This room has been a work in progress.  As a family, we call it "The Creative Room".  Personally, I call it "My writers room".  This is where I write, muse and make it all happen.

DESK

This desk was a labour of love for me.  I saved for two years to be able to afford it.  I saw it on Pinterest one day and promised myself that I would find a way to buy it.  I adore it's simplicity and it's ability to store my materials.

TROLLY

Another Pinterest find, I noticed that many bloggers were using this IKEA trolly for their art supplies.  IKEA was not yet in Halifax, Nova Scotia at the time so I again, had to set aside the money for shipping (which can be absolutely ridiculous considering the cost or sale of an item) Currently it holds all of Z's creative supplies I am okay with her having anytime access to. (markers etc are stored on shelf)

CHAIR

From IKEA.  My family blessed me recently this year with the perfect chair support.  Being that I have a unique desk, chairs have been hard to match with it.  This chair is perfect for my back, trendy, comfortable and has the adjustable height I need.

POSTERS

From the two shows I have written and produced.  Hanging them above my work space is a reminder that I have written impactful work, that I am capable of excelling and improving with each project and that it is worth the work it takes.  I am incredibly proud of what I have accomplished and I think we should all aim to encourage one another in the dreams and visions we aspire to.  

ACCESSORIES

Twinkle lights, photos of my best friends, a hidden 'Peter Rabbit 'A'' from my mom, a vintage key, a soft mat for my feet, a compass for Grace, seasonal scented candle  are all elements that create an atmosphere for me that boost me, motivate me and embolden me,.  

 

Part of my job as a writer is to be okay with the parts in-between. 

In truth, I am not the biggest fan of waiting.  Of editing, of asking, of risking.  Can't someone else do that for me?  

Maybe one day, I'll have a life where I can just sit and focus on the creation and let others deal with the 'making-it-have-a-life-off-the-page' stage, but for now, I have to be a leader in that process.  Which means facing fears and being okay with the waiting.

So I wrote a letter to myself over the application I am waiting to hear about.  Knowing I should have an answer soon, the anxiety is rising.  What will I do If I don't get the money I asked for to do this?  What will I do if I don't feel that the association I believe is my only chance, doesn't believe in me?  

And thats when I heard it.

You celebrate. 

You celebrate if you got the funding, and celebrate if you didn't.  Because in the end, it's not about where the funding comes from, it's about the fact that I did something.  I tried.  I put together the best proposal I could, and I know that what I have to offer is worthy despite the results.  

I celebrate either way.  Because I didn't just sit and wish, I got up and I risked failure and I risked disappointment.  

That is worth celebrating as much as any perceived success.

A conversation with another woman writer put it all out on the table.  A woman who weaves words and intellect with ease and precision.  A woman who crafts excellence in her speech in a way I am left in awe.

How goals, inspiration and lifestyle are intertwined as one.

With the Seasons

We have rythms and flows to our years, our internal sense of self and the atmosphere around us.  Setting goals/aspirations that match these rhythms will not only empower us to embrace the now, but to belong in tempo with the life around us.

For me: Once a week family skates, balanced meals in the duration of the week

With the Growth

We often , upon reflection can sense how we have grown and where we want to grow next.  To take pause and reflect gives us time to identify these things and to grow is a beautiful thing.  Although painful and at times difficult, our growth allows us to embrace a journey that ultimately delivers peace and joy.  We were made to grow every day more into who we were made to be.

For me: To attend more workshop opportunities and industry events, to keep a prayer journal

With the Inspirations

Individualistic tendances to be moved by different elements.  What inspires one, may not inspire another.  To be moved by something is a good indication that one is aching to discover more of what that element is.  Enjoy the discovery!

For me: To explore morning and evening rituals, continue curating and creating a balanced diet with various meals and dining experiences.

Our inidivual ways in which we find ourselves within our growth continues the ability to evolve and become whole. 

I love this because it is as unique to me as it is unique to you.  

Find what works for you and embrace your growth. 

COURAGE

Any creative driven person knows that in order to be creative, one has to have a certain amount of courage.

