Finding myself in the role of docu journalism was not something I would have articulated a handful of years ago for myself.

And yet,

not surprising.

As a sign language interpreter, I was trained to know a little about a lot. Always factor in prep work for an assignment and always arrive early and prepared. This aspect of my training put me in the headspace to be curious and open. Always looking for what I may not be understanding fully and ready to hear what is being said. Not just through the overt but also the subliminal.

Shifting into writing, I found myself writing interviews, first on my own blog, then for a multi-media platform I co-founded, then onto our platforms short film and then for a local film and television associations newsletter. I interviewed professionals in the media industry, artists, academics, industry leaders, business owners, friends and sometimes family.

All of this was a training ground.

I have been privileged so far to have found mentors and colleagues who have not only given me opportunities to grow but also encouraged me into the skills and capabilities that have always been there.

Reflecting on the women I have looked up to and revered over the years, I am amused at the apparent nature and theme.

Lisa Ling, Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou, Brene Brown, Sarah Polley, Elizabeth Gilbert and Shonda Rhimes.

Writers.
Storytellers.
Researchers.
Journalists.

The common theme I come back to again and again, and the lesson each of these pillars of their industries has taught me,

is the value of holding space for the fullness of themselves, which allows them to cultivate and hold space for the fullness of others.

And this is a value I work to hold for myself.

That I honour and push for the fullness within me so that I can deeply see and meet the fullness and wholeness of another.

feed·back| ˈfēdˌbak | noun 1 information about reactions to a product, a person's performance of a task, etc. which is used as a basis for improvement: throughout this process we have obtained valuable feedback | customer feedback suggested that the design flaws were severe.

Feedback

is a term toted as a necessary and valuable component to creating and developing high-quality work for those in professional and creative industries. This tool is practiced in the education system and is often brought into the assignment process. Learning how to give and receive feedback is of high value to the work and the individual who grows through the work they produce.

There is also a dark side to this.

Something I believe that many of us would prefer not to look at. To look at it means that we might have to re-evaluate the foundations of our own emerging professional selves and those around us.

Let's break it down:

When we enforce the concept of giving and receiving feedback as necessary in all components, we assume that you must share your own opinion/perspective with every opportunity, despite the value of what you are adding to the work or the conversation. We are also assuming that voicing your view is needed and always helpful to the 'work.'

Here is something groundbreaking:

Not every perspective, thought, feeling, and idea that you may have is what a person or project needs to grow and create better work.

In fact, the one thing that a person believes is essential might be the one thing that tanks a project.

Things Said in Toxic Feedback Process / Structure

To be here and do this, you need to grow thick/thicker skin

The belief that a person needs to have a tough exterior to craft high-quality work breeds an atmosphere of individuals who are not in touch with themselves or their emotions. Asking your students/employees/co-workers to have thicker skin is antiquated and a form of emotional harassment. No amount of squashing down one's feelings will produce better work in the long run. The focus should be on cultivating an awareness of one's strengths and weaknesses to harness the best possible outcome. Tenderness and emotional awareness is a strength and an asset to any work/project.

I'm going to give you a shit sandwich. (a.k.a. Two goods, one bad about your work.)

This one was introduced to me in my interpreting days. Just the phrase alone speaks of an easily manipulated intention. It immediately projects that 'something you did is shit.' It introduces a shame element before the feedback has been delivered. Although this phrase can be used as a quirky, light-hearted way to joke about how one would like to hear their feedback, honouring this phrase assumes that anyone has two valuable positive things to say and one useful negative thing to say. Great feedback is about insight, discernment and questions. If you have just one question and nothing else, that should be enough.

In any given circumstance, less is always more.

Look to the left and to the right. The people beside you won't be there once this is over.

Although not related to feedback, this phrase is often used in educational settings (engineering, interpreting, med students, etc.) to project fear, seriousness, and the privilege of sitting in the seat. This statement is the foundation for the competition, harassment etc., that can arise in toxic feedback. When we introduce this atmosphere to our learning settings, we immediately tell those sitting that they are worthless. Those individuals will project that to their peers in both intentional and unintentional ways.

We are going to tear you down, and you will be a completely new person after this.

Another foundational statement in the early days of professional education that many professions espouse in first/second-year students. It suggests that no one is worthy and that the only way to be respected is to be initiated in this impossible next (insert number of years ). Only if you survive the following number of years will you be considered one of the privileged and enlightened few. It's no wonder that workplace harassment and bullying exist when these are the foundational phrases subconsciously developed. I have had calls from people who have dropped out of their educational journey for various reasons, and the one thing they struggle to shake is that feeling of inferiority. But the truth is, staying in an atmosphere where you are encouraged to loose yourself and compete to be seen can be more damaging than finishing the journey.

In every feedback moment, you need to make sure to give one negative and one positive statement.

