Welcoming a new desk to my office right as a new challenge / invitation was presenting itself was pleasant timing. A late birthday gift after years of straining my back over a desk that wasn't made for hours and hours of writing and work.

September feels like a new year for the work life and with that comes new intentions, determination and focus.

What I am carrying with me this ‘new work year’:

• Walk through open doors.

• Celebrate what has been accomplished already.

• Attend and stay open to possible ‘work’ events.

• Embrace the new direction.

• Enjoy your own creative mind.

Wrapping up a year, it’s easy to get caught up in the next thing.

I’ll be the first to say I love planning and jumping into the new

but,

before the jump,

let’s pause and take a moment to celebrate the wins of 2021.

Completing the ‘Owning It’ series alongside Natalie Dobbin and Claire Fraser was a high. Both Claire and I worked hard under our Brilliansea umbrella to create space for showcasing the skills of various women. in Owning It, we were able to share that with a broadcaster. I am so proud of our work under Brilliansea and the Owning It series.

The radio doc ‘Speak to Me!’ for CBC radio produced by Natalie Dobbin was indeed a piece of my heart in audio format. It was a learning experience to understand how to take an idea and format it for radio, but it was a fulfilling experience that left me inspired and ready to produce and create more.

The radio series ‘What We Carry with Us’ with Natalie Dobbin and Megan Piercey Monafu. A labour of love and a way to showcase a varying take on documenting the memories and people we love.

Along with these projects I have:

Finished production on a podcast for WIFT-AT.

Finished a pilot episode first draft on a drama.

Started a children’s book with a good friend and illustrator.

In collaboration with another actor and writer on a television series.

The wins are so important to remember.

It allows us to recognize that growth has occurred, and

the reminder that it will happen again.

You are never done growing.

Over the past year, I have been able to link up with various artists and artisans to create work and the one thing it has reminded me of again and again.

I love collaboration.

That spark and joy occur between people when ideas come together and boost themselves into something bigger, fuller, broader.

Collaboration isn’t always easy.

It can be confusing, sticky, challenging and a bit like therapy.

Always trying to communicate in some creative and haphazard way that may only work between you as that team coming together to make that specific thing.

Currently, I am working on developing a project with a dear friend, and it has us all over the place with love for each other, the project and the heart behind it.

And that is genuinely what collaboration is all about.

Realizing the heart behind the work.

Use your intellectual mind and skills to bring them forth with a common heart and goal.

It’s where all people involved can shine. Bringing their beautiful souls to the surface of the work and letting them work speak for itself.

Although all of these projects are long-term and not at all ready to be shared, we can know that despite the collaboration process being hard work and extended, it can be some of the most rewarding and beautiful things.

Examples of Beautiful Collaborations:

Sunrise Trilogy: Ethan Hawke, Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy
The Last Mrs, Parrish : Liv Constantine aka : sisters Lynne Constantine and Valerie Constantine.
Little Fires Everywhere (Limited TV Series): Kerry Washington , Reese Witherspoon, Celeste Ng
We are the World | Lionel Richie & Michael Jackson & various performers others (MJ’s work and reputation have clearly been tarnished by much of what the public now knows. For me, it does not tarnish this song and the deeper meaning and cause it was created for.)

Earlier this year I had a scene flash before my eyes.

It’s a famous scene. From a film called “Field of Dreams”.
In all honesty, it’s not a favourite film of mine.
For a myriad reasons and mostly because baseball and I have a heart breaking personal history.

But it’s this “Build it and they will come” concept.
The idea that to see a dream fulfilled, you need to build the space for it to be before it can live.

When this scene flashed in my minds eye, I was facing many decisions that I had the ability to make, but also felt overwhelmed at the making of them.

I felt selfish.
Who am I?
To act like I could have this?

So I pondered staying in that space, not having, not requesting, not working towards and not putting into motion.

And then that scene.

Of needing to make the investment before expecting the vision to occur.

This is where I am.

I have the vision and I am in a season of pulling triggers, setting the stage and expecting.

Expectation is an otherworldly sentiment that us adults find a way to work out of our systems.

