Why Capsule?

After having a baby and wearing mostly second-hand maternity clothes for the pregnancy I was anxious to get back into items that felt like me.

What I wasn't prepared for was the change in who I felt I was as a woman.  I looked at my closet and realized that these styles, colours and prints were someone else.

I felt different.  Very very different.

But the budget was small and the ability for me to just go out and change my whole wardrobe  was not an option.

So what did I do?

Seasonal Capsule Wardrobes.

Capsule Wardrobing is a buzz term on the internet and there are varying degrees on what it can mean and how to do it. For me, I decided it was this.

1) Assess Previous & Current Season items.

Winter, Spring, Summer & Autumn I would assess my clothes and make sure that every item I stored in a drawer or closet would not only be worn that season, but be loved and adored by me.

2) Identify three items that needed to be replaced, or added to the wardrobe.  

This usually includes something practical, something I have been drooling over and  a lipstick colour for funzies.

3) Quality over quantity.  

Having less means less choices to make every day and having really good quality clothing also means that I will get good wear and enjoyment out of each and every item. 

Clockwise: Black H&M Skinnys, 2 Turtle Necks from Winners (will be getting rid of one, both are starting to look worn), Red Plaid Button Up from Winners, Black & White H&M Quarter Length T, Dark Joe Fresh Skinny Jeans, Mod Cloth Dress, Nordic Leggings from Zulily, White & Black Forever 21 Cat quarter length sweater, Forever 21 Black Cat sweater, Circle scarf from Modcloth 

amygrace&Toby Ali '13

I am a terrible dancer.

This may come as a surprise, but it is true.

I don't know if I found dance or dance found me...But I do know we are intertwined now, a forever bond that keeps my feet to the rhythm.

On a whim in 2011, I decided I wanted to learn how to Swing Dance and thus the training began.  (albeit with a few years of basic figure skating under my belt, I understood only the concept of movement on ice.)  

You may not know it now, but I still struggle with the theory and fundamentals of dance.  As I do with most things.  

Watch me at a dance, and you may think I am making this up and it is all in my head.

Maybe that is where it starts.  Inside my head, I am my own worst enemy.  I fumble up on thinking through footwork, and I complicate moves by processing on overdrive.  I end up confused, tangled and out of sync.

Yet, I still dance.

In amidst all my doubts and clumsiness over myself I have become that woman who can surprise a 'lead' with a move that adds depth and creativity.  I can use musicality and personality to my advantage and I routinely and stubbornly practice moves until I have learned them.

Over all the flubs and flat out feet cringing moments, learning dance has taught me that no matter what may seem confusing, too much or too complicated, if the desire is there and I put dedication in, I will reach a level where I can look back and see how much I learned, can do and have achieved.

One clumsy foot after another.

Danielle and I met in 2014 while we attended the Pre Professional Training Program at Neptune Theatre in Halifax, Nova Scotia.  She is vibrant, stylish and someone I now call a dear friend.  She lives in Toronto now and keeps my feed alive with her adventures.

Actor|Singer|Fashion Blogger

How would you describe yourself? 

Oh man....well, I’m someone who is very giving, and I like to do things for other people.  I’m determined.  I’m strong.  I’m funny and strange, and weird (in a good way!).  I like to be goofy.  Sometimes I can be shy and anxious too.  I think a lot of people don’t realize that about me at first.  Well, maybe the shy part, but not the anxious part.  I’m a small girl, with big dreams!

How has creativity manifested itself in your everyday? 

I’ve definitely found over the years that creativity is a way for me to centre myself.  If I’m feeling stressed, or tired, or even excited.  Being creative is a good way for me to express myself.  A couple years ago I read the book The Artist Way and it really changed the way I view creativity.  I find a big thing for me is giving myself the time to be creative.  I get cranky if I don’t have enough time to express myself.  

Currently, you are in Toronto, what is the atmosphere like there?

So far people have been pretty amazing here.  I’m lucky because I have some friends from Halifax, and a lot of friends from when I used to live in Montreal who now live in Toronto too.  So they’ve kinda taken me under their wing, which I really appreciate.  I’ve heard that it takes a year, and I’ve heard it takes two years, and some people say they are just feeling like they are getting a handle of the city after five years.  I’m excited.  There is so much happening here.  I’m constantly overhearing conversations in the street or just while I’m out, of other performers talking about shows they are doing.  I like to listen and see if I can learn anything from their experiences.  There are tons of open mics and the improv scene is INSANE!  So, so good!  So far the improv community has been really welcoming to me too, so I really appreciate that.  There’s definitely higher stakes here, but I like that.  I like that there is room to grow.

You became such a dear and solid friend during our year in the Neptune Theatre Pre Professional Training Program. In reflection on that year together what is your take away from what they provided us there? 

