A bit on July.
While coping and recovering from Kidney stones I ended up having the laydown time to read. I inhaled these books and am so glad that with the return of the Halifax Public Libraries I am back to my normal reading routine.
You, Me, and the Sea | Meg Donohue
A beautiful take on what it means to come from a damaged home and find one’s own identity outside of it to return to make space better. I enjoyed the relational realism that was depicted in this story.
Where the Sidewalk Ends | Shel Silverstein
A fun read with our daughters. A few of Shel’s poems before bed often gave us a good laugh or a thoughtful pause.
Landline | Rainbow Rowell
Inhaled this read in 24 hours. Rainbow Rowell writes her stories in a way that allows the reader to relax, get curious and enjoy the ride. A story about what qualities are in a long-lasting relationship and what makes them survive.
Becoming | Michelle Obama
I thoroughly enjoyed reading Michelle’s account of her life thus far. Written beautifully and easy to follow her everyday woman’s journey from girlhood to becoming FLOTUS.
Little Fires Everywhere | Celeste Ng
A stunning read on motherhood written by Celeste Ng set in the 1990s in a traditional planned community of “Shake Heights” in Ohio. Character development is a steller, you can picture the community and the people who live there. A beautiful story.
Summer is a time of road trips, driving to the beach, and parties.
Although drives in our province can happen, we find ourselves in a season of planning and preparing. A huge part of that is having our child enter primary school. A huge stepping stone for her and us.
While creating a playlist I found joy in adding a few tracks that reflected summer like films while also adding tracks that felt reflective of a summer full of shifts, pandemic restrictions and hopes for the future.
*Standouts
In the Waiting | Kina Grannis
This track has given me a lot of hope, peace and reminder to stay present in the moment and day I am in.
Revival Anthem | Rend Collective
It’s no secret that I ADORE music from the British Isles. Rend Collective has a tone similar to Mumford and Sons while also highlighting their faith in creative ways. Seeing them play live last year was a highlight. Their energy is terrific. (It didn’t hurt that they said Nova Scotia of all the provinces in Canada reminded them of the same music energy / atmosphere they see in Ireland.)
La Vie En Rose | Lady Gaga
A Star is Born tore my heart in two. I found it beautifully done to the point of feeling the ache of it’s echo months later. Always loving this song, I found Lady Gaga (Stefanie) rendition of it reaches new heights.
Water | Kanye West
As polorizing as Kayne can be, I find his creativity fascinating. Over the years I have resonated with his work that highlights the desire to connect with a higher power.
I initially found peace in this song when this couple captured the physicality of the song.
Seasons | NEEDTOBREATHE
This song hit me in the gut and was an instant purchase. I think music connects us as humans and ultimately I would argue that it’s a way that we connect deeper with that which made us.
*always tacked on the playlist is a few tracks from the Outlander season / book I am re-reading / rewatching. Summer 2020 is Book 1 & Season 1.
A bit of a vlog on the month of June.
creativity is a sacred ground.
it is where the fires of change and new ways begin.
creativity has rocked my world again and again.
Pulled me apart and then reordered me stronger.
Creativity is a burning ember.
A small light at the pit of who you are.
Light it up.
Fan the flame
Let it become a roaring furnace and see what comes of it.
We were made to burn.
To create is to be made new with everything you make.
cooking, decorating, writing, building, painting, gardening, singing, composing…
to make something out of seemingly nothing.
That is a value that you can’t put a price tag on.
May didn’t allow for much creativity and exploration in using the camera or documenting.
That being said, for the sake of the 1 year monthly project, May is here.
Albeit a bit late.
It’s been hard to fit in reading the past few months, but with the hopes of our public library re-opening eventually (a slow and very methodical opening) I am more motivated than ever to read through what has been lent to me or I have had on the book shelf.
Hunger | Roxane Gay
Roxane has a beautiful way of capturing the heart of things. In this book of essays, she articulates her struggle with weight and the psychological beginnings and affects it has had on her. She puts to words the ‘pandemic’ of obesity, is in actual fact, rarely ever about the ‘weight’ itself. For her, it is a deep-rooted trauma that is a thread in the tapestry of her life. Although I do not have her story nor relate to it, I appreciate her perspective and insight.