We remind ourselves of the letdowns, the reality, the way things usually turn out, our personal limitations and we decide at some point, that expectations are not safe.

But they can be the ingredient we have been missing.

So,

I’m pulling triggers.

Investing in the visions and believing that the gift of a dream is the journey in creating it.

And you?

What triggers do you need pull?

Are their dreams that you have been sitting on and have been questioning wether you are worthy enough?

Because if you are, you are already exactly who you need to be to start putting your dreams in motion.

Light is different in the spring.

It washes over us like an antiseptic.

Clean.

Simple.

Warm.

I have been working on projects and reflecting along the way during the winter months.

this Spring there is a a tangible force I can’t deny.

It comes in the concept something like this:

Give the light space to breathe.

We are so busy trying to package up our thoughts, arguments, perspectives, projects and insights that we so often miss that beautiful moment that happens when we have allowed space.

What if, in our conversations, our work, our existing in the hard and the easy that we allow it all to be washed in sunlight?
We step back and breathe and see what happens in the silence of it all?

Whimsy? Abstract? A bit “What-the-heck-does-that-even-mean?”

Yes.
And,
It means something like,

Shedding our critique, holding our rebutle, caring for the why behind a project more than the “show” of it, standing still when questions are formed…

It means that we might see things and feel things differently in the light of it all, rather than only see it shaped in the corners of our minds.

If this was easy, there would be no writing about it.

Yet,

As I work and play this Spring I will be working to make space for the light to breathe.

Entering 2021, there was a strong rising up in me to embrace the growth and shifts that had occurred in 2020, not with a rebellion, but with a spirit of quiet confidence.

Much has shifted in the personal and professional aspects of life this year that it seems the only way to continue is to merely that: continue.

Sometimes one needs a shakeup, and other times, one needs to allow the growth from before to allow the next wave of change and progression to continue.

Flow

noun 1 [in singular] the action or fact of moving along in a steady, continuous stream: the flow of water into the pond.

I have recently come into an awareness of how to harness my daily rhythms to allow me to work more openly and efficiently. Starting work at six o'clock am, getting the bulk of my tasks down first thing to free up my mind for any lingering or surprising tasks/events has allowed me the creative space to be innovative in my work.

It's easy to get caught up with the busywork. Scrolling on social media, answering emails and falling down rabbit holes when researching.

Embracing the idea that I can plan my days to flow in a natural way instead of trying to cram every second with a to-do list and inevitably numbing my mind with scrolling as breaks that were inefficient methods of pretending productivity was a game-changer.

The questions I keep coming back to:

How can I harness this new awareness?

How can I not lose what I have learned?

How can I go into a new year and not forget?

And there it came.

The concept of flow.

That you can go from one thing to another with a steady and continuous movement. That it doesn't need to crash or bang, or even shout. That it can be as simple and beautiful as the quiet confidence of moving from one year to the next.

Throughout this new year, I hope to continue the work I have begun. To push projects into production and to the writers' rooms, be them physical or virtual.

I will remember the rest that is required when working hard to create and collaborate. I will set up boundaries to keep myself from getting distracted with the mindless busywork that seeks to distract me, like fast food.

I will remember that to create is to also allow the concept of flow to produce a rhythm that is as sustainable as it is in motion.

Autumn came with a beautiful gust of change.

Beginning with the release of Brilliansea’s short film ‘Her Business Your Story Our Calling’, moving through with the a completed outline of a one-woman show and it’s final rewrites to create it’s full first draft, a word goal completion for a personal project, continuing to curate and interview women for the spotlight series and getting immersed into what it means to be on the Board of Women in Film and Television.

This season has been full, enrapturing and exciting.

What I have learned

Enjoy the Process

With hard work put in both personally and professionally, I felt the instinct to let go of the expectations of others, myself and even the outside world. To simply enjoy the work before me. Board meetings, writing sessions, rewriting sessions, they all are apart of the process and have allowed me to sink deep into where the projects and work are asking for me to go.