Awe, thanks girl!  You are very dear to me too!  I was certainly grateful having you there along for that ride!  PPTP really taught me a lot about how to prepare, how to be there for myself as an artist.  I was working a part-time job at the time, but it was really the first time that I just got to focus my energy just on acting and performance and creativity.  It was such a blessing.  I’m so grateful to have had that time to just be.  On the first day, and you might remember this, Chuck, the school director talked to our class and said, “you will never get time like this again.  Don’t F*** it up!”  and that always stuck with me.  It was so great to have that time, to grow and just be.  The first semester was all about process, not product and that was a real switch for me.  A lightbulb moment I guess, because it really taught me that it’s important to try things, and make mistakes and just to spend time on doing and exploring, rather than trying to make it perfect the very first time.  

Can we just reflect on how crazy it was that we were two of three girls in a class full of young guys?? What are your thoughts on how gender played a role in that year. 

Omg...yes, that was very unexpected!  Again, it’s such a blessing that you and me and Sarah got along!  In some ways I feel our class was less competitive...but who knows if that would have changed had there been more girls in the class.  I found it a big harder to get to know the other classmates initially.  But in the end, I love those guys so much!  I know we didn’t really have any drama, which was awesome!

You have played various roles in your acting career thus far, which has been your favourite? 

Ooo good question!  It’s hard to say.  A stand-out for me is probably the roles I played in Spring Awakening, the musical.  At first, I was disappointed because I wanted more singing roles, but in the end, I had such a blast playing those characters.  It was the first time I really played adult characters too.  I played Fraulein Knuppledick, Frau Gabor and shared the role of Fraulein Grossebustenhalter.  I just remember not wanting the run of the play to end.  I wish I could have kept playing those roles for sure.  It was fun because all three characters were so different and we really had room to play around and find the characters.

Your Fashion Blog continues to inspire me, how did fashion and personal style become one of your mediums? 

Haha, thanks girl!  Apparently I used to dress myself pretty crazy as a kid and my older sisters were always getting on my mom to not let me leave the house in what I was wearing, but she would just say that I liked what I was wearing.  I remember my sisters putting a very strong emphasis on matching haha.  But being a younger sister, I got a lot of hand-me downs.  So I’d get a lot of new to me clothes often, and there was usually pretty cool stuff because it was sometimes clothing meant for a slightly older age.  My mom is also a seasmstress, so she’d make us all clothes too!  We’d pick out a pattern and fabric, and she’d make something for us!  That was really cool!  Growing up I was in jr. High, getting my older sister’s clothes (who was in high school).  She had really good style and would lend me clothes or give me stuff that was sometimes barely worn!  

I think being one of 5 children, fashion just was another way for me to express myself and stand out a bit.  I didn’t always have a lot of money, so I’d have to search the sales racks and figure out how I was going to make several outfits from one top.  I also used to watch “What Not to Wear” with my dad!  He has really good style too!  So I learned about what sort of shapes look good depending on your body type/style.  

A big inspiration for me was when I spent a Summer living on exchange in Montreal when I was 17.  It was the first time I had a consistent job and I bought so many clothes!  The fashion in Montreal was and continues to be so inspiring to me.  Once I lived in Montreal again, I started to get inspired by vintage clothing, because you could often find it for cheap and it was well made.

So I guess it’s just my way to express myself.  And then after much peer pressure from you (jk!) I started the fashion blog.  Originally I didn’t think I was qualified, but then I realized that it can be whatever I want it to be and that I don’t have to know everything in order to do the blog and that I can just focus on what I do know and am interested in.  

Danielles Closet Blog

You were and still are a member of 'The Creatives' group that meets here in Halifax, what kept you coming back every month? 

Oh man, The Creatives are the best!  I miss them!  For me, I had a hard time coming back to Halifax.  Even though I was born there and grew up there, I moved away when I was 20, so moving back I didn’t know a lot of the community and I found it challenging at times to make friends.  I remember you inviting me to The Creatives wine night and I went, and immediately felt at home.  Everyone was so warm and welcoming.  And for me I really loved listening to the other women sharing their experiences and ups and downs with creativity and life and it was really great for me to have a place where I could talk openly and candidly about my struggleswhile feeling so much support!  And of course, then I became friends with most of the people in the group, so eventually it also became a place for me to see some awesome ladies who were now my friends!  It was really fun...oh and the wine and treats didn’t hurt either!

Do you have any morning or night routines that centre you? 

It comes and goes.  I love doing yoga in the mornings, but I go through stages of when I do it.  I’ll do it for a while, and then life will get busy and I’ll stop, then I’ll start doing it again.  The last few months I’ve been in such transit, I’d like to find a little more routine to my days. 

If you were to pass on any advice/knowledge/wisdom to other creative seeking spirits, what would you want to say?

Find your people!  Especially if you’re living in a new place, or starting a new creative endeavor.  You need people who will inspire you and who will be there for you on those tough days....and there will be tough days!  Listen to your gut and your intuition.  Go to events alone if you don’t have anyone to go with.  Introduce yourself.  Make stuff.  Remember, it’s just someone’s opinion.  My former acting coach used to say “You are stronger than you think you are!” and it’s so true!  Focus on what you want to do, not what everyone is telling you “you should do.”  GOOD LUCK!

Back to basics was what resonated at this meet-up.  We came back to the core women who have built this group and we welcomed back one of us who spend months away in Europe studying and working.