Similar to the shit sandwich approach, assuming that practicing this with every interaction breeds the idea that one must have something to say at any given moment. This means that people believe they must share their thoughts and opinions despite how thought out they may or may not be. How does this create excellent work?

What's the damage here?

We miss the mark. We are human. The idea that feedback is flawless in any setting is foolish. We all will bring our own toxic beliefs to the table and, unfortunately, put our foot in it, hurt someone unintentionally, abuse power through language and make ourselves feel better by telling ourselves that they 'really needed to hear that.

BUT,

the real and actual damage is if we continue this narrative intentionally.

Genuine feedback can be the most impactful and life-altering element of collaboration.

When we focus on honouring each other while making the work better, we take our egos out of our back pockets to safely keep them and set them aside to understand that the bigger picture is something we should make space for.

Brene Brown's words echo in my mind as I attempt to sum this up

"You're ready to give feedback when you're ready to sit next to the person, not across from them. You're ready to put the problem, not between you, but in front of both of you."

"Feedback should be as vulnerable for the person giving it as the person receiving it," Brown said. "You should have no idea what's gonna go down in that room."

For further reading on healthy feedback, Brene Brown provides this guide that truly hits a mark that so many of us have not been taught or encouraged in.

The engaged feedback checklist

Even when life is busy, I ALWAYS carry a book with me for those little moments in-between to squeeze in some pages.

12 Rules for Life | Jordan B. Peterson

When I posted this pic on my insta-feed this book got a few negative reviews. I will say I knew there was a contraversary with the author and I believe this is what peaked my interest to read it. It was already on my “TBR” list and wanting to understand more about the controversy and what this author puts out there in the world via book & in spoken world was my motivation for picking it up.

All that to say, I got two chapters in, and being the minimalist that I am, I realized that I didn’t want to commit to 40 plus pages of ‘academic’ lectures on why standing with your shoulders back and head held high was a good idea. I did not finish the book. As Emily Gilmore says while tossing something, : “no joy.”

Voyager | Diana Gabaldon

Only a handful of chapters left on this fourth installement in the Outlander Series and I am dreading it coming to an end. I enjoy every single word in this series.

I have chosen to read in pace with the Starz Outlander Television Series which means I will not start reading book #5 until Season 5 is about to be released. I am doing this for the personal luxury of drawing out something I am LOVING, but also for the professional study of seeing how an in-depth book series is being turned into a television series. They are very different mediums and I am finding it a helpful way for me to grow in my story -arc thinking skills of how to craft a Sega for various mediums.

This book has us in two worlds, two time lines and many different characters to enjoy.

The Book of Essie | Meghan MacLean Weir

This read proved to be such a delight and intrigue.  It poses questions like, what happens to reality television stars who are born into it? How does one break out of a controlled environment? How does one break out of a carefully curated life and embrace space from ‘media’ and the constant need to ‘keep up appearences?’ These questions seem to only relate to the specific circumstance of the main character, but the author does an amazing job in showing us how they can also relate to us and the ‘everyday’ person.

Dare to Lead | Brené Brown

Dare to Lead is my spring Professional Development read and I am loving how Brené Brown brings her works into a professional arena.  She takes vulnerability, communication and courage to embrace leadership to a new level. I am spreading this read out over the next month or so to take my time and properly ‘rumble’ with it in it’s entirety.

Television Series of Note

Outlander S04 - The beautiful scenes in this series keep me coming back for more!

I do my best every season to pick a book to read that will inspire and develop me both personally and professionally.

Dare to Lead being Brené Browns latest book was fitting as I adore her work, words and insight on what it means to live a full and meaningful life.

What Struck Me about Dare to Lead

This book takes her work on vulnerability, courage and fear and brings it into the professional arena. As I step into co-leading Brilliansea with Claire Fraser, I want to be able to ‘rumble’ (a word Brené uses to identify the process of processing through tough conversations / topics) with the work, my colleague and stay open and honest in the process.

What I learned

Vulnerability is not just for my personal life.

Taking time to identify your weaknesses as well as your strengths will allow room and space for you to recognize when perhaps, your own work methods or ways of being are conflicting with the matter at hand. To address that, may mean facing that you are not skilled in one aspect of your work and you may need to set up boundaries for yourself and others to partner with you in that weakness to create a better work flow and life.

Recognize one’s nature and profession.

I have also found that it has given me more compassions and insight for why my partner in life, often sees problems before he sees solutions. His nature, work and training has taught him to find every problem before ever seeing something successful. Where as my line of training and work has taught me that there are multiple ways to perceive something (none of which are wrong) and also, hundreds of ways to reach the final destination.

*I am still in the process of reading this book but I am taking it slowly and ‘rumbling’ with it.

I Found You | Lisa Jewel

This novel, although it didn’t wow me, was an enjoyable rapid read. This would be the perfect book for a summer read, be it at the beach, on a road trip or just on one of those summer rainy days. It’s story arc keeps you flipping the pages guessing and it does twist and turn in a way that isn’t fully predictable.