Especially in the culture and society we live in today, we are only honoured in our work as creatives if we have done something spectacular and are known for it.   It can be daunting to take the time away from the other aspects of life to 'create', let alone try to tell ourselves and others that we have something worth saying/showing.

THE BATTLE

It's an unspoken truth amongst creatives that in order for us to create we must prepare and go into battle despite our fears in order to get to our creative inspiration.  Some days, this is easier than others.  Other days, this is an uphill battle  

Sounds dramatic, but it remains true.  

From a personal experience, I can say that if I am working on anything and making anything it means that my discipline and my courage are in full use. 
 

HOW?

IDENTIFY FEAR EXISTS

I acknowledge that fear wants to drive me and then I don't give it space to.  I say no to negative people, thinking, music anything that brings up dread and self-doubt.  I shut it down and focus on the calling. 

KNOW MY FLOW

I work when I know I am in my best energy.  For me, early morning and early evening.  If I am working, I block off time to transition from my other roles.  I cant simply go from handling a screaming toddler to writing my next best scene.  I have to allow my heart, spirit and mind to align themselves and this needs time.

STAY IN CONTACT WITH BOLSTERING PEOPLE

Whenever I am about to go into creative battle, I message my best friends.  I tell them I am about to battle and am going to accomplish these specific creative tasks and I know they are covering me with prayer, support and often send me those little emojis, words, images I needed.  And they do because they are warriors themselves. 

SET THE ATMOSPHERE

Atmosphere is one of my biggest motivators.  The right playlist the right beverage, the right outfit, lighting and I can sit keeping the creative oil burning for longer than my bladder wants to hold itself.

INSPIRATIONS

Surrounding myself with inspirations.  Media that is empowering, articles fo other women like me doing it, images from the internet that encapsulate a feeling I am trying to grasp.  The right desktop wallpaper... I find it everything that surrounds me.

STANDING MY GROUND

The truth is, when I am working on a project, I am highly suseptable to the negativity of others and the world around me.  I am working double time to quell that fear on my shoulder to have courage enough to write and when I feel that negative presence, be it a persons outlook, an expectation, passive aggressive behaviour, a negative article, facebook rants, or even just my own battle with resentment I will run in the other direction.  Figuratively and spiritually I see it as running and taking my imaginary pen in my hand and striking the ground and saying "NO!  I am capable.  I am strong, I can do this and I have a calling to do this and that negativity is not from the One who made me." 

It's like working double time, but what comes out of pressing in and pursuing the call is a strength and joy I absolutely need and want more of in my life.  That is why I stand my ground.  

 

One thing I have constantly followed and believed in life, is that each step takes care of itself.

It's that realizing that God has my deepest dreams and visions in the palm of His hands and that I am called to dream deep, stay open to the depth I need to access and trust that as I journey through life the steps will become clear as I explore.

A week from today I will be experiencing the first reading of my first pilot episode for television.  Still early stages and this feels important.  It will be the first of the script coming alive and although I know that this project has many hurdles, steps and metamorphosis to take before it finds it's place in this world, this is a step that will teach me and mold me.

No matter what life this project has, it does not determine the calling.  I trust that the life of this project will breathe and pass on when it's time has come.  

I trust that this next step will be another step in the long journey to come.

I am so thankful to have a writing and creative partner in Kirstin Howell and I am thankful that taking that leap of faith to apply for training from WIFT-AT has brought me where I am today. 

One step at a time.

Over the next weeks I will spending hours pouring over what worked this year and what didn't work.  Business, creativity and delivery is constantly shifting.  2017 has been a ton of learning and stepping into an industry as a writer I would not have deemed possible.  

But here I am.  Building my tribe, finding the collaborators and finding the avenues in which my writing can thrive.  

Part of the vision planning is doing a complete website change.  This means byamygrace will be shut down for the month of December and will be returning in January with a fresh new take that will match the current work I have stepped into.  

This is the exciting stuff.  The set up for launching into 2018.  The quiet calm before the storm.  A beautiful storm.

This is important.  It's so easy to breeze past these thoughts and real life living because it's not as glitzy as the 'on the go', sexy snaps of #writerlife or #familylife.  It's the in-between.  The moments that are missed that give the fuller picture. 