Lord John and the Hand of Devils | Diana Gabaldon
An extension of the Outlander character Lord John Grey and his adventures not included in the main series. The first two novellas in this book are less as enjoyable as the last. In essence, I am more interested to see what Lord John was up to, as it relates to his feelings and perspective in regards to anyone in the Fraser clan.
Spring | Melissa Harrison
Another beautiful collection of essays, poems and thoughts in regards to Spring.
Top Centre - Clockwise: Coffee Mug | Jaw Pottery, Rain Jacket | London Fog, Pre School work books | Amazon, Rainboots | Hunter, Quote squares | Birthday gift from Jasmine, Blue-light glasses | Amazon, Spring Anthology | Amazon, Rhythms of Renewal | Amazon, Bye Bye Under Eye | Sephora, Soy Candle - Rain | Saje, Pillow Cover | Indigo, Iridescent Wine goblet | Winners
Indigo Pillow Covers
I adore having seasonal decor but in a minimal sense. Getting my hands on these pillow covers allows me to change up the look without investing in more pillows.
Pre School Workbooks
These workbooks along with the Kiwi Crate Co. were a blessed addition to our lives during the worst of the pandemic. Learning helped tire our preschool/grade primary ready kid out and helped her feel more confident daily.
Quote Squares
Knowing I like slipping words in the corners of my home, Jasmine smartly sent me these for my 31st. Any words from Maya Angelou are sure to shake you a little.
Rain Gear
In Nova Scotia, not having rain gear is absolutely ridiculous. I finally got rain boots (my old ones had bit the dust almost two years ago & invested in a high quality rain jacket.
Rhythms of Renewal
Listening to the author of this book in a podcast interview by happenstance as the pandemic restrictions hit made me order the book. Couldn’t be more perfectly timed.
Top Centre - Clockwise: Peach Skipping rope | Amazon, Denim Dress | Joe Fresh, Hair Bows | Gift from Auntie Nicole, Bracelet | Etsy, Pink T Shirt | Joe Fresh, Sweater Dress | H&M, Blue Jumper & Red/White T-Shirt | H&M, Polly Pockets & Tiny Toys | My 90’s childhood collection, Where the Sidewalk Ends | Birthday gift from Mimi & Yeye, Animal Upon Animal | Amazon, Readers | Gifts from Auntie Susan, Jean Shorts | Carters, Jeans | Old Navy, Pre School Math & Literacy | Amazon, Necklace & Bracelet | Birthday Gift from Auntie Nicole & Uncle Jude, Pink Shoes | Winners, Mermaid Pyjamas | Old Navy, Wild Flower Pyjamas | Old Navy, Sunglasses | H&M, Sneakers | Zara, Rainboots | H&M, Dress Shop | my 90’s childhood collection, Hedhghog Family | Chapters, Rain jacket | Old Navy, Socks | H&M
Having Zoë’s last semester of preschool cancelled, we had to shift gears at home and in our daughter’s overall daily life. This capsule is very indicative of the direction that the COVID 19 pandemic took us and her.
New to Her
Denim Dress
A birthday dress. She loves wearing dresses these days.
Rain Jacket
What kid wouldn’t want a see-through rain jacket? These were the thoughts I had running through my mind pre COVID world when I was in Old Navy late February. I am very glad I picked it up. It was a hit. She adores it
Pink Dress Shoes
On our last outing before the pandemic, Zoë strolled through winners and picked up this pair of shoes. Already more of a shopper than her mama and with a keen eye, I couldn’t deny her this pair. We said we would put them aside for her easter outfit. (little did we know easter events would all be in the house this year, either way, we brought them out for easter and she adores them.)
Still Going Strong
Pyjamas
Although a couple of sets of pyjamas wore out in the knee (inevitable) she still has plenty of pairs to keep her going and will probably fit still this coming autumn. I love the patterns Old Navy produces for kids.
