Have you ever considered that the best of you has yet to be discovered?

We like to think that we can dress ourselves up with our experiences, education and accolades.

That who we are is the sum of our success and ability to dust ourselves off after a string of errors and mischief.

That we possibly can just forge ahead and put the mess of our past behind us.

No burial service, no atonement, no rectification.

Just walking away from the mess and letting the scabs form where they are as we stagger on.

If this is you dear one, then I must urge you… sit down. You are leaving bodies in your wake, and the next one might be yours.

Here’s the thing,

We humans have so much to learn from the digging into our failures, our past and our wounds.

We will repeat what we don’t heal and we will find a new way to ripple affect the damage we haven’t dealt with.

Success is not how many times you are able to walk away from failure and press on.

Success is found within the healing process. How deep you go to find the cause of the wounds of your past and how you carve out time and space for new and more healing ways to continue on.

We like to act like we are above brokenness. That our ability to damage ourselves and others along the way by our own inability to see the next bump in the road is just a simple accident, but the truth is,

without your own self reflection, healing and ability to see that you are just as faulty as the next broken and lonely soul…

you will always pass judgement and assume to know the depths of another person’s pain.

You will continue to walk away from the messes you make, shrug your shoulders and suggest that there is nothing more you can do.

But there is.

Always.

More healing to be found in the cracks of you.

And maybe,

just maybe,

working on healing your own broken pieces will create the safe place for new healing somewhere else instead of the shards you leave in your wake that people will walk on.

There was a time when a nightly review routine was avidly at play in my life.

While being a student, an interpreter, a teacher. There is an element of preparedness that goes beyond getting to bed on time.

Pack the lunch, review the weather, pick the outfit, review the schedule etc.
Somewhere along the lines, I stopped doing it.

Maybe because I equated it with teaching or being a student?
Maybe because when you create from your own home office, you are used to staying accountable in the moment and reviewing tomorrow's task doesn't seem necessary.

Recently, I have begun doing it again, although this time with a different goal in mind.

Reviewing the day I have had and lightly reviewing the one to come.

Look over the tasks accomplished (both personal and professional) through journaling, document thoughts, record what is being tracked (habits, etc.), review the next day and its already scheduled meetings, appointments, tasks etc., check the weather.

This simple nighttime task, although not always done, changes the day ahead.
It seems like a small thing to do, but it shifts the energy and creates space for what is to come in my own mind.

A clearing of the clutter, a vacuum of the dust bunnies, a spray of lavender to lay down, close one's eyes and truly relax until they open again, and it's time to take on a new day in that new headspace of mine.

Bedford basin.

and here we are in summer…

How did this happen I wonder? It’s as if I fell asleep as the spring rain begun, awoke with the trees in full bloom and our loft filled with humid air once again.

I enjoy preparing for the turn of the seasons, but I confess, this season there has been less preparation and more of a treading water while I wrap up the ever running list of action items. They haven’t all been attended to in time, but a feeling of satisfaction for what has been dealt with lingers with me today.

I am approaching the summer with a bit more intrigue.

Personally

we are over half way done a kitchen renovation. Getting close to putting the counters in gives me hope and interest on what is to come once we have it finished (meaning a functioning kitchen, I’m no sucker, I realize this won’t end anytime soon) and how we will celebrate the hard work we have slogged through doing it mostly (90%) ourselves.

Professionally

finishing up a short documentary with Claire Fraser (adding the last segments along with colour grading and music) while also taking on a new roll as a ‘Women in Film and Television Atlantic’ board member. It all leaves me very curious and intrigued over the next few months.

I am welcoming curiosity into this next season of my life and I wonder where summer will take us?

This winter has in many ways gone by so fast.

Looking back, I realize much has happened in these weeks since the Holiday season.

This winter I have finished writing contracts, launched a collaborative platform Brilliansea with Claire Fraser & have begun arranging my necessary work tasks in a way that leaves room for more play and more time for cultivating and curating the work I do.

This winter I have learned that my work will sometimes be seasonal. Busy some months , where other months a bit more wide open.

I have learned that spending more time staring and browsing through social media is not the answer for me.

I have also learned that I thrive with variety and in doing so, need to level up on my administrative tasks so that I am not bouncing around from thing to thing with no direction and yet a lot on my mind. (a.k.a. mental load)

Leaving Winter, I leave satisfied and more than a bit proud at the shifts and changes I have found along with what I have accomplished. There is so much to be thankful for and so much more to explore.