The past year was a growing one for all of us in many different ways.  In some respects, we have more questions than before.  In other ways we know better.  We have discovered that our questions are okay and that when we answer one set of questions sooner rather than later we will be faced with more and the journey will continue.

We coloured, caught up and Skyped with Jasmine Alexander who is currently teaching in Korea and finding a niche for herself until the end of this year.  One of our fabulous ladies brought a grouping of inspirational / motivational cards and we all picked one.  (The fortune cookie lover in me looooooved this)  I received 'Openness' which only emphasized my intentions and goals for this beautiful group.  I desire a safe and open place for anyone to come to and be blessed by the atmosphere of creativity and growth. 

Our Meet Ups are going Seasonal now.  

Monthly meet ups had it's time and place and now I sense a shift.  Shifts are always a good thing when we move with them.

I hope to see these meet ups find a place in 2016 that is deep, rich, intentional and connective.  I started the Meet Ups to be surrounded by 'makers' , now I continue these meet-ups for depth and growth. 

And what better time to pursue growth then the Spring?

Which is right around the corner...

"...not everyone is as motivated as you."  This has been said to me on more than one occasion, and every time it surprises me.  'Me? Motivated?  I guess.  I guess I am.  Yeah... sure.  I can't sit still for long, so it must be true.  I am motivated.'

Ladies & Gentleman, 

I am a fraud.  

I am not motivated in the slightest. 

Not the real me.  Not the me inside.  The me inside is a powerhouse at eating chocolate, binge watching seasons of television shows, and watching Ladies of London so my own life seems much less dramatic.  Yes... I am not motivated in the slightest. 

Yet there is a little nugget of truth that I keep inside for the days the chocolate chip bag is getting emptier and emptier.  On the days I feel less and less inclined to get up and breathe fresh air. 

The end result is greater if I (insert responsibility, work, chore, activity, hobby) than if I sit here longer.  

The end result is greater than...  Every time.

Last night I texted this to a good friend:

"On the topic of not being motivated:  this is me texting three minutes before dance class, before I walk in the door, wishing I was anywhere but here and that it was cancelled or something...because I'd rather be eating popcorn watching fuller house...Yet...The end result of this class is worth it...it has to be.  I love to dance...& yet, every day life drains me into less of myself until I am groaning about something I want to do."

In that moment, I knew that by texting this to her I would be dispelling my need to turn around and do what apathy wanted me to do.

I know who I am when I am apathetic.  She is not a version of myself I ever want to live with on purpose again so anytime I feel that apathy I reach for motivation as if it's my only lifeline. 

How I am Staying Motivated

1) Creating pockets in my days for my latest obsessions. 

Keeping certain times of the day for me to browse Pinterest, have a sweet treat, watch a new episode of my favourite show keeps me balanced in knowing that it will happen.  I will have that time to myself for my favourite (sometimes mindless) things.  I do not have to be ruled by them.

2) Doing one thing at one time.

Multi-tasking is a double edged sword.  Baking and listening to music is one thing, but watching a tv show, scrolling through Facebook and texting a friend at the same time is one way to loose the whole point of all three. When I mindfully choose a task and do it whole heartedly I enjoy it more and I am more likely to be satisfied by the time I am done.

3) Focusing on the end result.

With any task the end result is what matters.  What kept me motivated to loose the baby weight after birth was not the current moment.  If I was judging life by the current moment, I wouldn't have moved an inch from bed.  I remembered what it felt like to move with ease and dance with abandon and that was what I wanted to do again.  No biscuit, piece of cake or brownie was worth compromising me feeling strong again.  

4) Having a morning & night routine that centres me with anything that happened in-between.

A lot can happen in a day.  We can create soothing habits and promises to ourselves by bookending our days with certainty.

5) Identifying and staying accountable to those who will enoucrage and support my current lifestyle and goals.

Know who has your back in each different aspect of your life.

To summarize the highlights of this month in the least amount of words.

1. Got slammed by Disney Pixars 'Inside Out'.

2. Spoiled and kept warm by these Valentines Socks.

3. Gave him / us glasses to 'cheers' with.  (We do it with everything.)

4. It's "The End of the Day" all day .... cause Les Miserables rehearsals.  

5.  Was sent the free replacement for my broken water bottle (Only broke because baby girl tipped it off the counter with cap off onto tile floor.  Glass lip contacted first....smashed.)

6. Falling in love with boyfriend jeans.

7.  Had a rise in temperature to the fog, mist and mildness of east coast spring.

8. Had Shrove Tuesday with Family.

9. Found the podcast Serial ... now I know what all the fuss is about. ADDICT! 

10.  Read Permission & Persistence from Elizabeth Gilberts Big Magic book.  It's getting real. 

What are your jot notes from February ? 

"What do you do?"

It is common practice in a social situation to pose this question.  We ask it to connect, to relate and to compare.  We ask it, because in our culture, status is more important than being genuine.

Genuinely curious if the other persons 'doing' relates to you?  Genuinely interested in a life outside of your own?

Maybe.

But posed this way in North America, "What do you do?" implies multiple pressures that creates an inauthentic and highly judgmental exchange.  

I say this from all sides.

