Leonardo da Vinci [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

“Renaissance |ˈrenəˌsäns, -ˌzäns|
the revival of art and literature under the influence of classical models in the 14th–16th centuries.
• the culture and style of art and architecture developed during this era.
• (as noun a renaissance) a revival of or renewed interest in something: rail travel is enjoying a renaissance.”

— New Oxford American Dictionary

"You have only been an unemployed for two work days.  You have no reason to stress out, engineers wait for months for work.  You are two days into this."  He had said.

I snuff, turning over.  Easy for all of them to say with their degrees and fancy knowledge. I think to myself. 

And then like a whisper.

"You are intelligent." I remember her words as I learned this past year.

"You know, I replied into the darkness, 'in renaissance times artists never worried about the status of employment... they were offered food, and a roof over their heads to pursue their work no questions asked.  They studied with their master artists like apprentices and once they learned those skills they themselves became artists...and they were employed by anyone and everyone."

"You know what you need?  A 'patron'."  He echoed with the word that reverberated in my mind.

"Exactly!"  I quickly replied back.

I stopped.  

Wait, thats it.  

Renaissance, a time when artists congregated, lived, thrived, explored and found.

That is what I need to be.  Sure, we all need to eat, but what is the renaissance artist?

“Rise of the artist depended on a number of non-aesthetic factors.

1. Patrons of the Renaissance were more than people of power – they were also learned and cultivated.
2. Households were hospitable to all kinds of learned individuals: poets, philosophers, mathematicians and scholars.
3. Into this world the most privileged artists were admitted.
- Artists continued to work with their hands, but they could be forgiven the paint stains on their clothes if they knew the manners of the court, understood the conversation, and could contribute in the way of ideas.
- Painters and sculptors were anxious to show they were educated people – closer to poets and philosophers – people who did not soil their hands. At least, they might be considered closer to architects, who were known to be able to command theoretical knowledge.”

— http://www.uwgb.edu/malloyk/lecture_6.htm

Two points resonate: 

• The artists of the Renaissance had a higher purpose:
• They wanted to make art means of searching for the meaning of existence.

Thus begins a  2014 writers embarkment on a renaissance artist journey!  What can the renaissance way teach us?  What can it possibly show us in regards to collaborating with our community, our society, our families and friends?  What can it teach us to not do?  

A Millennia collision with a Renaissance Way.

What a difference a table can create.  After much labour of love "Barkton Place" home D.I.Y. Project was completed and the table with six chairs now was covered in food and glasses of wine and other beverages.  New faces and old faces attended this gathering and we were all relieved to finally share in another friday night together.

This month was the beginning of change in a lot of these lives.  In all this hustle and bustle of creativity, each artist was going through some sort of development in their work.  

Even waiting.

Waiting in and of itself is development.  What develops while you wait, for one soon to be architect student, is the growth of what that outcome will have.  

Interested to see how these women were dealing with their need to hold in / share / communicate their work or lack thereof , a question was posed.

"As an Artist/Creative, what does it mean to have a safe person to share with?  Do you have one?"

Mostly stemmed from my own discoveries and revelation from Julia Camerons' "Walking in this World" 

"One of the trickiest issues in a creative life is the issue of private support and encouragement for our creative leaps - no matter how they are received.  As artists, we do not need private adulation, but we do need before, during, and after friends, those people who love and accept us no matter what our current creative shape and size.  We need friends who understand that a creative success may bring an onslaught of pressures nearly as devastating as a creative failure."

The responses:

• "I have a safe few people but it was a journey to discover who is enriching to your life and who isn't.  For me, It's more about who is a positive more than a negative."
• "Having a safe person to talk to, is as simple as life or life.  Death perhaps not in a physical sense, but mentally, emotionally...it allows you to keep moving - When you would otherwise be stuck.  Without movement in the creative mind, there can be utter confusion and stagnant waters.  Having a safe person continues the ebb and flow of the creative tide."
• Having someone to share your ideas and be confident that they will be honest with their opinions.

Our discussion weaved in and out of topics and we agreed that being able to vent when confusion comes while having someone who will give advice to get you back on track is imperative.

It is in the knowing who to go to.  You don't need to get all from one person.  In having 'safe people' to go through the process of being a creative, is taking the time to know yourself and know who you need to talk to in the moment. 