H&M Rainboots
Ordered over a year ago these rainboots I purchased was a size too big for her at the time but has proven to be a smart choice as they fit perfectly and I assume they will for at least the duration of this year.
Readers
A gift from a great aunt awhile ago, these readers are becoming the method in which Zoë is gaining her reading skills. Seeing her understand the process of reading is such a thrill.
Time to Go
*not pictured here
Worn out socks & Pyjama Pants
This season plenty of worn-out socks and pyjama pants were tossed. Thankfully we still have plenty on hand and are in no great need to replace any.
Top centre - Clockwise: Facemasks | Mothers Day Gift, Bye Bye Undereye - It Cosmetics | Sephora, Rythmns of Renewal - Rebekah Lyons | Amazon, White/Gray Knit Sweater | Winners, Femme T-Shirt | Dynamite, The Fiery Cross - Diana Gaboldon, Brown pleather Purse | Modcloth.com, Hunter Rain Boots | Softmoc (birthday gift from my parents), Yellow Rain jacket | London Fog, White/Grey Pants | RW & Co, Blue Crop Pants with White Ribbon | Aritzia, Tan Turtle Neck | RW&CO, Girlfriend Jeans | The Gap, SOJO Bluelight Glasses | Amazon, White Linen Shirt | Old Navy, Spring Anthologies | Amazon, Brown Pleather Keds | Soft Moc
Entering Spring during a Pandemic introduced some challenges. It changed my goals for the spring Capsule and it quickly showed me that my lack of waterproof (non-winter) footwear was an issue. Along with more lightweight pants and sweaters that were still warm but not suffocating.
New to Me
White/Grey Sweater | Before the pandemic hit Nova Scotia, I went to winners on a whim with my daughter and saw this hanging on the rack. Already a good eye and sharp shopper, she said “this would be nice for you mama”. I had to agree. Knowing that our damp spring days and my love for walks outside would make this sweater a great addition to an admittedly older and worn hoodie that I wear for those times. (I still have that old hoodie…campfire days are perfect for the old raggedy ones)
Femme T-Shirt | I am finding that I have a budding love for the simple white t with words that corroborate with my values and vision statements for work. This one is simple and to the point.
Rain Jacket | My old rain jacket (not seen here) was black, long and form-fitting. It was from a store called One Tooth (Canadian Yoga wear company) it has sense moved/shut down. That jacket was purchased over a decade ago and has seen me through college, theatre school and every outdoor adventure possible. Due to it’s broken zipper and permanently stained front I decided to retire it and invest in this lovely London Fog when it went on sale. I love it so much already. I hope it lasts longer than my last one.
Rain Boots | As with my rain jacket, my old pair of rain boots from winners I purchased during my first ever professional job in 2010 split open and were irreparable. I managed for a year without rainboots. For my birthday this year, my parents helped me purchase this pair of Hunter Boots. I like that they are mid-length. They do the job and hopefully, they last as long as everyone says they do.
Tan Turtle Neck | RW&Co has a variety of turtlenecks. Once I knew my size and the style I liked, I bought a few more when they went on sale for future work outfits in the winter and autumn. This tan one was a great addition to the colder days in early spring. (the rest I packed away for Autumn.)
Still Going Strong
Leather Brown Keds | I adore this pair of Keds. I will wear them to the ground before I let them go.
Girlfriend Jeans | This pair from the gap is a perfect fit for my body type. Again, will wear till they fall apart.
Yoga Clothes | Not seen here my 3 pairs of yoga tops and 3 pairs
Time to Go
*not seen here:
Rain Jacket from One Tooth. It lived a long life with me. Worth the investment in ‘07/08’
May was full of events and other such to-dos… reading was enjoyed as an escape but not as much time for it as I would have liked.