Be Okay Going it Alone

I have realized that although I value and desire to lift others and bring them to where they need to be, I also am worthy of that cause myself. My work has weight and merit too. I can’t remain demure, simply because I enjoy the collaborative process. I can be both a team player and an advocate for my own independent projects.

As Autumn has been fading the past few weeks

I sense an exciting ripple effect beginning as I plan to release new projects, concepts and work into the air in 2020. I hope that as I continue to cultivate, curate and breathe life into existing and new projects, that I continue to honor the integrity and core of them as each new stage reveals itself.

We like to think that something that was made has been crafted out of genius, ease and good ol’ fashioned hard work. Often times, we view our favourite works of art, be them paintings, films, plays, broadway musicals, songs etc as something mystic, gifted and heaven sent. We view their existence in our space as something we have acquired because we are owed to have it and it should come easily into our presence. We view those who created these things as someone who works hard at their craft and sacrificed all their time and energy to make it. We also in the same token, view them as someone who chose creativity over hard work.

All of these things are true.

None of these things are true.

The truth is,

the flow of creativity comes both easy and hard. It can feel as if it’s all come out of you at once and it can also feel as if it is like trying to squeeze water out of a rock. Utterly possible and impossible at the same time.

In every creative project that I find myself in, I also find myself at war with everything else.
It’s almost laughable at how time and time again this happens.

Right now, it’s as simple as needing nine separate writing sessions to re-write a draft.
All I am wanting is nine days to do it. I could even make it work in five days if I had to.
Yet those five to nine days, of days without a child in my care, allude me and a few scant hours here and there are not the way to put forth your best work. (any true writer / creative knows, you simply can’t perform your best work the moment a countdown begins. You need, as all athletes need to do before they do anything, a warm up.)

So here I am, showing up at my desk early on a Monday morning and doing my best to fit at least one of the nine sessions in while my husband takes vacation hours to get the ‘little’ to and from pre school and hope upon hope that when he returns I will have succeeded, at least, with one of the nine sessions and that I don’t waste the precious time that we are sacrificing to honour the creative call.

Truth be told,

if I didn’t care, if I didn’t have any real desire to create good work, I wouldn’t be here. I would just say “to hell with it” and leave the ideas as ideas on the cutting room floor of my mind.

The real work is in battling the real life that tries to come against starting anything. Doing anything from noting.
The timing is never right.

So it’s do or don’t do.

And I guess I am too stubborn and intrigued to not do.

So I do.

Inhale. Exhale.

Early this year I began ‘unplugging’ on Saturdays & by that I mean: putting my phone on airplane mode & not working or being accessible via email, texts, phone etc.

I still will watch a favourite show or movie, or pop on my laptop to sift through Pinterest inspiration etc, but it means I am not attached to the world behind my screens. I take my phone with me out and about, but it only acts as a camera & place for me to quickly jot notes in. (as a writer, this is essential.)

I find the more I take on, the more ‘pause’ I need to properly rest and digest everything. It’s not a bad thing, it’s part of what one needs to keep in check the mental, emotional and physical load.

Making space.

Margin.

Pause.

On set with mama. 2019

Over the past year I have been on a journey on what it means ‘for me’ to be both my daughters primary care giver and to be active in my chosen career.

What I have found thus far:

I schedule around the time with my daughter.

Before a new work week begins, I sit down and see where the windows of time will be where she is on a visit to a grandparents, will be doing activities with her father or anyone else. Then I schedule in my work after that. (notwithstanding, previously arranged meetings, appointments or filming shoots.)

I honour the work and my daughter.

There are days I would rather just kick it around the house or goof off with a friend, but I realize if I don’t show up for both my daughter and my work I become resentful to whatever has distracted or is keeping me from either.

I grow at my own right pace.

As I grew into this motherhood thing, I realized that I valued my work and wanted to grow and mature professionally in a manner that was steady, healthy and challenging in all the right ways. My pace and someone else’s pace will be different and that’s okay.

What I wish others knew

I work really hard to be present.

I give you and my life 100% of me, which is naturally just a part of who I am as a person. It also means I can drain my reserves quickly if I am not managing myself properly and keeping margin in my daily life.