The thing with unsafe people who can say damaging things to our inner artist child, is that they are not being deliberate (for the most part).  Most of those lovely people, are simply not equipped or made to be aware or sensitive to the process that we are going through in that moment. 

Neptune Theatre ‏@NeptuneTheatre

“relish |ˈreliSH|
noun
great enjoyment ... liking for or pleasurable anticipation of something”

— New Oxford American Dictionary

rel·ish

 noun \ˈre-lish\

: enjoyment of or delight in something

Working with a director is a privedlge and one can never be sure how a director directs.  This journey into Spring Awakening has been an inspiring and extremely riveting one.  He is a director who wants work "to breathe" and take on a life of its own.  He gives room for skill to be flexed and glittered.

On the last session of 'notes' that he gave, he said something that caught in the air and then slowly drifted down, resting on us all as our tired bodies sunk into the seats and imagined what opening night would be.

His words went something like this:

"I would do yourself a favour now and not do anything else but this (Spring Awakening shows) until it is done.  As a student, I always religiously took off show times so I could relish in the expierence and everything it entails."

I was enraptured.

Yes, I would most definitely do nothing but relish in this expierence, and that is what being in the midst of art means.

To enjoy, 

To delight in

To relish.

Call it what you will: art, creativity,

Life as a whole...

Let us relish in the experience of every art piece we see, do, experience and have.

Life is art

And 

Art is life

That means every moment is to be relished.

Shadow Birds in flight...

Remember verb \ri-ˈmem-bər\

: to have or keep an image or idea in your mind of (something or someone from the past) : to think of (something or someone from the past) again

: to cause (something) to come back into your mind

: to keep (information) in your mind : to not forget (something)

Creating is a process of movement, and there is nothing stationary about a writers year in tandem with seasons.  A fluid moving ocean with swells, waves and stills.

It is on this twenty fifth day of life that I turn and look behind me.  

A far distance from a story that almost wrecked health, relationships, and sanity.  Caught in a current, there were hopeless helpless cries to the birds that flied above from my spirit to theirs. And tattooed birds grace this ones left shoulder.  A reminder of the birds that are freed and given flight.

It may seem like a lifetime ago, but I need to look behind me.

To remember.

A phone call on a twenty-fifth birthday dropping possibilities, and I have to keep present.  

Remember

We all have shadows of our past selves walking behind us, reminding us.

They can be the shadows of truth whispering encouragement, or one can allow them to be whispers of darkness trying to pull you back.

Which are yours?

My shadow is a girl of confusion.  A girl who would rather rely on someone else' definition of herself than step out on her own.  Independence is a scary thing and is it not funny how birds will be shoved out of nests to be taught how to fly?  Yet a girl can't even get her toe out.  And that shadow speaks to me.

"You learned how to fly...see."  She points to my shoulder and I remember.

I remember the moment I dedicated all of my words to truth.  The moment I remembered that I was a writer who gave my life, my words, my art to everything that was beyond myself.

On this twenty five, I remember and I say it again.

"My work, my life, my art, everything, it is not mine.  It is for the One who called me and brought me out of the fear-nest and into the night sky.  The One who strengthened my wings so I could see the dawn.  To the One who provides the shelter from the rain and the worms for the eating.  The One who receives glory to see me fly, Who provides so I can flourish, Who lavishes love, grace, healing and words.  To that One, I live, breathe, and give my life to."  

On this twenty five I find myself coming up to a wide open sky, and I will Remember my shadow life, so I can live my full life.

Now.

©2014 Jeremy Lai

"Mirrors don't lie.  Or do they?  Mirrors have a way of showing you what you want to see."

“Re.spect noun \ri-ˈspekt\
a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc.
a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way
a particular way of thinking about or looking at something”

— New Oxford American Dictionary

Inside rehearsal studio space one is challenged, pushed, encouraged, and one is being watched.  Always watched and the mirrors don't lie.  There is a 'self-awareness' that occurs when mirrors are placed before you to watch yourself work.  

You see you.  They see you, and the audience...eventually will see you.

Chin high, you smile.  Of course, they will see.  That is the point.   Telling and sharing a story.

Mirrors don't lie.

Or do they?

Mirrors have a way of showing you what you want to see.

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?"  She asked

"You are" It replied

Of course, you hear what you want to hear. See what you want to see.

But have you checked your eyesight lately?

What are you truly seeing?