Posted on Instagram:

"Here's the real...
.
Nothing worth it comes easy & the juggle is real. It's a toddler table next to the work desk. It's the episode planning on a wall next to a box of play-dough. It's the full time mothering and running out to a meeting with the best partner in crime. It's the struggling with the fear & the pushing and pulling apart of the work. 
I am a full time mother. 
I am a full time writer. 
My brain is going in a million ways daily and I know that I was made for this. 
But the real is that I have had to let go of some wonderful things. I dance less, I miss out on events, I let people down just by trying to be both mother and writer. 
I wouldn't trade it. The exhausting days with a teething toddler & the evenings with glittering lights around my desk begging me to go meet my dreams. Walking to the park in the morning to be spirited and free and then driving out to a meeting to be badass and a bit edgy. 
Thankful for the spirits who come along side my wild and independence and give me the permission to explore, work hard and raise a wild soul. 
This is my real insane happy life."

And I am thankful.  

For the journey.
For the support around me.
For the inspirations.
For the experiences.
For the colleagues.

Staying feet planted on the ground and spirit reaching for the depths.  

It's no secret I spend many a week night at my desk. I have forever been an 'early morning' or 'evening' creative.  My thoughts are clearest after a workout or when the sun begins to set.  It's the way I have always been.  Naturally, as a writer, I capitalize on knowing this about myself.  

Five years ago I began what I call "Write Nights".  It started when I wrote my first play.  "The Chronicles of the Dramatics Society".  I knew I wanted to pursue the project and so I chose a few nights a week (At that specific time, I would go to 'Obladee' downtown) and write all evening.  That process was magical to me and really helped me understand the process of writing which worked best for me.  

My next project didn't get past the editing stage, but I began to enforce these "Write Nights" with any project onward that I would work on.  

Write Nights can start as early as 5pm but no later than 7:30pm and always end no earlier than 10pm.  If I am truly on a roll it edges close to 11pm.  But so often I find that even if I am on a roll I want to end on a high note and feel that creative surge in my veins when I leave the desk.  

They also always must consist of a beverage even if only water, but I adore it when wine or coffee is a possibility.  I light my 'writing candle' during the times I write and use a string of battery operated string lights from time to time.  

The sound track is essential.  Generally, the music I play must be in theme of my projects.  Currently that would mean a '1920s-1940s' Jazz playlist or a 'femme fatale' playlist.

Write Nights are my version of creative bliss and I however one finds their creative bliss / time, always elaborate on it and make it as alluring for your spirit as possible.  
 

An alley way of stories of change to discover....

I was thrilled to be connected with Sarah Conn who is the co-creator and producer along with co-creator Allison O'Conner of 'Trophy'.

A beautiful installation pop up project that collaborates with others in the community to share stories of change.

Being a writer/performer, I jumped at the chance to experience this unique installation as a 'storyteller'.  I asked a few close friends which of my life changing moments would translate well in a four minute telling and then I joined ranks with Sarah and Allison and the others for Nocturne Halifax 2017.  

Sharing my story of change over and over again to different people in a small intimate setting, I found that I gained a deeper awareness of how we adjust our stories along with their intentions to match our audience.  This is a simple concept for many writers and performers but so often forgotten the fray of our making and formulating of the work.

I found I also realized how blessed I was to have had that specific experience that I so often take for granted.  I was changed in that moment again and again, simply by the retelling.  Which is why storytellers do what they do, isn't it?  We want to relive that experience for ourselves, for others and for those that deeply need to hear it.

Trophy gave me, as a storyteller, a deeper connection with my audience and I am so thankful for Sarah and Allison who have been touring this piece.  It truly is a moving experience for both teller and listener. 

The tent where I shared my story of a 'Cuban Taxi driver who changed my life with three words:  'I am Happy'.  

Motivation isn't always an easy element to find.  In life, as emotional and dynamic human beings we are often affected by our atmospheres and circumstances.  We can wake up feeling energized only to hours later feel the empowerment drain from our bodies and spirits.  

Discipline hasn't always come easy for me, but I remember when I started to really understand it.  

I was in highschool and something in me wanted to learn how to figure skate.  I barely knew how to skate forwards let alone attempt a simple waltz jump.  But there was something in that sport I loved.  A combination of artistry, athleticism and determination.  