I have been the career woman who when asked launches into a unique description of a career and job that the person who asked knows nothing about.  I am shiny, interesting and almost awe inspiring to this person. 

I have been the student who when asked regales the tales of a career turned creative enthusiast who is studying her passions and teaching on the side.  I am bright, strange and almost intriguing to this person.

I have been the ill pregnant woman who when asked expresses hope for the future, a quiet present and is soaking in the inspiration of birth.  I am natural, pathetic, and almost wishful thinking to this person.

I have been the post baby woman who when asked quickly replies with health and wellness for the present, writing and project launching for the coming months and is focusing on the needs of herself and baby first.  I am annoying, boring and almost irritating to this person.

I am the creative woman who when asked chooses to reply by saying I am intrigued by how creativity works in our lives and currently I am studying and writing about it.  I also mentor others in creativity and I keep up with an almost one year old.  I am odd, joyful and misunderstood often by you.

Instead of asking

"What do you do?"

We should be asking:

What intrigues you?  How do you do life?  What would you call yourself? 

Ask more than just a question that will help you analyze someone, ask questions that will help you understand who they are as a whole being better.  Anyone can give you their 'work' description, but not everyone can explain whole heartedly what drives them and how they get through the everyday. 

Social media has created a wonderful and yet dizzying concept of what it means to be 'living'.  What it means to have a 'lifestyle'.  Scroll through some images, read some blogs and there we can define ourselves by the 'living' of others.  Yet, it may never truly be your own lifestyle.  Because you didn't own it.

Lifestyle is 'how we do our everyday'.  

The practice of owning and defining our lifestyle is life altering.  The process not only creates a vision for where we want to be, but gives us a very defined outline of how to live our day to day.  Days lead to weeks, weeks lead to months and months lead to years.  

So how do we figure it all out?  

1) What's your personality pace?

Are you motivated by a busy schedule?  High stakes, high rewards?  Are you drained by crowds and being rushed?  Do you desire synchronicity in work, relationships and play?  Do you wish others would slow down or speed up with you?

2) Where do you see yourself?  

City, country, lake, ocean, mountains, fields, weekend, weekdays, cafés, malls, etc?

3)  Identify Wellness.

Mental, Physical, Emotional, Relational, Financial.  Identify one thing in each that you desire.

4) A daily gift to yourself.

What is one small thing that you can promise yourself you will do that will make you happy? 

5) Pick three words.

What are three separate words that describe your desired lifestyle?

____

If you review these five mindful questions you will be led to defining a lifestyle that fits you.

Insert Your answers.

I am a (describe personality)  _______________ , who wants to be in/at (insert location) ____________ on the weekdays and in/at (insert location) ___________ on the weekends.  I routinely need to have (mental requirement), _______ , (physical requirement)__________ , (emotional requirement)_________ , (relational requirement)___________, (Financial requirement) and (any other form of wellness) ___________.  I will daily (daily gift) ________ to feed my spirit and ultimately I will keep ______, ______, ______ in mind as I go about my day.

"I can't draw a stick figure to save my life!  I am not creative at all!"

"I don't have a musical bone in my body!"

............................................................

Let's lay out some ground work for creativity and fast track this shall we?

 

You are creative.

EXHIBIT A:

CREATIVE. ADJ.  relating to or involving the imagination or original ideas, especially in the production of an artistic work: change unleashes people's creative energy |creative writing.• (of a person) having good imagination or original ideas: Homer, the creative genius of Greek epic.

FINDINGS:

1) Especially in the production of an artistic work, but not discarding works of other kinds. 

2) All of you is original.  You are the only you.  No matter what you do with your life, it is going to be original.  It is going to be uniquely you in only a way that you could do it.  You will create your life in only the ways that you know how.

Goal: 

Be uniquely and originally you.  

You are the creativity.

"Who do you think you are?"

Every time I stand up to act, dance, sing or write, I have a fleeting moment that I believe I am an imposter.  I am sure that by now it doesn't look like I am struggling.  That is what being a performer is all about.  You don't show the audience your fear.  You bring out the part of you that 'could' be confident and you stand in that 0.2% of yourself.  Confident. 

This was my year in theatre school.

Twenty-four and leaving a well broken in career for early morning rolling on the floor, yelling at the top of my lungs, singing out rhythms and creating theatrical montages with my body.  

"Who do you think you are?  You imposter!"

I saw the looks, heard the confusion and I felt the judgement. 

No matter which way you cut it, I was doing something many people thought I had already gotten out of my system.  The academics and MFA majors cannot fathom why an already careered adult would want to venture into a one year training program for the stage.

I decided my fear was less important than being true to the strong calling on my spirit.  I decided I would rather be an imposter then not at all.

I spent over eight months studying the performing arts.  It was everything I had dreamed.  Beautiful early mornings stretching my body and exploring every inch of my soul.  I was pushed.  I was given the floor to explore the wounds within my spirit.  

"Reach for more!"  I was told as I danced around a dress shirt.  A symbol for the people who have left.

"You are more intelligent than you think you are."  I was pulled aside after an in-depth discussion in class. 

"You have a powerhouse voice, now you just need to know how to harness it."  He said after a practice.