"Do you ever have a moment... or week where everything you do or say seems just...terrible... like that you were so smooth before and then you just open your mouth and even you don't know or understand what you said?"  I asked him.  This fellow actor and brilliant example of what character work is all about.

"Oh yeah."  he said.

Thoughts tumbled, and then he spoke words I can't all remember but they were something like a word water fall I needed.

"I think it comes down to your expectations of yourself.  A rehearsal process is for practicing, thats why there is time to 'rehearse'.  If I need to sit down, or grab a drink of water I will because that is why I am here.  To practice."

These were the words of someone who knew them self.

Words hit the inside of my skull like cold water, and there it was.

"Treating self, with self-respect".  My inside voice echoed.

The lack of self-confidence everyone was saying I was in that week... looking in mirrors and seeing a clumsy woman... it was a lie.

It was self-respect that was lacking.

And suddenly, I saw the woman that walks with words, intelligent and bright.  

And there it was.

Self-Respect.

Respect yourself, be kind to yourself and above all, never doubt your place. 

It was comical.  To have a small group of women and no real voice to use to communicate with them.

It was that time of year.  When spirits start to sag, immune systems go down and suddenly, although Spring has arrived the weather has not yet fully turned and we are anxious.  

For myself, attending a film workshop the day before and being sent home due to not being well enough to be in front of a camera.  Debilitating.  An artists spirit is to work and when work is like a slug how do we cope?

I laid the question on the table.  Knowing they would see.

"What are the struggles so far in 2014?"

Each arrived and suddenly I heard a quip.

"Do you want me to write an essay?"

It seemed the timing was right on mark with these Halifax Creatives.

The answers?

• Comparing myself to others
• Accepting, transisiotning out of things and into new things
• Feeling inspired, yet lacking the desire to follow through
• Self Doubt
• Physical distractions (Sickness etc.)
• To be clever
• Money, or lack thereof 
• People
• Condifence

And as one so perfectly put it:  "Well, theres the whole 'life' thing..."

How do we overcome our personal issues and use them to benefit our work and energy rather than getting bogged down by them?

Simply that

Use it.

Take the lack of confidence and turn it into a piece about 'simply that'.

Get at work whether it feels good or not.

Creatives are not brilliant because every piece they create is brilliant.  No,  they are brilliant because they work at their craft whether it is understood or not.  Whether it is appreciated or not.  Whether the pay is there or not.  Whether they are healthy or not.  

Creatives create because they were called to.

We began to listen to one another, and listening during a season of 'lack' can be exactly what a spirit needs.  Listening to the heart beat of another, the doubts of your inner self...

"Doubt is a signal of the creative process.  It is a signal that you are doing something right - not that you are doing something wrong or crazy or stupid.  The sickening chasm of fear that doubt triggers to yawn open beneath you is a huge abyss into which you are going to tumble, spiralling downwards like you are falling through the circles of hell.  No, doubt is most often a signal you are doing something and doing it right."  - Julia Cameron 'Walking in this World'

©2014 Jeremy Lai

“renew |riˈn(y)o͞o|
verb [ with obj. ]
resume (an activity) after an interruption
give fresh life or strength to.”

— New Oxford American Dictionary

"Go through your scripts and highlight every time a 'season' is referenced."  He said from his place behind the piano.  This musical director means what he says.  His appearance, though always relaxed, holds a specificity to it, that draws one in.  He is relaxed enough, but because he knows exactly where he has to be with every note.  

It was this that triggered thoughts on the word of the week.

Spring Awakening may just be a musical to take stage in less than a month, but it is becoming a title that means more than just teenage awareness.

Seasons are apparent in the city of Halifax.  Our Summers are glorious and full of cars rushing to the coast to catch a wave or spot on a sandy beach.  Autumns are crisp and crunchy with starbucks coffee in hand as people walk in and out of places to be.  Winters are (like with any east coast weather) unpredictable and windy.  Snow falls and turns to slush, and trees are barren.

Spring

Spring in Halifax, is an awakening of life.  Suddenly, outdoor resturaunt patios are being put into place, the faces of people along the streets are no longer hidden by hoods and scarves, and doors are open for the fresh air to flow through.

As a creative, I need fresh air.  So frustrated I was one night with my rolling thoughts keeping me awake, that I rushed to the windows (which had a plastic insulation shrink wrap over them to conserve on energy) ripping them down I shoved the window open to take in the cold, but dewey air of winter turning spring.

