I proceed to work on my book.

A La Sala by Khruangbin Vinyl | Taz Records

After having May Ninth sent to me by my best friend in amusement over its title being my birthday day and the lyrics having my favourite weather embedded in them, it felt fitting that this record arrived for my birthday after my partner heard the lyrics and agreed with her that it felt very much like a song made just for me.

The Umbrellas of Cherbourg Vinyl | Second Hand

Not in make anymore, we could find a copy second hand over the various vinyl stores on the internet, and this addition makes rainy spring days feel even more magical. The Umbrellas of Cherbourg is one of my favourite musicals of all time. Its bittersweet story speaks of more than sure sugar-sweet. It’s real, it's raw, and it’s ever so rainy. My favourite thing.

University of Kings College Hoodie | Kings Co-op Bookstore

Making sure my first semester of a master’s degree has a hoodie to do during late-night edits and early-morning writing sessions.

In the late spring of 2023,

I began to stumble upon the growing desire to dig deeper into my craft of documenting and writing. As with anything, there is a point where you realize you can continue as you have been or dig in deeper and search for a type of growth that will genuinely grow and challenge you.

With the encouragement of a handful of close and trusted colleagues, friends and family, I began asking what it might take for someone like me to seek a place in a master's program. I expected the doors to be firmly closed and locked in place. Yet, it was in this process that I discovered something else.

I discovered that the more I asked questions, the more doors opened. The more I tip-toed near the edge of possibility, the more the call from the unknown beckoned me to jump.

So jump I did. I spent the summer and early autumn preparing and finishing my application for this master's program. It was a labour of love over the project I am going forward with and, most importantly, a labour of love for myself.

I am worthy of a higher education, worthy of taking myself seriously, and most certainly deserving within my craft.