Yet.

"Who do you think you are?" echoes like heels in an empty hall. 

And I am here to tell you it still does.

The dark stiletto heels echo in my ears every time I stand up and say yes to doing what I was called to do.

And every time I say yes, there will also be a crowd of people with furrowed eyebrows and whispered thoughts behind doors.

And thats okay.

I am venturing into new terriority and as a stunning spirit declared truth over coffee.

"You better know who you are, because that voice is coming the more you step out."

If you step out, the voice is going to come.

It is going to whisper over your shoulder and it will make you quiver with doubt.  But the call is deeper.  The call is raw with dew and ready for you to step into.

I am here with hands open, ready to take yours into this journey of the unknown.  Where the voice of doubt grows louder and the call keeps us running faster and faster.

I want to run with you.

I want to dance with you.

I want to light a sparkler with you.

I want to stand with you.

I am a self proclaimed musical promoter.  I grew up on musicals, swing dance, broadway and old black and white film classics.  If someone started singing "Good Morning"  I would chime in and fill in where they left off.  

No, the song was not made for a viagra commercial.  (insert eye-roll here)

I remember the Christmas my sister and I received VHS tapes of "The Sounds of Music" with Julie Andrews and "My Fair Lady" with Audrey Hepburn.  That winter those two musicals played one after the other.  On repeat.  The dancing, the singing, the corepgrahy.  We soaked it in.

I have introduced many people to the classics.  To the new and the old of the triple threat world.  Song, dance and act.  

I have a confession...

I haven't been watching musicals (albeit once in a while) or listening to my adored accapella music for almost two years.  I have a lingering fear I will never sing, dance or act again.  That every time, is my last time. 

When I was pregnant I had to stop swing and blues dancing.  Nausea was my main symptom of pregnancy and when it did let up, my body still heaved at the thought of too much up and down. 

Somewhere in the pregnancy I began to avoid musicals, show tunes, and deep deep blues and jazz music.  It cut into me like a knife.  Like watching a lover be with another.  It was impossible for me to witness.  So I avoided my favourite city theatre, took all musical music off my iPhone and instead focused on reruns of Gilmore Girls.  Let it be said, Gilmore Girls is amazing.  Their references are on point and the ease of the narrative was perfect for me to rest to. 

I avoided the stage like the plague.  All for jealousy sake.  

This is what happens when we have a passion for something and push it to the side.  

It was fear.

Fear that I wouldn't ever sing, dance or act again. 

This year I am getting back into it.  It doesn't have to look like me moving to New York and pursuing the triple threat, it is me embracing this side of me and not feeling intimidated by that which also thrills me.

So far in 2016:

1.  I have joined a once a week intermediate Swing Dance Class.  The Follow Teacher is one I have not learned from before.  She is from another country and is bringing more skills into my dance repetoir.
2. I have joined a community choir to raise money for a Syrian refugee family.  They are singing through a famous musical and it is refreshing me on the technique of harmony and the rehearsal process.
3. I have picked out pieces and theory to work on the piano this Winter.  Finger excercies, Scale work, a contemporary piece, a worship song, & 2 classical pieces from a book I played years ago.  Going back to the basics. 

I can't talk enough about Pinterest.  It is my favourite form of inspiration.  It was years ago that I found Pinterest.  My best friend had told me about it and said that she was sure I would appreciate the site.  It took me a few weeks but eventually I looked it up and of course it wouldn't let me in.  At that time Pinterest was "elite" and you needed a friends referral.

"How are you not on Pinterest already?" my friend asked.

Half annoyed at her impatience I explained how I needed a referral.  She imediatly went in and requested me through email.

That is when I finally officially discovered pinterest.  Back then it was not as populated, used or known as it is today but there was also a mystery to it's wonder then.  Everything was like a shiny new magazine.  In that moment I abandoned my old scrapbooking ways and immediately switched to online pin boards that brought even more vision to my thoughts and concepts. 

Countless times I have had conversations with people and they have said it distracts them from doing what they want to be doing.  It overwhelms them with the amount of images and content, and it intimidates them.

With Pinterest it is all in how you use it.

Here is how I use Pinterest as a tool for living:

1) I streamline my content feed to my own preferences and interests.  

I go through all of the boards and Pinners I follow on a routine basis and make sure the only images that show up on my feed are exactly what I want to see.  With Pinterest, less can be more.  Now, Pinterest will also streamline for you, but the more streamline you are, the better your feed will be. 

2) My Boards are organized in a way that makes sense to me.  

For me it is : Amys Boards, Her Boards, She's Boards , Months, & lastly Shared Boards.  How you organize your boards are up to you, but I do suggest finding a method that works best for searching.  Alphabetical or order of importance are options. 

3) Use the 'like' button as a holding place for pins you are not sure about.  

Often times I will see a pin that says '5 ways to do ___' and I am not sure if I really want to pin it to a board so I 'like' it, check back in with it and it's link later before I pin it or unlike it. 

4) Find a routine that works for you.  