And this is what it means to give fresh life or strength to.  We need that air to rush through our lungs to even think better.

I need to breathe without being restricted, held, suffocated.

Our perspective on life can be suffocating.

Limiting.

Allowing money, timelines, status, plans to be the reason for anything...

It suffocates the life-breath.

Creatives may speak about this more, but even those who don't take on the label need to breathe.

"The fear of what is next is just your bodies way of asking "What is next?".  It is a way for your body to see 'what are  the things that are important for you in the next part of your journey?'"  - Danielle Doiron (Halifax, Actor & Friend)

And this I breathe with.  I see the renewing with the opening of windows. 

I highlight the seasons of life in script and in my walk through this journey...

“reassess |ˌrēəˈses|
verb [ with obj. ]
consider or assess again, esp. while paying attention to new or different factors”

— New Oxford American Dictionary

Spring 2014 is well underway and so is the pre production process for the Spring Awakening Musical in Halifax.  Sinking into this process of how musicals are produced is awakening in and of itself. 

First off, one must already come into the studio space, body and voice ready.  This means, yawns, stiffness and chit chat have no place inside.  Not only am I getting up earlier, I am making sure my breakfast is healthy, my morning yoga done, morning pages (The Artists Way by Julia Cameron), voice warm ups, and rehearsal clothes and appearance are all ready to go.  Between the bed, shower, kitchen, car, theatre hallway these things occur in less than two hours.

It made me reassess how my morning routine was being carried out in the winter and how I needed to change it for the betterment of my expierence. 

Reassessing is not just important but nessasary to starting a new season.

All people have schedules, routines and chores, but how do we know that they are working for us?  Most of us do not know unless we take the time to take a step back and see how things could be different.

When I reassessed I realized I was rushing. 

For me, taking the time to light a candle, eat breakfast and share a reading from a book is how I have decided to change the 'rush-rush' out the door every morning.  It does no one good to be rushing.

Reassessing means to find the gem you may have been missing.

What is the gem you were missing last season?

How can you bring it into Spring 2014?

©2014 Jeremy Lai

“Period, n.
1. Period noun a length or portion of time.
2. A punctuation mark (.) used at the end of a sentence or an abbreviation. ”

— oxforddictionaries.com

Typically, a period indicates an end.  Writers use a period, to indicate that the thought former to it has ended and a new one is about to begin.

And this writer is coming up towards a period.  Eight months of theatre training is culminating in an end piece Musical performance called Spring Awakening in Halifaxs' Downtown core Neptune Theatre.  

As an artist approaches the end of a project no matter how long it can seem daunting.

And then what?

So many options after this, and coming into a sense of direction for work is nerve wracking.

But there it is, that period approaching and what is most important at an ending is that we can look back, wrap up and come to terms with the journey.

Many people put . periods where they shouldn't be.  They are mid monologue and out of fear . there it is, a stop . a hesitation and regret . of what? 

I have watched many artists stop mid project / idea out of fear of what it might mean for their growth.  Many talk grand things, and yet they never follow through on their dreams.

For some, the idea of the dream is all they need, but what happens when the dream has been . stopped too. early?

It is stilted. Wrecked. Stuttered. And the dream spews from the pours trying to get out.  One should never stilt a dream.

After living in denial of what I wanted out of life, I realized I had put periods where they didn't belong, and also forgot to put them where they should have been.

We drop periods like unwanted receipts and they fall out of our pockets over-flowing as if we were in denial of how much we truly were spending.  How many periods we were forgetting and overspending.

Our eyes need to be attune to the places, circumstances and people we need to put a period next to, and, those things in which we have put a period out of fear and not out of necessity. 

eriods aren't just for writers.  

They are a life thing.

©2014 Jeremy Lai

“Ellipsis, n.
The omission from speech or writing of a word or words that are superfluous or able to be understood from contextual clues”

— oxforddictionaries.com

"Vocal rest" he said.

Two weeks of cancelled plans and an artist learns when she is quiet.  Oh yes, she learns.

It wasn't until eyes caught the ellipsis at the end of the page.  An indication. 

The . . . that signaled to fill in what was already obvious.

If an artist is caught in a physical war with a virus the ellipsis can only mean one thing, right?

"And now I must wait and rest." 

Two weeks of tried silence has brought awareness to intention that was not there before.  Two weeks of facing "What next?" and "Now what?".