I love being there for both my daughter and my work.

There is nothing that makes me happier than having a day with a meaningful activity with my daughter and getting some work done amidst it all.

I need you to reach out to me too.

I take maintaining relationships seriously, and I have realized that although I am the driving force in many relationships, I need someone else to take the drivers seat off and on.

*A Note on ‘Being Busy’ & Celebrating the Exhaustion…

There is this unfortunate celebration of the woman who is balancing everything and continues to take on more and more. We like to enjoy saying ‘look at her, she does it all!’ We don’t take the time to look at how all of those things are affecting her personal and professional life in ways that are unseen. We just see the list of tasks and roles and celebrate , like it’s a ticket to success to be run into the ground with nothing but a few hours to sleep at night.

fyi: that’s not long lasting success. That’s a fast ticket to a burn out. I won’t be boarding that train ya’ll.

At Claire Frasers Studio where we collaborate on the Brilliansea Projects.

A creative entrepreneur’s reality is that they are often creating things from nothing that are not always easy to communicate to their audience or even, to themselves.

When starting anything here are 5 things to do.

Have an Anchor Point

In any concept an anchor point to the project is what you can keep coming back to & it becomes something that others who are your consumers understand to be uniquely you. Be it a symbol, a mascot, a specific action you do within your ‘making’, make sure it’s there and you know why you do it.

Use What You Have

It’s so easy to get caught up in trying to have the right set up, the right products etc. Comparison is the thief of joy. All good things come in time, so use what you have and make do. Podcasts, vlogs, film makers, artists of any medium learn to use what they have and build on that over time.

Stay Consistent

Consistency is key. You will never improve or gain traction if you are spotty in consistency. Maintain a consistency that works for you. Once a week or once a day is better than here and there.

Do it For You (& one other person)

Never do anything to impress others. Do the thing to bring satisfaction to yourself and to at least one other person. That one other person doesn’t need a name, it could just be the ‘you’ out there you wish it would have been available for.

Aim To Improve Each Time You Do It

Every time you produce or create or bring forth whatever it is you do, aim to improve it. Ever piece of work you make has a new perspective from something you learned along the way.

When starting anything these five things are not only essential but they are also life rafts when you are unsure of where to go next or how things are going. It’s not always clear where the ‘motivation’ comes from to start things and continue them and circling back around to these foundational things can help remind, refresh and bring revelation to your doing.

Spring was jam packed with personal endeavours.

Birthday parties, our first home renovation and many regular/additional ‘spring cleaning’ items on the list. I was able to give that heavy and long list of personal items a lot of my attention, while also leaving my creative self longing for more luxurious time at my desk.

This spring I have been learning the art of ‘curating time’.

I would say I had already learned this, since anyone who has a baby knows that the time between the ages of 0-3 years of age are years that one looses their hold on ‘having control of their own time’. That being said, I am on a new journey of what it means to take on more, handle bigger projects both personally and professionally and enter into them acknowledging the potential of overwhelm while also creating boundaries for my own mind and spirit to maintain and curate peace in all that I do.

I have learned

when tackling big projects I need to stick to the matter at hand, stop myself and even at times, my partners in crime from wondering too far ahead so as not to feel the weight of what has yet to be done.

I have learned that unplugging for 24 hours once a week is exactly what I need to monitor my anxiety as well as give my every fast paced mind a forced break.

I have learned that I do extremely well when my expectations for myself and from others are clear and I have prepared a bit in advance to meet them.

Overall, this Spring has been full personally, and professionally I have gained a lot of strategies to handle the projects and work that lies ahead.

What my work space looked like for almost 3.5 weeks & still has a lot of kitchen items chilling with me as I post this.

As work and projects have shifted,

it became very clear that I needed new business cards.

Here is what blew me away about looking at past cards I have had for byamygrace until now:

Every year I become more and more who I am supposed to be.
Every year is a refinement and these little cards are a testament to the journey.

Looking at this business card I feel truly connected to what I am presenting more so than ever before.
That is me and it clearly states what I am about.