Still, these are hefty books to have finished this month:
The Fiery Cross | Diana Gabaldon
I completed this fifth installment of the Outlander series as the fifth season of Outlander on STARZ finished airing. Diana Gabaldon continues to deliver with every read. At 979 pages, this read was chock-full of the description on history, character development, everyday living and, of course, epic adventures and happenings that could only happen in a book that is all genres in one. The Fiery Cross covers the lead up to the American Revolution, how Jamie and Claire Fraser, along with their extended family, manage while also knowing what is to come. The Outlander Series continues to be an incredible example that it is possible to capture the growth of a relationship over the decades.
The Testaments | Margaret Atwood
Having read The Handmaids Tale, it seemed fitting to see how Margaret continued the story. Jumping ahead of time, we are given multiple characters' perspectives both in and outside of Gilead.
I have always found The Handmaids Tale an intriguing take on the patriarchy, especially after hearing Margaret Atwood explain in an interview that people’s distaste for this world is in, fact, a direct reaction to the true happenings in our world. It’s easy to think this writer fluffed up a story with horrific details against women, but in fact, she researched and has only ever created the world of Gilead based on true experiences women have experienced either in the past or currently in the world. To have to be met with those truths, even in a fictional world, is jarring and helps me remember why I stand up for myself when actions towards me have gotten out of hand. It is not about creating a scene, but about continuing to create a world in which it is safe to speak up, choose and make mistakes as well as successes as women and for the future women.
To summarize, I was expecting more of a diabolical ending to The Testaments, but either way, Margaret Atwood gave us another piece of fiction to ponder over the words and actions of others and even ourselves.
April began sweetly and it was a simple little reminder of how, as a family of three, we can, and do sustain each other. Each of us has our own creative endeavours and work. Those things keep us fulfilled while the in-between moments are for holding, sharing, eating together and finding solace in the quiet.
Yet,
We are not going through an easy time.
We are grappling with more than we had anticipated for this year.
It’s a journey.
As all of life is.
Here is April,
how I felt it in little snippets….
this is thirty-one.
The lead up to this birthday was difficult.
Losing a grandfather who helped bolster my dreams, a global pandemic causing us to stay home, a provincial mass shooting that reached a national level, and an atmosphere change in our little home…. the layers of these events, although a warrior I believe myself to be…created a weakening in my heart. Tears have come easily and without much effort and, a new realization of what is to come has surfaced.
I am wrapping my head around this one.
Thirty-One didn’t arrive with streamers and confetti for me.
Thirty-One didn't come with a big celebration.
Thirty-One arrived with an invitation and a whisper.
Thirty-One left a challenge at my doorstep.
Will you dream new and different? Will you open yourself up to something more than what is currently before you?
On the one hand, this invitation is coming clearly. I see collaborations and work developing at a new and exciting rate.
On the other hand, this invitation is a road full of fog and unknowns before me. I can hear the invitation, but I can’t see around the bend. How can I let go of what I have known for something I don’t yet know of?
And this is where the practice of releasing what I hold dear and opening myself up to what is new and the next right thing to comes into my life.
A practice that is harder than one would ever want to admit.
A practice I may have done a million times, only to struggle to do it a million and one times more.
This is thirty - one.
and it seemed that all at once, she was five.
Zoë has flourished over the last year.
Becoming more of herself separate from us.
I see myself in her eyes, the demonstrative affection and the willingness to drop everything and be silly for silly sake.
I see him in her thought out nature, fully engrossed ways and ability to tell people ‘how it is’ and ‘how it all works’.
More importantly, I see her.
Moved and affected by everything and everyone around her. She has taken on learning how to skate, read, write, have friendships and ultimately become more and more of herself every day.
To say we are proud of her is an understatement.
We are engrossed, overcome, blessed, challenged and inspired by her.
We delight in her.
In five more years she will be ten.
Hard to imagine the changes, the becoming, the metamorphosis that will happen between now and then and from then to beyond.
What we know for sure,
Zoë will always be a bright light as she is. All of the parts of who she is is what makes her unique. We couldn’t ask for anything else.
Our only prayer
is that she always be free in her spirit to be fully ‘Zoë’, however that is, however that grows and changes. May her spirit remain free from the expectations and standards of this world and may she step into whatever her calling may be despite what may try to come against her in her life.