Could two weeks be enough to bring a singing voice back to where it should be for the six weeks of musical rehearsal?

And 'Spring Awakening' may just be the name of the musical, but it also is the metaphorical title for all these emerging artists.

. . . 

The drop of words and obvious meaning.

Dot Dot Dot.

A dot for every thought

A thought for every dot.

What does the ellipsis mean?

. . .

For this storyteller, ellipsis is a gift.

An ellipsis, an indication one needs to stop and put to words what seems superfluous to say.  

It was a time for her to look at those three dots and figure out what they meant.

1) I am at the end of training, now I have to re-center with my vision

2) I need to face the fear, again, of being my own business, cheerleader, and success story

3) I want more now, then I did then.

Ellipsis,  words needed to be written down and said aloud.  

Words that can change your intention.

February brings us a full two months into the new year and many who attended have multiple projects beginning.  I opened the night up for those who could, to bring their work to share.  The results of the discussion and sharing was inspiring.  I believe that I was so moved after this night, I found it hard to commit the time to attempt at capturing how this evening went.

Grab a treat & answer a question...

This month, the focus was on how to find the right time and atmosphere to match the needs and desires of each individual 'creative' in the room.  Each of us have different lives and different ways we focus in on our work.

"What is your best creative time of day / atmosphere?" 

Creative Time of Day

• A solid section of time (Full Morning, full afternoon, or full evening)
• Late late late in the wee hours of 12am and on
• Late 10pm - midnight/wrapping up at two or three am

Creative Atmosphere

• Pinterest
• Music
• Working outside
• Driving time in car alone
• Bathtub alone and quiet
• White noise
• Dead quiet
• Food

It became very clear that a lot of 'creatives' feel an inspiring connection to the night hours and are 'for the most part' all living in a 'Day Persons World'.

Crayons for the multi-taskers in the room. 

Navigating this, while knowing our most individual natures of how each 'creative' creates is critical to getting plans and dreams into action. Some rebel at deadlines and feel if we are 'told' to do something we become lethargic and care a less, but if we take ownership over our own work the desire never leaves.  

Everyone has there own ticks and tocks to what makes us work.

After discussing these things the conversation was directed into how to take work independent after 'school' structure is over.  The advice from one woman who has been balancing an intense career, along side her art career, expressed the concept of blending the two when neccessary. 

All 'creatives' need to eat, but worrying about it is only a waste if you don't make a plan.  "At a young age and an early start, she encouraged "'creatives' have more control on how they want their paths of work and art to go.  Always be true to your self."

Taking the time to see the work of the women who attend is an incredible treat and a reminder of the amazing talent that sits in the room.  

Having a belief system that everyone is an artist/creative/innovator at the core, only opens the mind to the type of work that one could do.  Seeing the paintings, portfolio, and quick peeks at their work is an underlining moment to the truth of art.  It comes from each individuals heart and spirit, and that is why it is worth doing.

"You know the marble game?  I feel like the marble on the top." - A quote from a creative 'describing where she was at in her projects & journey'.

“Backspace, n.
1. a key on a typewriter or computer keyboard that causes the carriage or cursor to move backward.”

— oxforddictionaries.com

Before cursers of a computer there was a carriage, before the carriage of a typewriter there was an eraser, and before the eraser of a pencil there was...

When one spoke, the words had a meaning and a weight.  When one wrote, those words too, had a meaning and a weight.  Why?

Language and communication is the foundation of any and all cultures.  It is the all encompassing of ‘how’ we relate to each other and convey that sense of 'relativity'. We long for relativity and understanding. It is innate within, and although, capable of being ignored, not a need that can be ignored without significant damage.

Feral children who grow without language and communication are the direct results from a need of ‘language/communication’ ignored or forgotten, or simply not known.
So why, in cultures and communities where everything had significant meaning to the life and breath of a people, have we now succumbed to 'backspace?'

Artists are too quick to backspace over their work.  "That wasn't it" they say.

Without second thought to the process.

They delete.

"Not worth showing” She says as she hides a canvas and eventually it lands in a dumpster heap.  As he quiets his singing voice and eventually it becomes voiceless.

We are a culture of 'Backspacing'.  We have gotten so used to editing out 'freeform' communication that suddenly words are void and lack meaning.  Promises are not promises but merely half hearted well wishes. 

And I have seen the destruction of "Backspace" in life.  Too many people have said and not done.  Smiled but not been sincere.