I have a few action items I do weekly through pinterest.  These are :  Food, D.I.Y./Activity, Monthly/Seasonal, Mama/Baby Activity.  Every week I pick a recipe I want to try, a new project I want to attempt or research, an activity to enjoy the season/month I am in, and one new activity to do with my daughter.  I do this because I never want pinterest to be full of "One days."  I want to stay active in trying new things and being inspired. 

5) Use Pinterest as an active vision board.  

Making vision boards is not a new thing.  For years the concept of scrapbooking, collecting, cutting and pasting has kept people inspired and interested in living.  My great grandmother had millions of articles, pictures and inspirational snippets cut out.   Use the concept that has been passed down to us to create an active inspirational spring board.  I have recently taken my favourite pins for envisioning 2016 and put them in a free online collage maker.  I know what the pictures mean and inspire in me but to someone else they may be different.

6) Have fun!  

Pinterest is not supposed to insite pressure or create new moms to feel scared of their childs first birthday party.  Making a full life is about using the tools around you to be happier and inspired.

Dearest twenty-sixteen,

I saw you across the room and my heart began to race.  I was arrested in the discovery of you and I must be honest, you have been escaping my grasp for far too long.

I have seen you in glimpses.  Here and there you have teased me.  A flirt at my expense and I know that to some degree I deserved this delay.  The chrysalids of my spirit was not yet ready for your obvious beauty.  I needed to walk the more complicated path, for life itself was teaching me the ways in which I needed to know I wanted and didn't want.

You may not know this yet, but, I believe we are meant for a partnership that will leave glitter in our wake.  Then again, the way you winked at me tonight when the clock turned 12:00am... maybe you know it too.

I want to dance with you like all the greatest of lovers do.  I want to listen to what you have to teach me like a student listens to their master, I want to run my fingers through your days like poet savers the lines in his poem.  I want to raise my voice and shout loud the words that we share.  

I am going to go all the way with you.  Like a secret love that can't be denied, I want to sit together our hands intwined and find the places in which no one else but us go.

Twenty-Sixteen, I have had other years, it's true.  You aren't the first, you are one of many.  Some good, and some not so bad.  Some were amazing.  Twenty-Twelve was a like holding hands with a drug addict.  I couldn't breathe, I could barely stand.  Twenty-Fourteen was like holding hands with a first-love.  Everything was blooming, evolving and becoming.  Twenty-Fifteen, well, she was like being tugged around by the hands of many.  Endless commentary on what I should or should not be feeling and doing, yet, only finding myself on those long walks and quiet.  Peace and quiet with just the baby girl and I.  No noise, no preconcieved ideas of how I would do my own life or look like, act like, be like... just the waves.  

So you see, twenty-sixteen, when I saw you across the room and we locked eyes, I was breathless.  There you were all glittery with a trail of gold behind you and I couldn't believe that it was me you were looking at.  I felt the heat of passion, hope and strength in my belly and I still feel it now as I recall the way you walked up to me.  Stopped inches from my lips.  You breathed on me, and I heard only two words in my head as I inhaled your scent.  "At Last".  

You smelled of blown out candles, salt ocean air, lavender fields and the end of bonfires.  I remember licking my lips in anticipation.  You waited until the very last second, until the last second of twenty-fifteen had left it's grip on me, and then you kissed me, full on the mouth.

I didn't think of anything in that moment.  No, I couldn't.  It was just this knowing that you were sent to me for a purpose and that somehow, our new connection will make ripples that only time will tell.

And thats when your kiss eneded.  I opened my eyes and you whispered.

"Hello,"

You never let me say anything in reply.  You simply winked one of your gorgeous eyes and went back to the wall I remember you leaning on.  But from that moment on, I stayed aware of you.  I am still aware of you.

You are here, and now I cannot ignore you.

"Hello."

Dearest Creatives everywhere,

I see potential in you.  I see you with your pocket full of creativity and I have a hard time containing myself.  I believe that everyone has a pocket of creativity and I believe it is those of us who dare to take what is in our pockets, look at what was inside, blow on it into the world who will flourish.

It is not about wether you can paint, write, draw, dance or sing.  Those are the words we have tagged on to a creative act, yes, but that leaves out other words.  There are words like, home, organize, engineer, lawyer, fashion, and cook.  These are also creative acts.  In fact, look at your life.  Your life is a creative act.  Because your life is making something.

So this 2016, I am taking a simple concept of what started as a group of women who met up once a month to share good food, wine and conversation about their creative questions, theories, work and more and I am blowing on it as if it was glitter in my hand.  

The Creatives is now not just a meet up, but a concept for a way of life.  This year I will be offering:

• Monthly Meet Ups: A monthly gathering of creative minded women to meet, listen and share. 
• A Book Club: A monthly book club meeting based on living creatively.  (4 books over the course of the year.)
• Seasonal Workshops: Four workshops led by creative and inspirational women. 
• A Retreat: Info TBA (Mid to late 2016)

And 

• Creative Mentoring Services: A four-step one-on-one program for those who want to boost their creative discovery, life and visions.

The Creatives started small, has grown, became small again, changed and evolved.  The size is not the point.  The point is for us to take what sparkle of creativity we have in our pockets and blow on it.  Give it the chance to catch a breeze and watch it land in a new and exciting location.