The Gifts of Imperfection | Brené Brown

This book and it’s content has been one that our little family has found some solace in over the past few seasons. Brené has a way with words that marry’s logic with the emotions. Her words pack a good punch in truth and empowerment.

A Woman of No Importance | Oscar Wilde

Not the first time I borrowed this collection of plays from the library but this time for this particular play which speaks to the lack of respect for and about women & their own unique autonomy.  Oscar Wilde always brings to light deep matters in a light hearted way.  Tongue in cheek style. .

Televisions Series Currently on the Go of Note:

Grace & Frankie S04 - plodding along & enjoying the quippy humour that brings out the realities of ageism & being an older woman.

Bull S03 - I believe this show is vastly underrated. It’s ability to deal with a case and a story line in one episode while also creating characters you want to come back to every week is a very unique & beautiful thing.

Gillian has been a powerful presence in my life.  Her integrity, her joy, her desire to go deep and her insatiable eye for beauty in nature and in fashion has a way of captivating anyone who knows her.  

How would you describe yourself?

I would describe myself as a designer, a grower, a writer, a beauty seeker, and an adventurer.

What role does creativity play in your life? 

Creativity gives me freedom and joy. It’s what brings me life. It gives a voice, a visual and a vessel to the things I feel led to communicate and share with others.  I like to capture and create beauty and share it with others so that they might be inspired and reflexively be given the permission to pursue what is in their own hearts.

What are you currently working on?

I have come to realize I have a trio of creative outlets that are all supporting of one another to uphold my creative fulfillment.  Fashion is a way for my creativity to express itself visually and sculpturally. I am currently working on a collection of women’s outerwear –coats specifically. Some are sculptural, others have clean lines. It’s been a lot of fun but a huge challenge as it’s the first time I am hoping to have the collection made into multiples to sell in the future.  Fashion can be a very intimate art form as you are making something for someone to literally put on themselves to embody the art you have created.  I want women to feel confident and inspired when they wear my designs.

I grow vegetable gardens, all through the year in the cold climate of Nova Scotia.  Gardening has been my solace in times of creative blockage and self-doubt.  Gardening gives me a peace that I do not get from my other work.  In some ways it is a spiritual practice that teaches me to be joyful and thankful for the abundance in my life, and what I was able to co create with the earth!  Last year I was harvesting cold tolerant lettuce varieties all winter long. These were grown underneath mini hoop tunnels that we built over my garden beds. 

And finally in the last 3 years I have gotten into writing a lot. I write poetry, and I am looking to find an outlet to share it with others very soon.  Writing is a way that I can communicate my ideas and feelings very directly and uninterrupted. It gives a voice to my creativity, and it also keeps mesane.  With some of my other creative outlets that involve a much longer process to completion, there is not an immediate relief and encouragement that comes from the output of creative energy. For me, when it comes to writing, there is this immediate relief and satisfaction. I’ve come to realize I need this trio in order to feel positive and like there is a healthy flow and balance to my creative expression. 

What was the last book/movie/podcast ect that left an impression on you?

The gifts of imperfections by Brene brown was the last book that left an impression on me.  She researches shame and vulnerability, and how overcoming shame and living a life where we allow ourselves to live fully present and be vulnerable in relationships with others is what guides us toward living a more wholehearted life.  What resonated with me most was how cultivating a sense of gratitude for the good things in our lives really positively shapes both our self-image and our relationships with others.  Brene brown really outlined to me areas I could improve in to live a more healthy and positive creative life that is well balanced. She talks about cultivating authenticity, self-compassion, resilience, gratitude, faith, creativity, play, rest, meaningful work, and laughter. She talks about how cultivating these key positive traits and practices in our lives, help us to live in a way that engages with others from a place of worthiness.  

What advice would you give to other creatively driven people? 

Advice I would give to other creatively driven people would be that I’d like to tell them not to compare themselves, and their accomplishments to others but I know they still will, because in today’s world it’s difficult not to. However, it is just not a fair thing to put yourself through. It’s so easy to stack everybody else’s accomplishments and lives so high and measure yourself as falling so far behind. It is not an accurate representation of the truth. Everybody feels the same way at some point in terms of not feeling good about where they are at. Everybody has different opportunity’s and advantages or disadvantages that make it easier or harder to end up where they are, so it’s never fair to measure your life next to someone else’s when all the variables are completely different. Instead try to remind yourself of the progress you have made, even if your progress is slow, because sometimes slow is the only manageable pace for the season you are in. seasons of progress and productivity come and go. The kinder and more gracious you are with yourself, the more confident you will be in what you have to offer the world creatively. I have found that seasons of productivity will come a lot easier when you are loving and respecting your inner artist in all its goodness as well as shortcomings. Another piece of advice would be If you feel stuck in some way, sometimes finding another creative outlet can support and jumpstart the area you felt stuck in.