Where once a world was spun on the belief of the Word, now a world is disintegrating into the denial of the Word.

Words have weight.

Weight is in the Word.

Grasp it and don't backspace.

Say with meaning.

And wait for the meaning.

Soak in the meaning.

Give grace to the meaning.

Express without backspacing and let us see where that takes the work.

©2014 Jeremy Lai

“Draft, n.
1. a preliminary version of a piece of writing. A plan, sketch, or rough drawing”

— oxforddictionaries.com

Being in the beginning of drafts for different projects means being in the 'beginning' stages.  The stages where talk seems pretentious and the end can seem far away.  

So let me tell you a secret because no one else is going to tell you.

Drafts are sexy.  Seriously, the most sexy!  A draft is like a chance meeting with a sudden whirlwind affair.  Not an illicit affair.   Those never end well, but the type of love affair that sends you into doing things you never thought you would, and suddenly, you fall head over heels you end up walking down the aisle.  Committing your heart and soul.

I know, I know.  Some of those commitment-phobes have already clicked to the next blog post.

 A love affair that turns into commitment?  

"No way!" they say as they move onto the next alluring project proposal.

They miss out on committing to something that would have been.

Should have been.

Could have been.

Truthfully.

The best part of a project is when you are working on it.  The end is never as satisfying as working pell mell, chasing, running and trying to woo it, romance it into being. 

Drafts mean one doesn't have the answers nor the right set path to go about the project.  It means that one is often left with pieces of thoughts scattered about like an absent minded puzzle.  It takes the whole journey through to figure out how all the pieces fit together and that... is the mysterious allure of those who take on a project in drafts. 

It is an enticing sexy adventure that one should never shy away from.

A few weeks ago, I was told to add a question on the end of an article.  To spark dialogue, interest and thoughts.  

©2014 Jeremy Lai

I watched the question stay unanswered.  A scary thing for a writer. 

Creators, artists, writers...any one who puts their work out in the open is ultimately asking a question and then...they wait.  Wait for a response and wait for validation.

Validation.  What is it?

We like to think the response to our question is the ultimate validation, but lets be honest.... if someone responds we feel validated for a moment, maybe long enough to be a day or a week...or even a month...but that wears off, and what stands is the question we asked in the first place. For it to be answered again, again and again.

Someone asked me

"When will you be done with that 'topic'?  

And the question I pose through my work resounds again and again in my beating heart as I reply

"Until I am done asking it."

And that is the ultimate goal.  To never back down on asking the things that make others cringe, that some would shush and ask not to speak of.  The questions of the raw and honest are often the questions of the masses.

So ask.

Again

And again,

And again,

And

Again.

GUEST POST FOR http://oneword365.com

We have been walking into 2014 for some weeks now and we are seeing sparks of life. Developments in our ‘one words’ , in our lives and hearts.  That is what happens when we look for change and open ourselves up to adventure.  We begin to thirst for it, look for it and hunt for it.  When you do that, it is hard pressed not to find it.

Development comes to those who are craving it.  And I am one of the cravers.  Together we call our one words into the air and we watch.  We await for what that will mean, and already we begin to see. 

The thing with claiming, declaring and shouting our victory words to the sky, is that we feel bold, brave and strong.  We feel and we are.  But the dark lies of this world do not want us to feel that way and suddenly we are doubting, wishing we could grab those letters that make that ‘one word’ back into our mouths, our hearts and our spirits.  Stuff them back deep inside.  

“Don’t declare!  Who are you to declare a word over your own life?” the doubting whisper says.

And I begin to feel a fraud.  I begin to feel panic rise up through to my throat, bubbling up like unwanted vomit.  My body is trying to purge the word. 

I claimed the word FIRE and see no one else with this word.  I feel odd and maybe even crazy.  But I press on, I work hard through the first month of the word and see it manifest itself in amazing ways, and yet on the last day of the first month I lean against a flame and my hair goes on fire.  Only for a split second, but enough to make the women in the room scream, my heart to sink and my ‘fire’ word to scare me.  To panic me. 

But I read “The Artist Way”  books by Julia Cameron and write down her words.

 “Your panic does not mean you are crazy, just that you feel it.”

“You are panicked, tell yourself, ‘Ah!  Good sign, I am getting unstuck.”

“This means that at our most awkward and ill at ease, we are still in divine order and moving ever closer to Gods intention.” 