It’s not just COVID-19.
It’s everything on top of it.
It’s the deaths in the family, the tragedies in shootings, the loss of life when helicopters crash and the missing of those we cannot see.
Nova Scotia, my dear province, lost 22 people in our countries largest mass shooting.
In less than 24 hours, 22 people lost their life. An unthinkable thing. A tragic thing. A no explanation but despair thing. And we are here with our tear-stained cheeks wondering how and where do we go from here? What more will happen? How will we move from this?
It got me thinking as my heart was heavy, burdened with the death, the loss, the deep well of emotion when life is unsteady and unreal.
What do we do?
Make moves for peace.
How?
First, we listen, and we feel.
Feel the agony, the weight and the unsettledness.
Then, as the day moves, we move too. We make moves for peace.
Quiet, steady, one at a time, moves for peace.
For me, this meant:
Calling out toxic behaviour that surrounded our home.
Filling my ears with music that uplifts.
Watching media that welcomes peace such as Mr.Rodgers Neighbourhood
Almost daily chats with those who create order in my spirit.
Quiet activities, like walks, journaling, yoga & reading.
Praying.
Reading the Psalms.
What are your moves for peace?
Mary Poppins | P. L. Travers
A read from March I forgot to record. Mary Poppins was a blast to read aloud as a family and was a great lead into watching the Disney classic. As a parent, you start to realize that Mary Poppin’s sensibilities were always slyly put in places the belonged the most. And usually, always about the world needing to shift and shape up and letting the children, be children.
Rhythms of Renewal | Rebekah Lyons
After hearing Rebekah interviewed I quickly ordered her book. I find anyone who wants to study the rhythms of seasons, creativity and spirituality combined is someone I want to hear from. This book has not disappointed. Her approach to her faith and how she lives a more balanced life is refreshing.
Dawn of a Distant Shore | Sara Donati
The second in the Wilderness series. Dawn of a Distant Shore didn’t disappoint, although I found it a bit less engaging as the first. It’s always fun to read when characters come into my dear home and native land as Canada and even reference or come into the Halifax area. That being said, the most interesting character arc in the story for me, was the adolescent daughter. Her perspective on their journeys was always what I wanted to flip to.
For personal and professional growth with tools, I challenged myself to put together a vlog with a combination of videos from my ‘insta’ stories and newly attained Sony A77.
Although I have been around these tools for the past few years, I have not attempted to learn them or use them myself, outside of collaborations.
Past youtube videos have always been edited by my tech-loving husband.
This time… it’s all me.
(except, I admit… he did help me with the sound levels before I uploaded…)
I hope you enjoy my first crack at it.
As I look at the songs that I have gathered for this season’s playlist, I was hit with the realization of how the COVID-19 pandemic affected my choices. I was already in the process of curating the list when COVID hit our country and my province. In knowing that, there are many songs on this list that I may not have otherwise included. The few from Mary Poppins and Into the Woods, being from musicals would have been songs I would have nixed before the list was completed or left just one. But the words in those musicals, the point they are making seemed to say something to me. About unknowns and uncomfortable places.
Spring 2020 Playlist <——-
Standouts*
Clearly | Grace Vanderwall
A cross between a cover of “I Can See Clearly Now” by Johnny Nash and a new song, Grace’s words in Clearly give hope in times when life is uncertain. Where can we find hope today? How can we accept what we cannot change?
8 | Billie Eilish
I love these few songs from Billie that sit on the surface of your skin and make you listen deeper.
The Blessing | Kari Jobe
I have always found peace and rest in traditional hymns and songs. This was sent to me by my Dad amidst the grief of a loss in the family and the following shock of the effects of COVID.
A Spoonful of Sugar | Julie Andrews (Mary Poppins)
With the adjustments and inability to hug those we care about, the words of this song hit me as we introduced it to our almost five-year-old. These lessons are invaluable.
Never in our generations have we been so restricted.