Discipline.  

To be an athlete you have to be disciplined.  I put in the time of joining a class of 4-6 year olds, being the single sixteen-year-old amidst them, our helmets on and learning the simple basic elements of skating.  I showed up at the rink during my free periods, after school and on weekends I started realizing that not only was I loosing weight, feeling fit, learning a skill I was aching to learn, I was also learning what it took to be disciplined. 

Elements of Discipline
 

Show Up

When you have a dream, goal, vision, desire, the first step is showing up.  That is LITERALLY 50% of the battle.  Then you do the work.  It could be sucky ass work.  It could be work that isn't showing any progress but it ALL counts.  

Set the Atmosphere

Whatever it is you are trying to do, it can't be done well if the atmosphere goes against it.  As a writer, for me, this looks like dressing the way I think my type of writer would dress, keeping a tidy and clean desk space so I can get to work at a moments inspiration, having a scented candle to light while I write, a fuzzy mat for my toes and fun mugs for my coffee.  It means having a Living Room that is centred around stories, sharing and music, it means having healthy meals pre-made so I can think less and yet still be wooed by my palate.  Think about what you are trying to do and all the elements that can come along side to support it.  

Quality Over Quantity

We live in a world of excess so it's easy to get distracted with the events, requests, desires and life going on around you.  The truth is, the work is always better when it is given quality attention.  You can put time in that is empty of value because it had less than half your true attention.  Reach for the quality.  For me, that means three solid writing sessions a week.  I get more done in those single three sessions than if I had five.

Tailor Life

So many expectations from others, yourself and circumstances.  What is important is that any distractions and unnecessary elements to the work is stripped away.  This means saying no.  Saying no to things you might be relieved to say no to and saying no to things that might be hard to say no to.  

Give Grace & Move On

& there are times when we are just completely overwhelmed, shocked or hindered because of how life treats us.  We just can't do it today.  That is okay.  That is when we give ourselves Grace and keep going.  Let yourself feel it, experience the grace and then move on and get back to it. 

WOMAN WHO HAVE INSPIRED ME IN DISCIPLINE

Tessa Virtue

Ellie Knaus

Hannah Brencher

FROM AN INSTAGRAM POST

I wanted to re-share this because I have found it come back to me again and again.  As creators, as women, as humans, we need to honour each other.  It isn't always easy, but the truth is, that is what gets us places.  When we stop trying to tell each other what 'we think', and we listen.  Truly listen.  Wait for the other to ask for advice, thoughts, feedback before filling it in and listen to what they are saying. Truly listen.  Not just their words, but their voice, their body langauge, their eyes.  

"My first professional career taught me to be critical. To give feedback and put the integrity of the message before myself. At first glance, great. In real time, there was no honour of the person behind the work. No true belief that a person was putting forth the best of them self. 
As a writer & as a performer it always amazes me how seeking out feedback, critique and growth from peers and mentors grows the work in major bounds by the mere honouring of each other. 
When we posture ourselves to believe the best and to honour the spirit in front of us, we give opportunity for real growth. Not just in the work, but in the soul. 
I have learned more in what it means to be humble and honouring in the past 4 years pursuing my craft as a writer/performer than as a graduate working in a "professional" career. .
I still have so much to learn, and I hope to be as honouring and real as the peers/mentors I have found along the way. "

Character Development is what motivates me in my writing, reading and watching of film and television.

I am sure it has driven my close people a bit nuts to listen to me poke holes in plots as I watch/read them, and even more so when I see a character that doesn't hold up.

People are complex and layered.  Showing that through the written and performance mediums is easier said then done and I will be the first to say that the art form of character development is a craft I am still learning.

Over the past few months I have been working alongside Kirstin Howell to develop strong female characters for a television series.  I am consistently challenged by her edits to develop these women to be multi-dimentional.  

As a society we like stereotypes because they are easier to understand and quick to put together.  Thats the problem, people are not easy to understand and there are layers upon layers of life that create a person to be who they are and to do the things they do.  No one is just one stereotype.  We may be born to have certain personality traits and certain ways of doing life, but that doesn't mean we can't divert from that.  In fact, more often than not, we do.  