It is hard in the moment of the slog of ones own work and creative pursuits to see the story that is being woven together with every action, every day, season and year… but when you pan back and see the progression over years, you begin to see that you have been growing, changing and becoming.

It has led me to the realization that every little thing is progress and there is room for just a bit more growth in every small and simple thing we do.

*“Baby steps and short breaths. Anything is progress. You sustain my every moment.” - Steffany Gretzinger

This winter has in many ways gone by so fast.

Looking back, I realize much has happened in these weeks since the Holiday season.

This winter I have finished writing contracts, launched a collaborative platform Brilliansea with Claire Fraser & have begun arranging my necessary work tasks in a way that leaves room for more play and more time for cultivating and curating the work I do.

This winter I have learned that my work will sometimes be seasonal. Busy some months , where other months a bit more wide open.

I have learned that spending more time staring and browsing through social media is not the answer for me.

I have also learned that I thrive with variety and in doing so, need to level up on my administrative tasks so that I am not bouncing around from thing to thing with no direction and yet a lot on my mind. (a.k.a. mental load)

Leaving Winter, I leave satisfied and more than a bit proud at the shifts and changes I have found along with what I have accomplished. There is so much to be thankful for and so much more to explore.

With working on my own projects, taking on freelance work, balancing the mama life and maintaining family and friend relationships I have been meditating on

‘Flow’

How do I respect the flow?

What is flow?

Flow is tossed around within the creative and millennial communities as a term we use to describe what it means to be in a good productive working physical and internal atmosphere.

Flow Professionally:

Means I do my best to accept and actively do work during my prime productive hours.

For me, this looks like mornings for technical work, and evenings for creative work.

I have noted over the years as a student, freelancer & human being that from 1:40pm - 5:00pm I am a zombie of energy. During those hours I tend to dip in energy (no matter what food or exercise routine I do) and am apathetic in motivation. This could be due to the way my energy is at an all time high from 7am - 1pm, or that I tend to stay up till close to midnight most nights for creative and inspirational purposes.

Either way, I have learned over the years, and especially at this stage in my life, that working to match that rhythm produces my best work.

Flow Personally

Means I create routine and boundaries for the things in which I value and know feed my soul.

For me, this looks like having bi-weekly routines of date nights, friend dates, farmers market visits etc, while also making sure the times I am least energetic is where I am at rest, read, journal, etc.

Knowing yourself is a huge part of optimizing your flow.

As an example, I know I am a social introvert. I am stimulated by intimate settings with others, but too much and I am drained. I also realize that I do need that time to retreat and reflect in order for me to continue giving out in a healthy and high quality manner.

& with that…

I am at my best when I respect and adjust my days to match the work flow that brings me to where I need to be.

Optimizing your personal and professional work flow and respecting those limits is a way in which to produce excellent work that continues to grow in concepts and depth while also protecting oneself and the work from burn out.

After a very hot summer in Nova Scotia (avg between 28-40 degrees C with humidity) on days on end, I am more than happy to be moving into Autumn cripsness. Although as I speak, the past two days have been 28 degrees C and only dipping down into the teens overnight. (note: this was written second last week of September…delayed due to Spotlight post & various personal events)

Here is a ‘coles notes’ work update:

Summer

Brought clarity and insight into my next steps both professional and personally. After a challenging Spring of raw interactions and professional setting circumstances, it’s empowering to know that with showing up, comes a continual growth.

This clarity was what I was hoping and aching for.

Autumn

Brings new projects & possible contracts

A Research / Writing project on my Paternal Grandmother

I will be focusing the majority of my writing time on my grandmother Joan Francis Gooddday Lugar. Who she was, what she did and why I find her life story one that needs to be shared.

WORDS

Looking to expand the words project.

Brilliansea

Joining with Claire Fraser, the Spotlight Series will be expanding into something more in a video / documentary format.
Stay tuned!

Freelance Screenwriting

Accepting contracts and opportunities when feasible.

As students go back to school there is no reason us adults can’t get a work refresh as well. With new work coming my way, I figure it’s time to recenter and recalibrate.