Not since the World Wars have we been encouraged to stay home, confined in our movements and asked to put the needs of others before our own. This just points out the privilege that we have been born into and daily have.
As the weeks progress, people are losing their jobs either temporarily or entirely, missing out on surrounding a loved one as they die, postponing weddings and funerals, losing the opportunity to have a doula supported birth, experiencing loneliness in a new way…
This is real.
Nothing I could ever say or suggest could minimize the weight that we have to journey. So rather than minimize, here are a few prompts of things one can do to hopefully aid in peace, groundedness and a bit of enjoyment.
Keep a Schedule
Whatever you do, don't slip into a non-scheduled life. (unless it’s the weekend) For me, it's a mix of time slots I upkeep for my work & a running list of daily activities that I do before the day is out. (daily chores, workouts, lessons with the preschooler)
Identify Professional Projects
Kick-starting new professional goals and projects That you can work on at home can be motivating and something to boost confidence.
Identify Personal Projects
Taking on my daughter's pre-school activities, enjoying the Home Edit mini-challenge, Spring cleaning, and preparing for her 5th birthday are ways to keep me occupied.
Get Relational
Relationships require an intentional back and forth. It takes work. Being able to identify those who are invested in the back and forth and creating a routine or natural rhythm of communication during this time of social isolation can do wonders for your heart. Currently, this means 'face-timing' with a good friend every Monday night when we would have been on my couch and watching a show. Now we do it separately while still experiencing it together. 'Facetiming' grandparents, always telling my aunt when I finish a book, staying close with my cousin while we grieve our grandfather and journey this uncertain time across the country from each other.
Move Your Body
In Nova Scotia, we have been told not to leave our communities and seek out nature, but are allowed to walk in our own neighbourhood, to limit the community spread of COVID-19. Thankfully, this means my daily walking routine is not limited and getting out for fresh air, distancing myself from neighbours that also walk that route has been an excellent time for me to separate from the emotions. Youtube and the broader internet is full of free and subscription-based workout videos of every kind. Personally, I adore Popsugar & Yoga With Adrienne.
Prepare food with Intention
Every meal matters. Turn on music, set the table, light candles, prepare with creativity. Eating alone or with those in your house in an atmosphere brings so much joy.
Document
Some do this by taking photos on their phones for Instagram, others by video and others by journaling. However you document your thoughts and experiences; do it. It's a form of therapy.
Homework | Julie Andrews
Written with a literary and sleight of hand with wit, Julie Andrews, along with her daughter, craft each chapter to give the reader a full perspective of the personal and professional aspect of Julies Hollywood years. I find in her age, Julie reminds me of how my paternal grandmother used to talk. It could be the British and proper influence with stringing sentences together, or it could be the sly snarky two cents that Julie adds for the reader to hear. (Which, my grandmother often didn't leave to question) Whether I found threads of my grandmother in this memoir or just the comforting voice of a woman whom I watched in my childhood, it was a read that was timely during a time that has been full of emotion, loss and unknowns.
Becoming Mrs.Lewis | Patti Callahan
Still working my way through this book, it reveals a fictional but fact-based take on the woman who became C.S.Lewis' wife. Without knowing much about C.S.Lewis' personal life, this is a surprising read.
The Art of Money | Bari Tessler
Always ready to look at our financial wellness in a new way. Bari posses new ways to assess how your finances, be them secure or severe, can become a freeing experience.
Do Less | Kate Northrup
A book packed with ideas on how to look at life differently with different exercises. In retrospect, this read was a significant lead into the COVID-19 season.
Films / TV Series of Note
The Marvellous Mrs.Maisel S03 - For the exceptional talent and collaborative mediums in the art of storytelling
Veronica Mars S01 - For the review of an early 2000's TV show that stands the test of time. Although filmed with those kitschy drama methods, the plot and character development stand.
The Farewell - An American raised Chinese granddaughter grapples with her family's choices in dealing with her ailing grandmother.
Mary Poppins - Our March family movie, which seemed perfect for ushering in Spring.