Through this process I am learning to challenge what I think of my characters and admit that as a writer I don't know everything that informs their decision yet and I may never will.  Writers are not God, they are conduits for a story that the characters speak from.  I think anyone who has written for the integrity of the story realizes that they are there to serve the characters and their story.  
 

The writer serves the characters, the characters don't serve the writer. 

The fun part of my work is that this all applies to real life.  I can only assume that I will never know the whole of a person, but I can be present with them and with myself.  I can allow myself to believe that we are more complex than an 'assumption'.  Life isn't as simple as a statement or a stereotype.  Life goes deep and we'd better be ready to get dirty in the process.  

Strong Characters I Adore:
 

Jane Eyre - Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
Christina Yang - Greys Anatomy by Shonda Rhymes
Aibileen Clark - The Help by Kathryn Stockett
Phillip Jennings - The Americans by Joe Weisberg
Sansa Stark - Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin

Making things a little more personal around here with a monthly newsletter.

Heres this months newsletter to get a taste:
SEPTEMBER

Being in the throws of writing drafts of work can be dull, dreary and completely draining. 

Truthfully, I don't have time for dull, dreary or draining anymore so I knew that somehow I had to find some gold in the draft making process.  

Here is the Gold I have found thus far:

A collaborator who wants to come alongside the work, share in the creative process and challenge the work to become what it needs to be.

I should have realized this years ago, but it is always a tad scary to share an idea / concept you are beginning to work on for fear the sparkle will be shot down.  Any creative person knows that an inspiration can be completely dissamated within it's infancy purely out of lack of protection from the wrong influences.  The right influence however, can truly bloom the work and become a collaborative process that drives you and the work forward.

An absolute planned and allotted 'I-mean-buisness-and-this-is-happening-now' session for writing/editing.  

I often find, that logistical edits are best made in the morning with coffee, creative edits/changes/nueances are made best in the evening with candle and wine, while scrolling through edits and notes are best made whenever the time presents itself and however you are wherever you are.

Setting the tone and wooing myself to the work.  

Lighting a candle, pouring a beverage, playing music that fits the tone of the work, dressing to mean business, tidying the work space...all of it, brings an air of mystery into the process.  A 'who knows what will happen here, but it is going to be epic' atmosphere.

When I step away, step away.  

Truly enjoy the break of thinking when the work is not in front of me.  Do other things amidst it all and allow the time of meeting the work to be like meeting with a lover after a long day. 

Over the past two months I have been working on two scripts.  

One is a pilot episode and the other is forming into a possible stage piece.  Much of the beginning stages of writing, for me, is sitting with it.  It sounds a bit lazy but in truth,

I need a lot of sitting time.  

I close my door, listen to mood music, create vision boards for the projects and exist with it.  I surround myself with as much inspiration as I can.

This is what I have been doing.

___

This week I attended a screen writing class to prep for an application for a short film.  In truth, I am not sure if I have anything for that particular project, but placing myself in the atmosphere of other creaters is what I need to be doing more.

So I am.

Heres the thing.

I write.

I tell myself this everyday because I forget.

Other people help me forget by not treating me like a writer.  Other times, I help myself forget by not treating myself as a writer.

But I am.  

So that is that.  

I write.

I write here.

I write plays.

I write screenplays.

I write short quotations on Instagram.

I write and I write.

Looking for inspiring notebooks after a meeting...

I have begun to collaberate with a group of women on a potential project.  It means we meet together on an almost bi-weekly basis and come together with our skills.

It's quickly being revealed to me, that this collective process is a vulnerable one.  Where you have to relinquish your understanding of yourself into a group mentality and allow your thoughts to be witnessed by the whole.

So far I have learned:

Be Humble.
 

As much as we are all experts in our own fields, talents and previous experiences, coming together for a 'new' idea, requires the ability to set that aside and see what a 'collective' of these skills brings forth.

Be Open.

It's easy to be resistant to what we aren't good at, or perceive to be skills we don't have or aren't interested in.  Coming together often means being open to grow in new areas and taking on something we might not find easy or natural to us.

Be Imaginative.

Thinking outside the box and realizing that in the beginning stages anything can go.