I put down my pen and begin to breathe easy, and the sighs of relief flood my spirit.  

Panic is okay.  My most awkward and ill at ease is right.  

“If that isn’t prophetic I don’t know what is!”  A friend who witnessed that moment of ‘fire-awkward’ said to me as we brushed the charred bits out of my hair. 

I had a hard time shaking that, because our words are not easy to swallow.  They challenge and they declare things we had no idea they would declare.  And that is how it is with words.  They are more than you plan them to be and they will take you to a place you need to go.

Panic that rises from the core of your being and begins to tumble out isn’t something to be ashamed of.  Work through the word that you declared over your life and don’t give yourself room to doubt it. Panic tells you you are heading in the right direction, most ignore, but we charge through and find the glory of our words, ablaze and alive.  

How has your ‘one-word’ caught on fire and panicked you?

©2014 Jeremy Lai

To throw a spear you have to pull your arm back.  To jump you have to bend down.  To swallow you have to chew.  To exhale you have to inhale. 

The opposite of what you want to do.  

Why do we have to do the opposite to do our intended act? Why is it necessary to ground down into the earth with our legs, toes and whole physical force before we can release and jump?

In writing this can look like:

Indent verb 1. (a line of text) or position (a block of text, table etc.) further from the margin than the main part of the text. 

noun 1. a space left by indenting a line or block of text

To indent before you paragraph.  To go inside the lines, before you can write out lines.

When a writer writes dialogue in the form of a book, they indent or press 'Tab' once.  This indicates a new speaker, a new thought or a new journey through words.  

      An indent.  Leaving space before the words begin.  Why is it that we have to leave space before we write?

There is a preparation in doing the opposite.

     When we leave that space for words, we grab onto a preparing, a propelling, a breath before we move.  We couldn't speak without inhaling and we couldn't throw a ball without pulling it backwards before we propel it forwards.

Taking time to prepare.  It's a stage that artists, creators, writers...anyone, can struggle with.  The in-breath is often the hardest, the out-breath, it follows as ease.  Every action has a reaction.

Let your action be the preparation.

The reaction of your work will follow like an exhale. 

Goal: An open invitation to all Creative and Innovative Women. An open space for artists to share, be inspired and have a safe place to be surrounded by like minds.

We started out with this goal last January and now this year we are taking that goal into a new form. A form of intentionally 'led' discussions and more structure to give a better space and time for the more unstructured tangents that creatives can fall into.

©2014 Nicole Payzant

The Rabbit Hole of Wonderland is often how I describe these tangents to myself. They are everything we should want to fall into as artists, to capture the magic of thought, discussion, ideas and projects. The question of Rabbit Holes, is how to take the time before the fall, to enhance the wonderland experience by allowing intentional discussion?

We opened up the night with a question. "What gets you off the couch/inspires you to create?"

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©2014 Nicole Payzant

The answers we found were varied and many:

• Group projects, collaboration inspires: Sharing what is learned. 
• Words of Inspiration 
• Music, mood music
• Coffee! Talking with people about ideas, helping me develop them.
• Being around passionate people.
• Relating to people
• Changing it up: Challenging self in different styles/ventures
• Meanings not yet quantified, the journey to understand the not understood. 

©2014 Nicole Payzant

Creative and Innovative women/people and even those who haven't identified themselves as such yet, all have dreams, goals and visions. Those things may be identified and at other times may be somewhere inside yet still unknown.

Setting aside the time to work on one of those few things can be the ultimate gift for your inner-self. Even if you don't have a vision yet, taking that time, to write, paint, doodle, list, bake, sing, etc more routinely is an excellent way to spark the energy of the goal. 

We ended with a challenge. The challenge to dig deeper into dreams and visions and write them down. Putting words to your own goal or project, 'Titling' as I called it in an earlier article is exactly what will kickstart creatives and innovators to working and producing.

We delved into sharing and had a wonderful time of honest reflection on each woman's work. Some of us are studying, others are grappling with the inner-creative, and others are coming upon projects that need to be named and focused in on.

What I have learned from this month, is that no one can predict what will happen when you get creative women in a room and start discussing and asking. Falling down the Rabbit Hole to Wonderland is inevitable. My challenge and question now for this group, will be how to direct these evenings in a way that makes the Rabbit Hole to Wonderland a productive journey for all those in the room.