Join with me in the chrysalids of "The Creatives".

Amy Grace

Every year is a journey.  A chapter in our lives.

If I was to sum up this past year I would say: 

Wading through wreckage of real.  Wonder filled by miracle of birth.  Waiting on inspiration.

This year I have learned:

1) Always trust my intuition.  

Mama instincts are real, woman intuition is also a very real aspect of female functioning and to top that off with the interpreter training I have had to be highly aware of myself and those around me, I need to stop doubting myself.  If I feel strongly something isn't right for me or my family, it more than likely isn't.  Spending time feeling guilty for standing up for my instincts is a waste of my joy and health.

2) My body is a temple.  

There is nothing like pregnancy, birth and postnatal recovery that brought this discovery.  Nurturing my body for my daughters safety and then survival as a newborn has brought me to a place where I am driven by wellness instead of guilt.  What I put into my body will come out, and our bodies house our very spirits.  I want my whole self to leak light, health and truth.

3) I am intelligent.  

I have allowed for too long the idea that what I may lack is a reason for anyone to view me as unqualified, or unintelligent.  This is a lie and garbages what I have to offer to this world away.  I am a college diploma interpreter, certified and trained in theatre, student of piano for eight years, choir and musically trained vocalist, an intermediate Swing and Blues dancer, a natural baker, a beginner trained figure skater, and after all of that an untaught writer.  All of these elements of my expierence have created me to become a person who can speak on many topics and has the ability to create and work in the creative and academic environments that I step into.  I am capable and have more than enough to bring to the table.  

4) Life is precious.  

There is something about birthing a baby that gave me roots.  It's not about success, or how hard I have worked.  It is not about what I have written or if I sing well enough to move people.  It is not about the links, the videos, the pictures or what "I have done".  It's about wether or not I was present for the life I am living.  Creating a family has done wonders for my heart.  There has been a shift.  A focus.  The sound on my phone is always off and I guard my weeks to be anything but busy.  I would rather leave open spaces for the quiet moments and the not so rushed.  In the end, nobody thinks about the work they have done, but the people they loved.

5) Food brings me joy.  

As with most women, I have had a journey with food.  Eating too much sugar, not eating enough, forgetting to nourish my body in the way it needs.  Needless to say, the past few years of my life has been a journey back to food in the right way.  When I was hit with morning sickness and couldn't eat my normal diet I was crushed.  I didn't want any of it.  And although I didn't miss it then, a joy I had felt before in eating had left.  Recovering from birth Jeremy and I made a mission to introduce new and exciting foods into our diets.  And it was a journey that made me love food even more.  Food can be the best or worst thing for us.  It is all in how we use it.  

I will be taking a break this December to fast from media and mindfully consider the projects and work that I am being called to take on in 2016.  I sense a deepening and a call on my spirit to find the places and spaces that need me to go further for Grace, truth, inspiration and depth.  I am leaving my heart open to receive the inspiration as it filters in this next month and I sincerely hope that you join with me in 2016 to discover what it is that is there waiting.

There is a sparkle in the unknown and I am captivated by it.

May you look for the sparkle trail that is left for each of us like crumbs that leads to a banquet table.  May you listen to the Spirit and collapse in understanding when this beautiful life unfolds one precious day at a time.

 

Amy Grace 

Nicole Payzant Photography

The first six months:

New little family.  New little home.

Being parents to this little fire cracker is the biggest blessing and honour.  

We knew it was going to change us better and new, but we didn't realize how much we would change.  She has changed us.  

Her spirit upon conception filled me.  I felt her before I knew of her.   As her movements became normal to me, I took her in and felt her rythm and pace.  She was her own beat and I knew that this daughter was going to come out different, new and wonder-filled. 

I prayed then, and we pray now as we zip her into her sleep sac, wrap her up in her favourite yellow blanket, kiss her and pass her her beloved 'purple guy' which she grabs and pulls his blanket body over her face. 

"We pray you have a strong voice, an ability to discern and a strong sense of self."

So we parent this daughter who howls at any amount of disgruntlement, keeps eyes wide open for the world around her, and who leaves us amazed at what she is affected by.

It is she who is teaching us.

We are learning daily what it means to be present and aware.  We are aiming to not just suggest a healthy lifestyle, but to model it.  To model it, we have to be disciplined and determined of our own lives. 

Raising her is already days full of laughter, cries and outbursts of singing.  We are blessed beyond belief with her presence and we can only pray and continue to stubbornly demonstrate the life we want her to know.

What we have learned so far is that parenthood is not about you or about us.  Parenthood is about each unique spirit that is placed in the parents hands to raise up in a way that matches the unit that is created.  It is a her, him and I type of journey.  Each child is unique and each little family different.  

May we honour this journey and never take the blessing of her life for granted.  

We have gotten that crisp Autumn in our veins.  

We went deep.

We gathered small this time.  We gathered with our real and our raw and sometimes that leaves some of us breathless.  

We hesitate with our words, our art hangs in the balance of our honest moments and yet somehow blending it with others interrupts us from our safe place.

We are safe, yet we are in danger.