Here are a few essentials to think about:

Materials

Know exactly what materials you need and will create a productive atmosphere for you. For me, this is my MacBook Pro, headphones, notebook & bullet journal, along with whatever beverage I am drinking (water, coffee, tea, etc.).

Nutrition

This is the time of year that colds start getting shared & I am loath to get sick. When I do get sick it’s usually a doozy, so I do everything I can to avoid it, including taking vitamins (specifically, probiotics, garlic tablets, vitamin C and my regular multi vitamin), eating salads, kale smoothies and adding meat to my diet when I feel I need it (I specifically know that I crave and need extra portien when approaching my period).

Movement

Getting some sort of exercise is not only known to help with mental wellness, it is key when working at a sit down job. As a writer, all I do is sit down to work. I make a huge effort to maintain an equal amount of moment into my life. This usually means, 20 mins of yoga, 20 mins of cardio and a walk during the day. Extra movement looks like: (skating, swimming, swing dance, nature walks / hikes, hot yoga).

Dress

Using the ‘getting ready’ part of the day as a mindful exercise in preparing and choosing items to wear that will help me embrace the work I am about to do is essential. I am highly aware it is a privilege and a luxury to have items to choose from, products to use and the time to set aside to prepare for the day. I mindfully express gratitude as I prepare and never forget that although I may at times believe I want more, that I in fact, have more than enough and am content with the life I am breathing this day.

Inspiration

However you work, it’s important to have what inspires you in proximity. For me this is having a few privately chosen places for knick knacks that are meaningful to me and that only I can see. A tab on my laptop specifically for bookmarked articles, videos relating to my professional development that will help me grow, a background on my laptop I love and music that I can play while I work if the work fits that.

However you refresh your work lifestyle for the Autumn, do take it into account.

There is nothing like realizing you can do something to boost your ‘practice’ to be more full, enjoyable and productive.

Coming out of our first of a few planned small vacations / staycations I have been refreshed.

I stumbled onto a moment that triggered me to remember a moment almost four years back.  I took a moment to sit down on my regular walk in a little alcove that always seems a bit too magical for the everyday routine.  

As I sat down and looked around me I was reminded of the day that created me to write this: 
 "Wellness Wednesday: Captivation"

"Open your eyes today, this week, this month.  Keep ready for a moment that captivates you, and sink into it.  Sink deep into the waters of your spirit.  Listen to it.  What is the whisper that tries so hard to cry out?"

It is so easy to let the pressures of what we want to see happen, what you thought would happen, what you dream of and how it turns out differently, or even when you are left with nothing to hold on to be the filter in which we perceive our lives. 

Yet when I look at this moment that happened years ago and what I know of now, what I didn't know then.  What I have now, what I didn't have then.  What I lost, what I gained... it all is a captivating and arresting truth...

So I am going into this Summer with my eyes open, personally and especially professionally at what captivates me.  Taking those truths and moving them forward one small action at a time. 

My real work is to stay open to the journey and keep my eyes open to what is around me. 

Attentive. 

What captivates me today?

Deep conversations with creative women.

Raw and exciting story telling with authentic humour that leaks out of it.  

Trying new ideas and learning along the way. 

Something clicked just over a month ago.  

I can and should have multiple different projects on the go in various stages of development at all times. 

This has been true for me at different times in my work, but never intentional.

It hit me while sitting and listening to women in the storytelling industry.

It is normal and in fact, part of the creative industry to be multitasking with various projects.

You see, that is not in my nature.  I am a multi-tasker in my day sure, but not in how I live my overall life.  If I want to do anything, I am guns blazing from start to finish.  I want to start at the beginning and get to the end, as fast as I possibly can.  

That is not how it works in the theatre, film and television industry.  

It takes Months.  Seasons.  YEARS even.

This realization is blowing my mind and still a challenge to comprehend.

At this point, all I can truly say, is that I am learning how to be more comfortable and capable with balancing this reality.  Having four projects this season seems daunting and overwhelming and yet, it also seems absolutely possible and motivating. 

As my awareness and understanding of how this works develops for me I will definitely be documenting and sharing my process and learning.  

Until then,

With various projects I go....