Setting up a flexible structure that every woman will feel safe, challenged, supported and uplifted.

©2014 Nicole Payzant

©2014 Jeremy Lai

Each of a pair of marks [ ] used to enclose words or figures so as to separate them from the context: symbols are given inbrackets.

Every writer (myself included) uses brackets.   It is a way to say something that is attached to the sentence, yet separate from the thought.  An on the side. 

What do we find inside our life brackets?

Fear

Enclosed in these pair of marks, separating self from the context is that deep, panic-filled anxiousness that what is being stated is not worth it.  A dark excuse to not continue.  To stop.

Having brackets to fall back into feels good (I admit...it is a comfort).  As a writer, it is the excuse, the explanation for giving up on the rest of the work.

There are a lot of people in this world living life just (inside the brackets).  There is a whole other part before and after the brackets that give the 'fear' and 'anxiousness' true meaning.

The growing pains of moving outside the brackets are strong but needed.  

Anxious is good, it means one is going somewhere.  

We all have moments of panic.  If panic is related to new work, a new idea or something that is just beginning, it is a symptom of moving forward.  Stop moving forward and the panic will go away.  

“When you are panicked tell yourself, ‘Ah! Good sign. I am getting unstuck.’”

— Cameron, J. (2002). Walking in This World.

Taking the first step on the Art Night project and posting it at the end of this week will be scary and a battle with anxious feelings has been had.  I must step out of my comfortable place (That spot on the couch with tea steaming, books piling, notebook and pen at reach) after witnessing the women who have attended these monthly gatherings grow, change and feel moved by the discussion.  I know that it has a purpose bigger than this living room.  

Taking Art Nights out of the brackets this week is a byamygrace labour of love and those involved in pushing this project forward are the very strong and supportive individuals we want to see connect to the growth of these nights, cirriculum and vision.  

Check the Art Night Link this weekend for an update on how Januarys Meeting went. 

Everything has a title.  Everything has a name of some kind.  

Anything that is a story has a title, and every title is attached to a story.  Titles can be hard to find, and fear of the 'thing' to be titled is the reason that projects and stories alike stay un-done.  Untitled.  

©2014 Jeremy Lai

Untitled is a lack of commitment, a fear of what the 'it' contains.

Lack of commitment.  

A reason for any relationship or project breakdown.  

Stare at a blank screen, knowing...deep down, that to give 'this' a title means to commit to it.  And committing is hard, in fact, it is one of the hardest things to overcome.  If commitment was easy, then everyone would be perfect examples of success. 

Because to commit is success.  Success isn't acknowledgment or to be known for a piece of work.  It is the commitment to the inspiration that landed in your mind and spirit.  It is the denial of fear and the ability to title what may seem scary to title that becomes the success.

byamygrace didn't happen overnight.  It was the inspiration of prodding over a long time, but committing to a title for this website has changed it's purpose, drive and focus.  

Titles bring clarity, and clarity brings hope.  Hope is the light which filters into ones spirit and all souls rejoice with hope.  It breathes free and wants to live.

So really, a title is about life.  

To be untitled is death.  Death of a project, death of a story.

Titled is life. 

To Title means it lives.

Words make up a sentence.  A sentence makes up a paragraph, and a paragraph makes up a page.  All those pages make up something, someone thought was worth reading.

Why read?  Why put anything down at all?  

Words on page put something we dare to attempt uncovering, discovering, and demystifying out in the open. They become accessible, tangible, real, raw and honest.

Word : (noun) a single distinct meaningful element of speech or writing, used with others (or sometimes alone) to form a sentence and typically shown with a space on either side when written or printed. 

oneword365.com has given a concept to grow through a 365 day journey with just one word.

"One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live. One word that you can focus on every day, all year long.

It will take intentionality and commitment, but if you let it, your one word will shape not only your year, but also you. It will become the compass that directs your decisions and guides your steps.

Discover the big impact one word can make." - http://oneword365.com

For this writer, a word has emmerged, before I knew of the one word vision.  Before I knew that there was a movement to intentionally one word, one was already being chosen. 

FIRE (noun) combustion or burning, in which substances combine chemically with oxygen from the air and typically give out bright light, heat, and smoke

As a writer, fire doesn't mean death, it means everything that is risked when you walk into fear.

FIRE burns artists into gold.

FIRE ignites truth

A 365 Day journey into refining this writer.

Risking it all for the refining of fire.