Us women who gathered were in danger of collapsing into what we are all scared of.

Judgement.

The pain and anguish of releasing ourselves into a wild feminine unknown.  Like lionesses we are barring our proverbial teeth, blood dripping with the kill and we have to protect ourselves from those who want what is rightfully ours to bring to the pack.

This may seem dramatic in words... this imagery of female prowess but in truth? It is not.

We Creatives are powerhouses of creation and the spirits we house are wild, daring, seductive and striking.  

Each woman different and dynamic addition to 'our pack'.  

A creative sits on the divide between pain and ecstasy.  We may differ in how we choose to label it, discuss it or entertain it, but it is there just the same.

This month the creatives entered the divide and we came out on the other side one step closer to comprehending what it is we have pitted ourselves up against.

These are the warrior women I am proud to welcome into my home.  These are the spirits who strive to take the divide and make it seen.

I stand in the elements with these wild ones.  

A new location by the water.

Connected and reconnected.

We began the night by gathering in the kitchen and sharing in introductions, catching up and getting comfortable.  It's the way of gatherings.  First, you gather.  Then you can go deep.

"Why do we hermit?  Good or bad?"  I asked.  The night unfolded.

We've been hermits in our work or from the outside world for various reasons.  No matter the reasons, we often fall into prolonged hermitting due to the fear we have allowed in our lives.

The labels we have allowed and are working to scrub off.  We are actively choosing to be who we believe we are.  Who we were called to be.  And yet we walk everyday in atmospheres, clothes and maybe even relationships that feel old and stuffy.  

Questions swirl:

Where are my real friends?

What is my real job?

What is my 'thing' right now?

Does it matter?

???

In a way, yes, it matters very much.

In another way.  It doesn't.

Who we are in this moment, today, is what matters.

As one smart woman put it: "Confidence: if you are something, you just are.  This is what I am."

Taking the time and space to begin to connect with our spirits and hearts to find out who it is we feel called to be will create that confidence.  It's an inner knowing that surpasses any judgement, label or preconceived notion of who we are.

Creativity is all around us, and we want to go to the next level.

Join the Creatives in October to level up with us!

We arrived into Barkton place with very little insight into what 'real life' was.  

I acted rashly in my new freedom of choice.

He stayed secluded.

We both...struggled.

Struggled in our early twenties to find some sort of balance in a life we had no idea about.

And there was one desperate prayer we made.  One desperate plea to a God we could barely believe existed after such trauma and degradation of our spirits

"Make this a place of life.  A place of thriving spirits.  Make us understand each other and bring healing here."

And over the months that two bedroom, one and a half bathroom apartment became a hub.

Our couches became worn with the bodies that stayed over night for comfort.  Our kitchen was filled with food, drink and conversation.  Our walls leaked music and dance.  

Dance partner came for practice, friends came for creative conversation, cousins came to stay overnight, words of affirmation and encouragement overflowed and our door '305' became a number referenced in conversations.  

Barkton Place blossomed into a haven and a safety net for our friends.  For us.

We grew.  We learned.  We were blessed.

Blessings overturning into blessings.

And now that Barkton Place has been left behind we embark on a new journey of setting up a new home.

"What kind of couple are we?" I asked the one girl who saw us through all of these changes.

"I don't need to answer this for you.  You already know." She responded.

"No I don't."  But really, I did.  My spirit knew, but I wanted to hear it aloud.

"You are makers...you are ... you both embody what home is.  You are East Coast Lifestylers."

And that is what we have become.  Jeremy and I.

We have been enriched by our home.  Our roots.  We are enriched by those who have passed through our doors.

May our new home off the shores of Halifax be as open as Barkton Place became.  May our daughter be blessed by the musicians, the food and the freedom that we have found in passing grace as easily as we pass the bread and the wine.  May we allow this new home to be transformed into a new chapter of abundance, discovery and discovery.  

Change is inevitable yet at times it can throw us off guard.  Even when change is good how do we deal with it?

This is how I do change:

1) Identify initial reaction and embrace it.  

Knowing how I feel about something is empowering and imperative for me to work through what 'it' all means.  Wether I need to yell, cry or take my own 'time out', I do it.   Often times when change happens we can react our own fears and confusion of emotions on others.  I try my best to react in a safe and appropriate environment.

2) Grieve the loss/change.  

When things change on me, it often means there was something else I thought would happen.  We can't ignore that part of ourselves, but we can't let it rule us either.  Take a moment to feel those emotions, light a candle, blow it out and move on.

3) Make a game plan.

Nothing makes me feel out of control than not having a plan.  Plans can alter and change, but ultimately I thrive by putting a plan for the change in place as soon as possible.  Wether it's making a daily schedule, or a few fun goals, I thrive by challenging myself with new ideas, goals, routines etc.

4) Celebrate!  

Change is always good if we embrace it fully.  Just because something isn't as you thought it would be doesn't mean that our original expectations are better than the reality.  Reality is what you make it.  If something is different than I thought, I make use of the different.

5) Declare it!  

When something changes and I am walking in the change, I have learned that shouting it from the rooftops is an amazing way for me to walk in positivity and enthusiasm.