IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Text : How They Train You Out of Yourself - I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It…

If you want to keep your averages up, you’ll have to take a lower-level class.
Genuine interest and passion cannot compete with test scores.

Look right, look left, one of you will be gone by the end of the year.
Fear-based training.

Our job is to tear you down to build you into something different.
Forced to leave yourself behind.

You need to grow thicker skin.
Emotion has no place in this world.

You haven’t lived long enough yet.
An introduction to ageism and how it decides your understanding of trauma.

“No one listens to skinny pretty women.”
Appearance decides relevancy.

How They Train You Out of Yourself is a small selection of moments from my educational journey. Looking back, I am mortified at what I accepted as normal, part of the process, and often direct minimization of my intelligence as a young woman.
At the outset, we train children to only lean into and use their natural skill set rather than support them as they explore the various interests they may hold, no matter their skill or lack thereof. From that place, we are sent out to be trained, often grasping at straws at our possible value.
The underlying motivator in most professional practice training is fear, and we allow that to drive the narrative in lectures, testing, mentorship and in-field training.
Supporting this narrative creates a breeding ground for bullying in the forms of 'power imbalance’, gender-based discrimination, and racism, to name a few.

My healing back to myself has not come from the training I have received but from the constant and persistent demand from myself that I prohibit anyone and anything from discrediting my value as a whole person, body, mind and soul. Any words or actions said or done in any way to devalue my humanity are unacceptable to me now.

From that place of healing and respect for my humanity, I have found the mentors, teachers, and colleagues that teach, collaborate, and work with me in solidarity and raise me into my highest, most capable self.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.

8.

Pulled into a bear hug.

Things strange men did.

14.

A family conversation on my shirt.

Because I had breasts now.

19.

Sitting inside a bank watching the men talk.

About money that is mine.

22.

“Let’s keep this between us.”

Secrets he convinced me to keep.

23.

“She’s loose.”

Because I responded to being seen.

25.

Heart beating with keys in hand.

Stalked in my favourite bookstore.

26.

“So you’ll be at home now.”

Assumptions made on my motherhood.

27.

“I don’t listen to pretty skinny women.”

He thought he’d make me a teaching tool.

32.

Scolded for sharing my strengths.

They taught me pride is a sin.

*and to be clear.

That is not even the half of it.

How the Patriarchy Found Its Way Inside of Me flew out of me in the Spring of 2022. I was feeling the weight of the feminine experience. Moments I heard about. Moments I lived. We often are not aware of the importance of our experiences until we lay them out on the table to be examined more closely.

In this piece, I lay out the age I was during these moments and what occurred. I was jarred to see how the ages often had multiple experiences. Here I chose to limit them to the ones that caused the strongest ripple effect through my life and how they altered my thinking.

I Never Promised I Would Stay Quiet About It… is a series of revelations, observations and citations on the topics and concepts that are often considered taboo.

Over the summer I have been breaking a pilot episode of a new series.

The process has been equally grueling and surprising.

What started out as a simple limited series single character scope has turned into a dark and twisty tale with hooks and cliffhangers I never saw coming.

Personally, I’d like to blame my best friend.
She dangled an observation in front of me one night that had me reeling.

In fact, it had me reeling so much that the story took a 180-degree turn and has me going in a totally different direction with it.

What happens when everything you thought wasn’t what you thought at all?

A story for the ages and a story that may in fact rock my perspective for years to come.

For these write nights this coming season, I will be lighting a ‘candle’, pouring red, and letting a playlist move me into this tale.
Sometimes I may need to work from the couch, other nights I may need the privacy of my own writing room, either way…

it’s a delicious and equally nerve-wracking journey into a tale I was not expecting on weaving.

Even when life is busy, I ALWAYS carry a book with me for those little moments in-between to squeeze in some pages.

12 Rules for Life | Jordan B. Peterson

When I posted this pic on my insta-feed this book got a few negative reviews. I will say I knew there was a contraversary with the author and I believe this is what peaked my interest to read it. It was already on my “TBR” list and wanting to understand more about the controversy and what this author puts out there in the world via book & in spoken world was my motivation for picking it up.

All that to say, I got two chapters in, and being the minimalist that I am, I realized that I didn’t want to commit to 40 plus pages of ‘academic’ lectures on why standing with your shoulders back and head held high was a good idea. I did not finish the book. As Emily Gilmore says while tossing something, : “no joy.”

Voyager | Diana Gabaldon

Only a handful of chapters left on this fourth installement in the Outlander Series and I am dreading it coming to an end. I enjoy every single word in this series.

I have chosen to read in pace with the Starz Outlander Television Series which means I will not start reading book #5 until Season 5 is about to be released. I am doing this for the personal luxury of drawing out something I am LOVING, but also for the professional study of seeing how an in-depth book series is being turned into a television series. They are very different mediums and I am finding it a helpful way for me to grow in my story -arc thinking skills of how to craft a Sega for various mediums.

This book has us in two worlds, two time lines and many different characters to enjoy.

The Book of Essie | Meghan MacLean Weir

This read proved to be such a delight and intrigue.  It poses questions like, what happens to reality television stars who are born into it? How does one break out of a controlled environment? How does one break out of a carefully curated life and embrace space from ‘media’ and the constant need to ‘keep up appearences?’ These questions seem to only relate to the specific circumstance of the main character, but the author does an amazing job in showing us how they can also relate to us and the ‘everyday’ person.

Dare to Lead | Brené Brown

Dare to Lead is my spring Professional Development read and I am loving how Brené Brown brings her works into a professional arena.  She takes vulnerability, communication and courage to embrace leadership to a new level. I am spreading this read out over the next month or so to take my time and properly ‘rumble’ with it in it’s entirety.

Television Series of Note

Outlander S04 - The beautiful scenes in this series keep me coming back for more!