Be Constructive.

It's important to bring constructive thoughts to the table.  Thinking and communicating in a way that brings unity, depth and understanding is important.  Especially in the beginning stages, how we interact and honour each other in ideas sets the tone.

Be Yourself.

Ultimately, be your glorious and unique self.  You wouldn't be at the table if you did not have your qualities and skills backing you up. A collective is about how each individual brings something to the table and that is your job, to be equally confident and humble enough to know what that is.

*I'll be posting on and off about the journey of my own collective experience over time.  
Stay tuned!!

Part of my project this summer is to interview relevant people.  Mostly I am interviewing family, but I also am seeking out the relative persons who have a different perspective on this specific topic.  

It's a bit daunting to approach people, even family members.  Asking them questions.  Questions I know that for them may be personal or even hard to discuss.  For me, it's not about the dirt or the messy complexities that are inevitable.  For me, it's about that gold you get when you look at all sides of something.  Someone. 

To do my work properly I need to be brave enough to probe, respectful enough to relinquish control and perceptive enough to see the angles and depth.  It's a multi dimensional thing.  This thing we call writing.  Creating.  

Making something.  Out of nothing. 

Looking at the surface and not just admiring it's beauty but wanting to get to the depth of where it came from.  I think we were all created to ask questions, doubt, praise and get thrills from the unknown.  We were never made to know everything.  But we were made to reach. 

So I will be reaching for that little bit of Gold we couldn't see beneath the surface. 

This Summer I am minimizing distractions and focusing in on two specific projects.  This means a lot of time at my desk and a lot of time learning formatting programs and editing skills.  

Both of these projects are women centred and focus on highlighting women through story, history and project creation.

I will be updating on my progress here and starting in July, monthly newsletters.

I am aiming to develop two specific pieces that bring multi-dimensional women to the spotlight and in one project specifically, to give a voice to how personality stereotypes limit our understanding of ourselves and others.  

Women supporting women isn't just a hashtag, it's a force to be reckoned with and I hope that as I bring life to these two pieces I will be able to align this work and myself with women who will breathe life into it and me.  

Heres to the ones who dream.  

In the world of female creative entrepreneurs it can be hard to find and create an atmosphere for coming together in work.  Be it working in different mediums, being in different life stages or how many projects each are balancing.  The struggle is often finding a way to create a space to honour each others work and skills in a productive manner.

I am in the process of learning how to embrace and honour the women around me whom I have fallen into, chosen to and seek out work relationships with.

Honour and grace are two themes I feel have taken root into my heart for these relationships.  I want to honour the skill set of these women.  I want to pass grace when I feel misunderstood or I have mis-stepped.  I want to enter into partnerships that are about depth, growth, building each other up and giving insight into the work we do on a creative and inspiring level.  

It can be a scary journey.  To begin to align yourself with others and combine your skills to make something collaborative or even just to support each others work, but I think thats where the real stuff lies.  Building each other up and not feeling intimidated by the intelligence and creativity of another.  That we all have room at the table together.  

"WRITERS ARE DANGEROUS PEOPLE
Never take a writer for granted.
They are snipers armed with words.
They know how to aim with sentences.
How to fire with paragraphs, and
how to immortalize their kills in verse."
- Nakita Gill

I am heading into a summer of writing and spending a lot of time in here.  

Currently, I am getting it ready so that my focus can be maintained in this space.  Minimizing clutter, reviewing notes and making sure that even the candle I light is exactly the type of scent that will inspire me.  

These may seem like simple silly things, but I am an atmospheric writer.  I write best when I set the stage.  Past posters of two of my plays above me to remind me that I have done a thing or two, pictures of two women who have seen me through the worst and the best, an ampersand ornamental to remind me that there is always more to come and a fluffy mat for my bare feet in the early morning or evening.

For my deep and fun loving toddler, I have an Ikea table and chairs, with various creative elements and toys at her disposal.  The IKEA cart with various supplies 'crayons, play dough, paints, colouring books, etc).  Daily we come in here and practice what it means to give your creative self a ponder.  

Next time, I will show you my desk at a closer look when I have the appropriate camera to capture it.  For now, this will do.